MYSPACE:

Subject: so hmm.....
Posted Date: Saturday, December 18, 2004 - 8:37 PM
So yeah I don't really like talking to people on te phone when they have been drinking. Its kind of frustrating. And I hate talking to people who just call and are like well ok I don't really have anything to say so I'm going now. And they never said anything in the first place.

MYSPACE:

Subject: yummy
Posted Date: Wednesday, December 15, 2004 - 2:01 PM
LMAO, I'm not sure why I just did this, but the fact is that I did. I just made me a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich. Now yeah I know, i know, thats not weird. But I made coffee, and I'm not sure why. I don't particularly like coffee, but I made some. I think partly cause I bought some of that coffee flavoring stuff, its Viennese Chocolate Cafe. The other reason is that my roommate Paula is a very big goober, and had been claiming that the coffee maker wasn't working. Well I go and look at it, and well guess what, it wasn't plugged in, and half the time before they always left it turned on, so of course it wasn't going to work. But I thought it was funny. And now i'm sure she will be making coffee everyday, cause she loves coffee. Ok yeah, so thats my random story for the day.

MYSPACE:

Subject: arghhh.....
Posted Date: Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 12:41 AM
So yeah, I'm kind of stressed and frustrated at the moment. Its freaking 2:40 in the morning, and I haven't done any of my homework that is due tomorrow. And last week I didn't go both days of my tuesday/thursday classes (English, and microeconomics). So needless to say I'm a little behind. But I just can't seem to focus on either of these classes. Perhaps its because my mind is off daydreaming about a certain someone :) or cause I'm just really anxious for this week to be over, and I'll be on xmas break. But I don't know.... it especially pisses me off when I ask people (who are my friends) to sit and help me with the assignments, and then they never come over and help (and coming over means just walking 20 feet across the grass), and when they do come over they just want to watch a movie. And I'm just like WTF, its like ok look I know your a genius at economics, but I am not and I need help. Lol and me asking for help with anything is a pure miracle. Ok so anyways, enough of that. So my mom tells me today that from Dec. 30th to Jan. 2nd I can ride with my aunt and uncle to go skiing and stay at my mom's new bf's cabin with them. And I'm just come on mom, you know how uncomfortable I am around you and Terry. Plus she apparently keeps forgetting the fact that I have a job now, so I can't exactly go on a vacation. I suppose going skiing (which I think I'd snowboard this time) would be fun, but being by myself all the time would just be plain lonely. And its not like I'd have anyone to take with me anyways. :( Alrighty, so I think i'm done for the time being. I'm going to attempt to do my homework, and not to wake up my roommate anymore than I already have. Goodnight.

MYSPACE:

Subject: good day, YAY!!!!
Posted Date: Sunday, December 12, 2004 - 12:58 AM
So today has been a really good day, I had a goodnight last night, although I only got to sleep for like an hour. Cause I was on the phone with Sarah C. and i got kidknapped by Sean. Then I had to get up and do habitat for humanity this morning, which I felt was very productive. Then basically since i've been at my dorm today I've basically be on the phone with Sarah C. continuously. Except for the hour or 2 I was having a cook out with the guys (Sean, Tim, and Jake), I had steak, it was good. Well anyways, so yeah I've had a great day, and I'm still currently on the phone with Sarah C. Great fun. Happy times. YAY!!!

MYSPACE:

Subject: kickass
Posted Date: Tuesday, December 07, 2004 - 11:55 AM
I GOT THE JOB, at Texas Roadhouse. I'm so freaking excited about it, this job is going to rock. Yeah this is awesome, I've been really needing a job, and this place is awesome. I orientation is monday, and they'll set up my training times and stuff. I'm starting off as a hostess cause I don't have any actual waiting experience, but since I'm 18 I will move up soon, since you have to be 18 to be a waitress and all, plus theres the fact that all the other hostesses are only 16 and 17. So yeah I'm still really excited, any money I earn is well appreciated in my book. And its something my mom will appreciate too, since I'm giving her my first few paychecks to pay her back for my text messages bills. Ok ok so this is all for now, laters.

MYSPACE:

Subject: so, theres a little something called....
Posted Date: Monday, December 06, 2004 - 11:36 PM
Something called, i don't know, life I guess, lol, I can't find the right word. This will be short. Its amazing how easy it is for people to take me out of their lives, and just as easy for me to let them. But whats even more amazing is how much easier it is for me to push myself out of peoples lives, and its even easier for them to let me do it.

