MYSPACE:

Subject: So, yeah.
Posted Date: Monday, May 23, 2005 - 11:42 AM
So in a matter of a week, I almost lost my job, got another speeding ticket (didn't I mention I got one earlier this month?), got sunburned as hell, had to move out of my dorm (with a matter of having no time cause of work), oh and the biggest part of it all------my mom tells me.........she got married over the weekend. Now tell me that isn't fucked up. My mom has been dating this guy for like 6-7 months. Makes me angry. She hasn't tried to talk to me about it more yeah, if she does I'm going to come out to her. Cause before she told me she was like I have to give you a warning, I got married. And I'm going to be like well mom to give you a warning, I'm a lesbian and I can never get married, and it makes me really mad how you think so lightly of marriage like its no big deal (this makes the 3rd time shes been married, and besides that shes almost gotten married 2 other times). So yeah I really will come out to her, no chickening out. But anyways, I'm not happy with her. So yeah I had to move out of my dorm, means no high-speed internet, makes me sad. But I get home and my computer in my room is all fucked up and won't start, well it comes on and shuts off, I think the outlet in the wall is shot, but I haven't had time to fix any of it. So that also means no internet for Erin, cause I hate using the internet downstairs. So if ya'll don't here from me for a few weeks, this is why. Reason I almost lost my job....... This lady comes to my gate, pays for the extra cars for valet, rights the names on a business card, I put it in my pocket, and when they would show up I'd put that amount in my money bag. Well they never came, and I comepletely forgot about it alltogether, meaning I forgot to tell my fucking boss and supervisors. Well the lady comes up at the end of the night and asks for a refund of her money, and they had to idea what she was talking about. So they asked me about it the next day........ they were pissed. So all weekend I haven't been at a gate but sitting on my happy ass in the horseman and suites lots. It sucks ass. And he told me I'll be there for awhile longer, until he feels i'm giving 110% and have no attitude, then maybe he'll put me back on a gate. But damn i don't really care as long as I have a job. Oh so I went in for a meeting today at my old job, Texas Roadhouse. I got that job back, cause i left on good terms, etc, etc. But I'm going back to work mondays and tuesdays cause I need the extra money, plus the new manager there, she is so cute, and so has to be gay. lol I'm such a loser. But yeah I start back there the 13th. But anyways, This is all for now. I can't wait to move into my apartment on the 9th!!!!!!!!! Ok laters.

So its all come down to this, the end of my year. My freshman year of college is done with. If experienced alot of things, my ultimate lows, a few good highs. Alot of fuck ups all around. But all in all, I gave what I could, and never took anything in return. I sit in this nearly empty dorm room, thinking about all the insane moments I had here, all the drama. This dorm was so full of life, and is now just me, alone. Always alone, here alone now, here alone during the holidays. Always alone. This year went by really fast, I never thought it would end, and now that it has, I wonder where it all went. I see it all through an interesting perspective, different from everyone elses. This feeling, this feeling of letting go, of a place, of a few people, its different, I don't like it. But anyways, back to packing I go.

Yay for my new apartment!!! But sadly I can't move in until June 9th, so for 2 1/2 I have to find a place to crash, or i'll be sleeping in my car, funfun, but you have to do what you have to do right, lol. Alrighty, laters.

MYSPACE:

Subject: most likely
Posted Date: Monday, May 16, 2005 - 10:47 PM
So I saw the screen name of someone, and this is what I thought. Most likely I am not who you want me to be. I'm not sure why that is the first thing that popped into my head. I don't know why I am over here on the computer when i should be doing my 5 page paper that is due tomorrow, yay for only have a paragraph and a 1/2. I constantly find myself being aggravated with myself lately. Not sure why. Maybe cause I still continue to do the same shit over and over again. Lets push away something good, or hold off on it, because i have some hopeless belief that if I wait the unattainable will at some point become something that I can obtain. Most likely I will not be who you hope I will become. Most likely I will become the failure of my own high standards in life. Most likely I will definitely fail, I always do.

MYSPACE:

Subject: NO......... SLEEP..........
Posted Date: Wednesday, May 11, 2005 - 11:21 AM
TILL....... BROOKLYN. Haha sorry had to bust out with the beastie boys. So yeah I have been awake since monday morning at 9 a.m. I have had so much shit to do, and no time to do it. Like I wasn't procrastinating either. Damn professors and not giving us the assignment till a week before it was due. So yeah I've taken addorel the last 2 night so i'd stay up and do it. Like seriously I even take my homework to work and do as much as i can there. I'm ADD anyways, so it actually helped me over all. I could have slept during the day, but any spare moment I had I was working on stuff. And so yeah, I've been seeing shit all day today, cause my eyes are tired i guess, like i see stuff move, lol and I thought one of my professor's hair looked purple. Now that was funny. So yeah anyways. Jen took me to the aquarium yeaterday, the one in fair park, we're going to go to the world aquarium when we both have time, so we don't have to rush. But I had a good time. It was cool. So I do have more to write about. But I don't have time I have to go get dressed for a presentation. Then I have to go to work after that. And I just made ramen for my lunch, but I'm too tired to eat it, and I don't have time too. Ok, rambling is fun. LATERS.

MYSPACE:

Subject: missing
Posted Date: Wednesday, May 04, 2005 - 7:45 AM
You gave up to easily. You ran away. You didn't stay to fight with me, who has my back now? I was willing to go to battle with you. But with one false step, I blew it all. Friends never die, though they may disappear for awhile. I hope thats the case with you. I may be weak myself, but just like you I needed some help, something I hope we could help each other with. But apparently that was far out of the picture. And now you are missing in action, I haven't heard from you in a few weeks. I do miss you, wish you'd speak to me.

"Is this a dream?
If it is, Please don't wake me from this high
I've become comfortably numb"

"I'm young, and I am free
But I get tired, and I get weak
I get lost, and I can't sleep"

"I don't feel myself today
Just a figure in a big monopoly game
Struggle is the price you pay
You get just enough just to give it away
I'm sinking but I'm floating away
Throw me a line so I can anchor my pain"

"So small, yet still so proud
At night before he dreams he looks into the clouds
A high flyer's what I want to be
Seems they won't let me, says I'm too small
I don't feel small at all "