??Why is it, that when theres is good news, there is always bad news??

Ok first the bad news. Well this afternoon when my dad picked me up from school, he wasn't in his truck he was in Jan's expedition. I naturally assumer there was something wrong with the truck again. But when I asked him why he told me the truth, which I was surprised cause he never tells me anything my brothers are the ones who usually end up telling me things. He told me that he got laid off today. Which really sucks ass. He told me that they told him when he got to work this morning. His boss told him that because of the economy right now and that business wasn't doing very well that they felt they need to let some people go, and because my dad was one of the last hired there he was one of the people who got laid off. This pisses me off about our society. Just because someone that has been at a job longer get to stay, it doesn't matter if their work sucks ass. My dad has been working his ass off at this job, and he was just starting to get settled when this happened. Its not fair to him at all. He had his own business that lasted for a few years (DoorCraft, made doors, sold trim mainly) then it went bankrupt (I thought he just didn't want to do it anymore, I didn't find out the truth until my brothers told me at the beginning of this year). So then he got a job at Henson's, he was there for more than a year (almost two years I think or getting close) and then they laid him off because well someone higher than him fucked up but hes the one who suffered, well mainly it was because his boss fucked up (doing stuff he should have with business supplies) so he got fired, the man who took his place for some reason didn't like my dad so he fired him (and my dad gets a long with just about everyone). Well my dad worked his ass off on that job too. Then he got his recent job at ResiDoor, and was there for 9 months, and then let go. My dad deserves the best, and for the most part hes been treated like shit

It was weird today because this was the first time my dad actually shared something with me, and I mean just me. I could tell he was upset and had been crying (his eyes get kind of yellowish when hes been crying, which is what they were). And his voice cracked when he said he wasn't sure what he was going to do and he wiped his eyes a few times. This is the only time I've seen him emotional except at his brother's funeral. When he dropped me off today my brother Kyle was working on his truck at the top of the driveway so I went and put my stuff up, and went with dad back up there cause I knew he was going to stop and talk to him. When we parked he told me that he wasn't going to tell him anything right now. That was totally weird. I'm just kinda bummed about the whole thing. And I haven't mentioned anything to my dad about the mustang in awhile, but one of the first few things he said, was that now he wouldn't be able to get the mustand to me for a little while longer, which I totally was concerned about that (cause well that just sel-centeredness, plus I gave up on him doing that cause of his financial situations, he was almost to the place where he could actually do something besides pay bills, but not now since he got screwed over). He said he wouldn't mind working at Home Depot, cause he'd just be helping the customer with what they had in the store. At ResiDoor he had to do everything for the customer, and he hated it, cause its too stressful, he didn't have normal hours like 9-5. They'd call him before he had even dropped me off at school (the office was in Ft. Worth), and then he would have to take his work home and finish it there. So definately too stressful. He said he'd like to do an estimating business, where they measure the house plans and estimate for the builder how much trim they'll need, and that was all, no measuring doors (at Residoor he'd have to measure the exact measurements of where the door stuff went (doorknob, screws in the wall??) eveything had to be exact, if he messed up then a $700-etc. dorr would be useless) etc. He said he had been doing a lot of thinking today. Well thats all about that I guess.

For the good news (kinda), Jeannie gets to stay until the end of the year, but still it sucks cause she won't be here this summer or next year. I'll miss her in general and on the field.

As for Jeannie and I, I still have no fucking clue. Ok well the fact is that she got the letter I wrote her on Thursday and I still haven't heard a word from her. I don't like being nervous at all, and thats all I've been since Wednesday and I mean so nervous to where I'm nauseous (sp?) and thats not fun. I don't want to ask her about what she thinks cause I'm giving her the time she needs, I don't want to push her ya know? Cause I know its annoying as hell when you push someone to make a decision. She has told one person about my letter and that was the last person I expected, Amanda (who hardly knows me, but she told Ann my letter was sweet, and thats all she said). Jeannie hasn't even told Ann (her best friend, who she lives with, shes the one who told me what Amanda knew). I'm hoping I won't have to wait much longer, I'm hoping she'll finally tell me how she feels. See I have this hope that the reason she hasn't told me yet is because she does have feelings for me but she didn't know yet when she'd be leaving. And if she was leaving then she would say no, and if she got to stay then she'd say yes. Its a hope, and I don't like getting my hopes up on relationships, cause I hate being rejected. Jeannie is in my algebra class (last period) and we haven't really spoken then or in the mornings, I've said a few words, but afraid to say more cause I've been so nervous. But well thats all I have to say for now about that. I'm hoping I'll know soon.

We have soccer pictures (FINALLY) tomorrow. I'm driving no matter what, and pictures aren't till 5:30 and school is out at 4:00, so I'm hoping Jeannie will talk to me then. But I'm just glad were finally getting pictures, and I have 7 pictures on my camera and I'm going to try and finish it up tomorrow, cause once I get all of these pictures back I can finish my scrapbook. Oh today, Kear went to Brownwood to vote for the All-District players with the other coaches. He told me this morning when it was just me and him, that he was going to try his best to get me on 1st-Team All-District, and it shouldn't be to hard. How badass would that be?? He still has to give out the gatorade awards to people on the team, and one is some like the best new-comer. And it would be so badass to get that. I think I've worked my ass off to get where I am today. Well thats all I gave to say about that, I guess I'll find out tomorrow about it.

Well I need to go do my paper for psychology, the minimum is a page, and it has to be hand written and I write really small. Its over child rearing, how fun is that. But what can I say lol, I've had a fucked up life, but I'm glad I had it cause I wouldn't be where I am today.

Laters, BTW lol do you like all of my million song lyrics??