MYSPACE:

Subject: wow an actual entry lol
Posted Date: Saturday, December 04, 2004 - 12:14 PM
So i've been thinking alot lately, about relationships and stuff. And I wonder why exactly it is that I generally don't want the girls who want me, and the girls I want don't want me. I've gotten used to this fact, and actually it amuses me these days. I mean hell why not, you have to find humor in the bad things or else eventually you'll just be miserable and bitter. I've actually been on a pattern, about every 2 years i fall for a girl, like really fall for, each time i've been rejected...... so yeah it takes me awhile to get back around to putting my heart back out there on the line. I think alot of the people I've recently met, just like met through other friends, they'd never be interested in me, not even as a friend, cause i'm pretty damn shy when i meet new people, so i don't seem like much fun (which I'd like to think I am fun, but it does take me awhile to get used to people and open up to my true self). And with people that see my profiles online, I think what i write in them intimidate alot of people, or in the sense that I'd be way to serious or that "i'm so honest with what I want, that it scares them away, cause they themselves don't know what they want for sure and aren't ready to be around someone who is so headstrong about what they want" And yes that is actually something i've been told before, specifically, and i've been told basically the same thing from several other people. Yeah sure I may know what I want, but geez people I'm only 18 years old, I have a lot more of life to live and to experience. I don't expect to jump into something right away, mainly i'm on all these sites to meet girls, for friends, cause I don't have many gay friends, and i'm trying to find some. But you can't expect from me to just want a relationship from people I talk to, I just simply want that is to have a friend to talk to and hang out with, and hell if later on down that road the friendship turns into more, then thats what will happen. But I just wish people would actually talk to me, and not be intimidated by me or think I'm a loser or too serious or whatever else. I just think, give me a chance, give me the light of day and get to know me for who I am. I can say this, I've been through alot of shit in my life, and its been a process to get through alot of it. But I've learned alot about myself, and I can generally see a bit of myself in everyone, so I can understand where most people come from. So believe it or not, theres part of me like you, even though i may not seem like it. I may seem boring for awhile, but its really cause i'm secretly scared to death to make a bad impression. Which ironically causes me to make a bad/lame impression. But give me awhile and hopefully you'll see something good ya like in me. Ok so yeah anyways, I'm not sure why I just wrote that, but i did, its just been on my mind like I said. Just thinking. Well I'm going to go for now, hope you enjoy my first actual journal entry. Laters

~~So this is about..... well just read it~~

So i've been thinking alot lately, about relationships and stuff. And I wonder why exactly it is that I generally don't want the girls who want me, and the girls I want don't want me. I've gotten used to this fact, and actually it amuses me these days. I mean hell why not, you have to find humor in the bad things or else eventually you'll just be miserable and bitter. I've actually been on a pattern, about every 2 years i fall for a girl, like really fall for, each time i've been rejected...... so yeah it takes me awhile to get back around to putting my heart back out there on the line. I think alot of the people I've recently met, just like met through other friends, they'd never be interested in me, not even as a friend, cause i'm pretty damn shy when i meet new people, so i don't seem like much fun (which I'd like to think I am fun, but it does take me awhile to get used to people and open up to my true self).

And with people that see my profiles online, I think what i write in them intimidate alot of people, or in the sense that I'd be way to serious or that "i'm so honest with what I want, that it scares them away, cause they themselves don't know what they want for sure and aren't ready to be around someone who is so headstrong about what they want" And yes that is actually something i've been told before, specifically, and i've been told basically the same thing from several other people. Yeah sure I may know what I want, but geez people I'm only 18 years old, I have a lot more of life to live and to experience. I don't expect to jump into something right away, mainly i'm on all these sites to meet girls, for friends, cause I don't have many gay friends, and i'm trying to find some. But you can't expect from me to just want a relationship from people I talk to, I just simply want that is to have a friend to talk to and hang out with, and hell if later on down that road the friendship turns into more, then thats what will happen. But I just wish people would actually talk to me, and not be intimidated by me or think I'm a loser or too serious or whatever else. I just think, give me a chance, give me the light of day and get to know me for who I am.

I can say this, I've been through alot of shit in my life, and its been a process to get through alot of it. But I've learned alot about myself, and I can generally see a bit of myself in everyone, so I can understand where most people come from. So believe it or not, theres part of me like you, even though i may not seem like it. I may seem boring for awhile, but its really cause i'm secretly scared to death to make a bad impression. Which ironically causes me to make a bad/lame impression. But give me awhile and hopefully you'll see something good ya like in me.
Ok so yeah anyways, I'm not sure why I just wrote that, but i did, its just been on my mind like I said. Just thinking. Well I'm going to go for now, hope you enjoy my first actual journal entry. Laters

MYSPACE:

Subject: jobs
Posted Date: Thursday, December 02, 2004 - 12:47 AM
WOW, tomorrow well today, is thursday, only two classes, then I have 3 days off!!! hopefully I'll have a good weekend. I have an interview tomorrow!!! I'm really excited, its at this really good steakhouse (sorry my vegetarian friends lol). I hope it goes well, which I think it will go in my favor. If not, I'll have wal-greens, best buy, wal-mart, target and kohls to back me up lol. Can we say Erin going on an applying rampage, well I have to be on a rampage though. But my top choice was the steakhouse, the rest were ones I applied at just in case this doesn't come through for me. Damn, I need to go to bed, its about 3:00 a.m. now. LATERS!!!!!

Dammit, I wish I would get around to finish writing my entry from the other day, cause then maybe perhaps someone would understand why I feel the way I do. I wish I could just say one thing right now, but I can't. I want to cry right now, simply cause I'm tired of getting hurt (and this is because of a person, and it would be the most least of the evils that i did over last tri, well this one wasn't actually bad). But yeah I just wanted to right, I do want to cry. I wish I could get over things easier, but with me it doesn't seem to work often. GEEEZZZ...... I can't emphasize enough how fucking i'm tired of this shit. Laters

These are the things I can do with my major (which is international business):

So yeah alot of people have been asking me what the hell I can do with my major, so I decided to get the info off my of school's website, and now I'm going to share it with ya'll. These are the things I can do with my major (which is international business):

Work Place Examples:

• Agricultural Companies
• Airlines & Air Charter Industries
• Banks & Financial Institutions
• Computer/Telecommunications Companies
• Consulting Firms
• Entertainment Industry
• Export/Import Business
• Government Agencies
• Hotel/Restaurant Industry
• Insurance Companies
• International Trade Companies
• Marketing/Advertising Firms
• Multinational Corporations
• Oil Companies
• Public Relations Firms
• Resorts/Cruise Lines
• Transportation Companies
  

Types of Positions:

• Entrepreneur
• Agency Director
• Department Manager
• Distribution Manager
• Economic Forecaster
• Foreign Trade Analyst
• Internet Manager
• Liasion Officer
• Lobbyist
• Management Consultant
• Manager of Exports/Imports
• Manager of Overseas Operations
• Manager, International Operations
• Marketing Consultant
• Marketing Manager
• Operations Manager
• Personnel Manager
• Public Relations Manager
• Regional Manager
• Strategy Consultant
• Telecommunications Manager

MYSPACE:

Subject: pictures
Posted Date: Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 8:05 PM
So yeah slowly but surely I am making this profile a tad more interesting. Well I'm actually in the process of figuring out the html and all that good stuff for this website. I know how to do it on other websites, but every site is generally a little different, although I am pretty sure myspace will be a lot easier than the others. But anyways, I uploaded alot of new pictures to my yahoo photo album, so I thought I would post the link in here: Erin's Yahoo Photo Album Anyways, someone want to help me out with the html stuff, I know a few of ya'll know how to do it. :)

Which Trainspotting Character Are You?

Trainspotting is a fucking badass movie, ya'll should go rent it!!

MYSPACE:

Subject: Random ass thing
Posted Date: Monday, November 29, 2004 - 10:21 PM

Only doing this cause, well hell I have nothing else to do.

1. Who are you?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. Do you have a crush on me?

5. Would you kiss me?

6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

7. Describe me in one word.

8. What was your first impression?

9. Do you still think that way about me now?

10. What reminds you of me?

11. If you could give me anything what would it be?

12. How well do you know me?

13. When's the last time you saw me?

14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

MYSPACE:

Subject: Home sweet Home, or maybe not so sweet lol
Posted Date: Monday, November 29, 2004 - 12:48 PM
YAY!!!! I'm going back to my dorms today, where there are actual people to interact with lol. But yeah I thought I'd write really quick and tell ya'll that. But right now I have to finish getting my crap together and put it all in my car, then I have to go to my high school girl's first soccer practice of the year, how exciting lol. Then I'm going back to school. And I'm going to go work out when I get there, cause i definately need it, fatty here needs to get back into the habit of working out. Seriously. Ok well I'm going to go now, talk to ya'll laters. Oh yeah I also can't wait to get back MOSTLY because of the internet, well ethernet that is, so these websites will actually show up lol. Ok anyways, I'm out, laters. ----Erin

"Just Be; No Expectation" -Chris Marks

Northwood University's Women’s Soccer Schedule and Results 2004

AUGUST
25 -University of Mary-Hardin Baylor

SEPTEMBER
1 -UT-Dallas
L 2-3
Knights Split At UT-Dallas
The Northwood Knights Soccer teams traveled to UT-Dallas yesterday to begin their regular season. The Men continued to play well as they edged UTD 3 - 2 in double overtime. Goals were scored by Victor Montero, Cristyan Crespo, and Jorge Saauerda. Crespo's goal was assisted by Mariano Mariano. The Women were not as fortunate as their teammates. The Knights fell 2 - 3 to UTD, also in double OT. For the Knights, Sonia Gomez scored in the 29th minute of the first half with an assist from Debora Valeri and Emily Pitts scored in the 80th minute with an assist from Danica Brown. Next up for the Knights will be trip to John Brown University on Saturday.

4 -John Brown University
T 3-3
Knights Battle John Brown University
The Northwood University - Texas Soccer teams traveled Saturday to Siloam Springs, Arkansas to play John Brown University. In the first game, the Northwood Men's team lost 0 - 2. This was the Knight's first loss of the season. In the second game, the Knight's Women's team pulled out a 3 - 3 tie. Debora Valeri scored the tying goal with 7:00 minutes left. The contest was a seesaw battle. Both teams traded goals throughout the game. Claudia Gomez and Emily Penn both scored goals in the first half.

6 -Northwestern Oklahoma State University
L 1-3
Knight's Women Play On Labor Day
The Knight's Women soccer team played their home opener on Labor Day against the Northwestern Oklahoma State Rangers. Unfortunately, the day wasn't much of a holiday. On a rain-soaked field, the Knights fell 1 - 3 to the Rangers. The Knights fought hard all day but couldn't muster many quality shots on goal. The lone goal was scored by Junior, Emily Matthews after a fierce battle for the ball just feet in front of the Ranger's goal. The goal was assisted by Debora Valeri. The Knights get a welcomed rest for the next few days before they play their next game at home against Southern Nazarene on September 18th.

18 -Southern Nazarene University
L 3-5
Knights KO’d By SNU
The Knights took the field on the Northwood campus against Region VI foe Southern Nazarene University (SNU) on Saturday. The ladies lost their second consecutive game 5 – 3. The game was close at the end of the first half, 2 – 1, but SNU broke the game opened early in the second half with three quick goals that overwhelmed the Knights. Laney Cotton scored unassisted for Northwood with a corner kick in the first half. After SNU’s second half offensive barrage, the Knights came back with two goals. Debora Valeri and Emily Chadick scored to close the scoring gap.

21 -University of the Incarnate Word
L 2-8
Knights Split in South Texas
Kerrville, TX - The Northwood Knights Soccer teams squared off against the University of Incarnate Word (UIW) and Schreiner College (SC) on Tuesday. First, the ladies took to the field against UIW in Kerrville. The Knights continued their struggles as they were outscored 8 - 2. The ladies opened the scoring early with a goal from Debora Valeri in the second minute of the game. Valeri was assisted by Emily Chadick. By the end of the half, the Knights were still in a close game down 2 - 1. In the second half, Northwood couldn't match UIW's offensive punch. Camille Luevano scored the only goal for the Knights with an assist from Laney Cotton.

The Knights come home for weekend conference games against Southwest Assemblies of God on Friday and Oklahoma Christian University on Saturday.

25 -Oklahoma Christian University
W 3-1
Knight’s End Skid
The Northwood Knights Women’s Soccer team hosted Oklahoma Christian University (OCU) on Saturday in a Region VI match. The Knights were trying to end an early season three-game losing streak. They were successful thanks to great first half play by the Knight’s offense. NU scored three times in the first half and shutout OCU in the second to secure the win. Laney Cotton scored early in the game (6:02) with an assist from Emily Chadick. Chadick came back with a goal of her own at the 26:52 mark with the first of two assist from Camille Leunano. Debra Valeri closed out the first half scoring for the Knights. The defense was stingy led by sophomore goal keeper Misti Rodriguez and senior captain Christina Capel.

OCTOBER
5 -Oklahoma Wesleyan University
W 8-1
Knights Cruise Past OWU
The Northwood Knights Women’s Soccer team recorded their second consecutive win on Tuesday with a convincing 8 – 1 victory on the road against Oklahoma Wesleyan University in Bartlesville, Oklahoma. Debra Valeri, Emily Penn, Laney Cotton, and Emily Chadick each scored twice during the blowout. The scoring landslide began in the first half when Debra Valeri hit a direct kick from 30 yards out in the far post of the goal. Sophomore goal keeper Misty Rodriguez held a shut out through the first half and came out onto the field to record the first two assists of the second half. The Knight’s improved their season record to 2-4-1 and begin their Red River Athletic Conference competition Saturday at Bacone College.

9 -Bacone College*
W 2-1
Knight’s Streak At Three
The Northwood Knights Women’s Soccer team extended their winning streak to three games with a 2 – 1 victory on the road in Muskogee, Oklahoma against RRAC opponent Bacone College. The Knights fell behind early but fought back with a goal from sophomore Debra Valeri late in the first half (37:01) with an assist from senior captain Emily Chadick. The game winner came a few moments later (43:37) when junior Claudia Gomez scored. Gomez’s goal was assisted by Danica Brown. The defensive unit played well in the second half allowing very few shots by Bacone. The win pushes the Knights record to 3-4-1 overall and 1-0-0 in the Red River Athletic Conference.

15 -College of the Southwest*
W 3-1
Lady Knights Shutdown CSW
The Northwood Knights hosted the College of the Southwest (CSW) Mustangs in a RRAC game that would determine who would stay undefeated in conference play. Both teams entered the game 2 – 0 in the conference and a win would vault one of the teams into sole possession of first place. CSW scored first off a corner kick ten minutes into the first half. The Knights fired back when junior midfielder Danica Brown from Midlothian scored at 21:07. Brown was assisted by a brilliant pass driven through by Debra Valeri. Minutes later (29:01), Brown scored the game winner with an assist by Laney Cotton.

The Knight’s defensive unit led by goal keeper Misty Rodriguez, shutdown the Mustang’s offensive attack in the second half. In three of the past four games, the Northwood defensive unit has shutout their opponents in the second half. “They are displaying the discipline necessary to achieve our team goals,” said coach Scott Turner.

Sophomore Debra Valeri added a goal in the final seconds of the game for a 3 -1 Knight’s victory. Northwood leads the RRAC in the average number of goals per game with a 2.80 average. The victory pushes the Knight’s current winning streak to four games. Northwood improved its RRAC record to 2-0-0 and 4-4-1 overall.

23 -Texas A&M International University*

27 -Texas Wesleyan University*

29 -UT at Permian Basin*

November
2 -Texas A & M International University
W 8-1
Knights Win Big In RRAC Opener
The Northwood Knight’s Women’s Soccer Team opened RRAC Conference tournament play against Texas A & M International University on Tuesday morning on the Northwood campus in Cedar Hill, Texas. The Knights came into the tournament as the top seed with a 4 – 1 – 0 record in the RRAC regular season and 6 – 5 – 1 overall. The Dustdevils of TAMIU were seeded fourth with a 2 – 3 – 0 RRAC record and 3 – 14 – 0 overall. The game started well for the Knights. NU attacked immediately as Debora Valeri scored 18 seconds into the game. The Knights continued the attack, dominating the offensive end of the field. Emily Chadick scored the Knights second goal at the 8:07 mark on a fastbreak opportunity assisted by Danica Brown. The offensive kept rolling as Debora Valeri scored her second goal of the half at 10:42. The Knight’s defense stifled every Dustdevil attack. Defenders Erica Romo, Christina Capel, Emily Matthews, and goalkeeper Misti Rodriguez stopped TAMIU cold. Junior forward Danica Brown scored (23:34) with an assist from Emily Penn and Valeri to increase the Knight’s lead to 4 – 0. With less than four minutes to play in the half Erin Jones scored an unassisted point blank goal. The first half ended with the Knight’s leading 5 – 0.

The Knights continued the offensive onslaught with a goal from Emily Matthews from just inside the midfield circle. Debora Valeri scored unassisted from 18 yards out to complete a hat-trick with her third goal making the score 7 – 0 at the 55 minute mark. Just over two minutes later, Valeri was attacking again, scoring her fourth goal assisted by Chaddick on a give and go. The Dustdevils finally found the back of the Knight’s net as junior forward Erika Alcaraz scored from close range at the 61 st minute of the game. Through the second half, the Knight’s kept the offensive pressure on the Dustdevils. Valeri and Chaddick had driving shots ricochet of the crossbar midway through the half. In the end, the Knights were too much for the Dustdevils scoring an 8 – 1 victory. “Valeri was spectacular,” said coach Scott Turner after the game. “The team prepared and executed well through the entire game.” The Knights move on to the RRAC championship game tomorrow against the winner of the College of the Southwest and Texas Wesleyan University.


3 -College of the Southwest
W 2-1
Knights Battle For RRAC Championship
On the afternoon after the Presidential election, the battleground moved from the midwest states to the campus of Northwood University as the Northwood Knights hosted the College of the Southwest Mustangs in the RRAC Women’s Soccer Championship game in Cedar Hill. The top two seeds of the tournament faced off to determine who would advance to the NAIA Regional next week in Oklahoma. The Knights advanced to today’s championship game with an 8 - 1 first round victory over Texas A & M International University. Second seed CSW beat Texas Wesleyan University 2 – 1 in overtime. Both teams opened the game with tentative play; each trying to test the others weaknesses. But the Mustangs created the first legitimate scoring chance at 5:54 of the first half as sophomore forward Ashley Pfister found the left upper corner of the net for an early 1 – 0 lead. Pfister’s goal was assisted by Emily Miller. The Mustangs missed a golden opportunity late in the first half as two successive shots from point blank range glanced off the crossbar and the other sailing just over the goal. The defenses prevailed through the rest of the half as CSW led 1 – 0 at intermission.

The Knights attacked immediately in the second half as Debora Valeri dribbled deep into the Mustang’s offensive end then centered a pass to Emily Chadick who scored to tie the score 1 – 1 at 47:07. The Knights kept the defensive pressure on as Emily Matthews, Cristina Capel, Erica Romo, and keeper Misty Rodruguez shut down the Mustang’s offensive attempts. Dominating both ends of the field, Northwood took the lead 2 – 1 when Laney Cotton scored unassisted the game winner from the front of the goal after Emily Penn’s corner kick set up the attack. The Knights defended their RRAC championship and move on to the NAIA Regional Tournament in Alba, Oklahoma next Monday.

~~So lets give this a shot, and try to write a little bit~~

My life has been pretty crazy the last month or so, I feel as if I've hardly had time to sit down, which is actually partially true. I've most definately have not been able to get enough sleep. Between soccer and school, and trying to have a social life, I'm just pretty much exhausted. Like last night for instance, I didn't go to bed till 4:30 cause I was catching up on homework, which seems to be something I repeat regularly. But thank goodness the trimester is almsot up, tomorrow as a fact. I have 2 finals left to take. And I can't explain how much of a relief it is. The last 10 weeks have been hell for me, between classes, soccer, and my social life (or lack thereof). Alot of really shitty things have happened to me, which I do not wish to discuss. I've been down to my lowest of lows again, twice at that. I've recovered, I suppose. I got behind majorly in my classes because of missing for soccer and not being able to think clearly because of other stuff. Luckily my professors have been cool as hell. But I'm definately sure I failed philosophy, which ironicly is/was my favorite class, I loved it. But the last 2 weeks of class, I missed cause we had soccer games, so I was behind on the information, which ended up being half of our final, and I had know fucking clue what any of it was about, so I basically left it blank. Professor D'alessandro saw me later in the day, and was like what the fuck. Well in a concerned way, i'd been doing pretty damn good up until that point, and I say good but I was doing better than I could have expected with all the shit going on with me. I was probably making like a C or high C, so failing that final, failed me i'm sure of it. So thats really all that I'm upset about with all my finals.

I can only hope that I'll do well on my financial information final tomorrow. I fucked up pretty good in that class as well. I missed class last week, simply cause I didn't wake up (which pisses me off more than you know), and we had a major paper to turn in over our mutual fund. So yeah I have to basically ace that test I think. And is Erin studying, no, cause Erin is a dumbass and can't seem to properly study. But I'll get around to it eventually...... maybe. Arggh.... I'm such a fuck up sometimes, I hate it. I know everything that I'm doing wrong, but I can't seem to bring myself around to fixing the problems.

Oh wow, it feels so damn good to write. I haven't been able to write basically since I started school. Yeah the technology guys FINALLY came and fixed my computer, so now I can access websites (before only my messengers would come up cause the network here messed up, which messed up my computer). So yeah, I'm uber happy that it is fixed.

It still amazes me to this day how I am still all the guy's best friend. Oh I'm either that, or they just use me, and girls seem to like to use me too. Go figure. Got a game in a little bit, but I thought that I would post that. After my game I'm going home, then mom and I are heading to Austin, which I'll explain later. But we are going to th UT football game tomorrow. But well I'm going now, laters.

So I just saw this thing on the Blogger news: "Ask your readers to think of three photos they'd like to see posted to your blog. (Things around your house or whatever.) When you have enough requests, post them!" And I thought, hey this could be a cool thing to do. So yeah to all of my reader's out there, post a comment and tell me what you'd like to see.

I was just on bolt, and I found these response to Legalizing Gay Marriage on a poll, so yeah I thought I'd share them. And I know I could have found a hell of a lot more, but I don't really have time for that at the moment.

babygurlforeva 10/3/2004 3:36:32 PM
i am completly and full heartedly for it a friend of mine is gay, she is only 15 but that didnt stop me from being her friend. it was her judgement to be that way and she is a full christian so of course she thinks God decided to make her that way. if they love someone and arent afaid to walk out into public cuddling and loving someone like anyother human then that takes more courage than anyone could imagne. so they do have the dignity not to do anything that gross like sex or something in front of you so how is any different when your cuddling or kissing or what have you in public view with your boyfriend or girlfriend?

aradiachiba 10/3/2004 4:12:22 PM
Let them get married, then they can be just as miserable as the rest of us. A friend of the family said that, and I think it is funny and agree witht the sentiment. They have every right to be just as happy (or unhappy) as the rest of us through marraige. We should let them have that equality. This country was, after all, founded on the freedom to be who we want to be, not be forced into what people think you should be. I Love this response!!!!

Originality is relevant with respect to creativity and genius, in the sense that originality combined with intelligence may result in those.

PNO sn: GoneAstray

Pics at:http://photos.yahoo.com/erinljones_15_53

“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster.” Nietzsche

"The world in general doesn't know what to make of originality; it is startled out of its comfortable habits of thought, and its first reaction is one of anger." --W. Somerset Maugham

~~This is the anthem of my life~~

SIMPLE PLAN:
"Welcome To My Life"

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
but no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
But no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desparate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and their stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
But no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking downa
But no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

I just want to give up on people sometimes. I just get so low and depressed, or sometimes I'm not even like that, I just can't handle people anymore. I get tired of them because I just get so mentally and emotionally exhausted. Here lately I just want to shut down on everything, give up, and just say fuck it. I want things that I can't have. And the things I could possibly have, I can't have fully, not for a long while atleast. The things I don't want, I seem to get. My life lately seems to be full of bad luck, irony, and sheer shittiness. I am just tired of everything and everyone right now (well basically everyone). I just not really satisfied with my life right now. My confidence in myself, and self-esteem seem to decline everyday. I just don't feel like I'm in a healthy environment. At my game on saturday, before the game I got really emotional, and the entire first half of the game I kept hyper-ventilating. I mean thats just an example of how unstable I am. But well I don't want to write anymore, cause once again I'm not on my computer, and I hate this keyboard. So I'm off to bed, laters

Just so ya'll know, my internet at school is not letting me access in websites on my laptop, so thats why I haven't been writing in here lately. And I don't like using other people's computers, so thats also why I'm not writing. So well yeah, hopefully it will be fixed soon. But until then, I guess just be patient or whatever with me not writing. Ok thats all, Laters.

~~Today has been a really good day~~

So I got up early and took a shower, mom came and picked me up and she was going to take me to Katlin's game this morning. The website said the game was at 10:00, so we got there at like 9:40, and waited for about an hour, and all I was seeing was little 12 year old girls. So I finally gave up and I was like ok lets just go back to the dorm. But right when you get off of Cooper St. to get back on to I-20 there are several Vandergriff dealerships. And I was just tired and mom kept slowing down and all this stuff, and I just wanted to come back to the dorm and go back to sleep. Well mom finally turns into the Toyota dealership, and then she turns into the new parking lot rather than the used parking lot, although there was a sign right there. And the employees were watching us, so I felt like a dumbass. But well all of it turned out really well I suppose. We didn't set out to get a car, but we did, I got a new car. Its a 2000 Chevrolet Prizm. Its silver, 4 door, power locks, but manual mirrors and windows. But it has a pretty good stereo system in it. I keep forgetting I have a car now, its crazy. But I like it.

Well as soon as we got back to the dorm, well I got back and realized my dorm keys were still in moms car, so I just chilled in the car and messed with the radio. Then she got the UPC code off of my laptop and she went home. Then it was almost 2:20, and I was like hell, I know Katlin is playing today, and I was like if its not at 10, then it has to be at 3. So I left and drove back to Cooper St. and the kickass thing is that it only takes me like 10 minutes to get there, so I'm thinking I'm going to make most of Katlin's games. So anyways, I made it to Katlin's game, and I think they played pretty damn good. Seriously. After the game she came and sat by me, and then her dad actually came over and started talking to me, which was really cool. Which I'm retarded half of the time and I can't ever seem to understand people, so I felt like a dumbass talking to him, cause I kept asking what. Lol. But well Katlin (and her dad) and Kristen (and her parents) decided they were going to go eat at Bennigan's. And well Katlin and Kristen invited me to go. And I kept asking Katlin if she really thought it was ok if I went, and she kept saying just ask him (pointing to her dad). Well so I leave, and manage to not be able to get in the right lane (I would have ended up having to get on 20), but I turned around and made a loop, and went to Bennigan's, and just as soon as I park, someone call's me and I don't recognize the number. Well I answer, and it was Kat, of course, then she tells me they're going to Applebee's, and so I hear her dad in the background saying where it was (cause I asked), so he knew I was coming and all that. Then while we were eating he kept talking to me like I was a normal person, almost as if nothing bad happened between all of us in the past. It was crazy. I had a lot of fun with all of them, before Kristen and I didn't really talk (like back when I first met her), but today we were all talking and joking around and stuff. I really enjoyed it all, I was happy. I felt safe being around Katlin for the first time since February. It wasn't really awkward at all. Now granted if her mom was there, I would probably not have been allowed anywhere in the ficinity, lol, just kidding-kind of.

So well yeah, I had a pretty damn good day. Even when I come back and get bashed by everyone here in the dorms, my good mood from earlier is still around. And its a good thing. Yeah good days are good. Laters.

I am completely mesmerized by people who can sing and play the guitar!!

~~I found this on someone else's blogger, its freaking great~~

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

• Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
  
• Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with Chinaand Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
  
• The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
  
• A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
  
• Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
  
• The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
  
• If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
  
• A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
  
• Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
  
• HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
  
• Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
  
• A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is soliddefense policy.
  
• Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
  
• The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
  
• Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers foryour recovery.
  
• You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.
  
• What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

~~Suddenly my life gets turned up-side down, and is tilted off its axis~~

I can't seem to grasp reality lately. So many things have just been thrown at me without any notice. Its not something I've been handling well, especially tonight. My emotions came crashing down on me, I broke down, and I almost lost it. I'm thinking maybe I should go back on my zoloft, but I hate it, but I like it at the same time. I mean having insomnia and feeling jittery alot, isn't something I care for, but it seems to calm me down though. But the last few weeks, I've just felt like I've been on an emotional roller-coaster, literally. Alot of things lately, are my expectations of things and my life. And when my my life doesn't go according to plan, it really pisses me off. And it upsets me and pisses me off even more when someone is getting in my way and messing up my plans. I can't seem to get through to people anymore, I can't get them to understand my thought process and my feelings. But granted I don't think that ever happened in the first place but who knows. Lately I've just been feeling so helpless with everything, cause I can't do anything about the situations that I am in. I'm helpless, and I'm beginning to become hopeless cause nothing seems to be changing.

Drama seems to continue to follow me where ever I go, its exhausting having it around 24/7. I'm tired mentally and physically. I am emotionally spent. I cried for awhile tonight, by myself, while lying on a bench on our soccer field, all alone. No one to comfort me, there never is anyone there to console me. When I leave the room upset, no one ever comes after me. I wish there'd be someone around that would come after me...... atleast once and awhile.

Well I'm going to go now, perhaps I'll write more tomorrow, laters.

**This song is so fitting for me at the moment**

AVRIL LAVIGNE:
"Nobody's Home"

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah

**And the World Goes Round**

So everyday, we go about our own little lives, doing our own thing. Occasionally our lives intertwine. We walk in, and we walk out, just like that. We just continue and continue to do our own thing. I was just thinking about this, cause I started classes today. And having different classes than everyone else. And its also the fact that, I still seem to go about doing my own thing, like the true loner that I am. I still am the guys best friend, apparently. I'm doing my own thing, and everything else has seemed to stay the same. It just keeps on happening, in a continuous rotation, and the world just keeps going around. Lol I bet none of this made sense to ya'll but who knows, i'm just writing cause I can. Perhaps tomorrow when I have time to think, I will be able to think more clearly. Well I'm going to go to bed now, laters.

~~So, this is an email I sent out, simply cause I was bored one day, and I thought I would post what the other people wrote about me~~

Anna Volpi: in green
Jay Pack: in orange
Gina Tramel: in blue
Miranda Smith: in maroon
Katlin Southall: in purple

Ok so I know ya'll hate these things, but I'm really bored, and one of my friends sent me this, and your supposed to send it to all of your friends, blah, blah, blah, etc. And normally I wouldn't do it, but I have to say, I am curious of what people really know about me. So if you have time or whatever, answers these questions the best you can, and don't be afraid to say you don't know, lol. Or you could just BS your way through it, its all good. Well laters...---Erin

1. My name: Erin Jones, erin, Erin, Erin, Erin

2. Where did we meet?: Soccer Practice, soccer class, I wanna say soccer practice but i think it was officially at school, At school, Soccer

3. Take a stab at my middle name: Lindsay, i dont know, lindsey, Lindsay, @_@ um... well... good question.

4. How long have you known me?: since a little bit befor the middle of my freshman year, for a while, a while, almost 3 years i think, since last fall, I think, or was it the winter months I met you?

5. How well do you know me?: well, i think i know you better than some but not as well as others, pretty good, pretty good, pretty well, Not all that well

6. Do I smoke?: ONLY WHEN DEPRESSED...,sometimes but not really, i hope not, No, >.> Not that I know of

7. Do I believe in God?: dunno, i think you might believe there is a god but your not like HOLY HOLY HOLY, i dont know, i think so, Questionable, I don't believe you do

8. When you first saw me, what was your impression?: DAMN she is short!!!,sweet cute and cool, SOCCER PLAYER!!, im going to hit on her :), OMG! SHE'S SHORT!!!! lol, and cute, of course.

9. My age: 18, 18, 18, 18, 18

10. My birthday: umm April 20th?, 4/20, 4 -20, April 20 1986, April 20th

11. Hair color: well dude it changes alot....right now a dakish brown, brown, brown/orange/light brown, depends on the week, naturally brown, but red most of the time I saw you

12. Eye color: brown possibly hazil, brown, brown, brown, brown

13. Am I tall, short or average?: SHORTY:), short, short, um short, Oh my... short, definitely short

14. Do I have any siblings?: 2 brothers, Kyle(FRICKEN HOTTIE) & Brian?!?!, yes, yes 2, yeah 2 bro's and a step sis, She answered it (but I just realized I screwed up on pasting the answer, but I know she got it right)

15. (opposite sex) Have you ever had a crush on me?: If i was a dude or gay then hell I might!!! j/k, even through im not opposite sex but yes, she left it blank, YEAH, *snorts* Let's think about this... yeah, definitely had a crush on you.

16. (same sex) Have you ever been jealous of me?: Well yea but just cuz your so outgoing & cool to be around & you are very like sure of your self...you know what you want, no, umm.. only when you went to the trainer instead of running!, YEAH, er... I don't think so

17. Who am I in love with?: well, inlove? but your with Renee right now & she is a pretty awesome chick, i dont know, me? j/k, Ranee and me, Well, I know you love me, but are we talking about the same thing? Oh, and nothing's changed, by the way

18. What is one of my favorite things to do?: play soccer?, play soccer, play soccer, write watch movies, write poetry? soccer?

19. Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?: well I remember you making fun of me....haha those were the days!!!, no but maybe something abot renee (ducky), hi?, What ya doin, Erm... a lot of stuff that I was too nervous to commit to memory. I just remember you laughing a lot.

20. What's your funniest memory of me?: Well weve had lots but uhh, Pizza Hut...SPIT BALLS, doing handstands, lots of stuff, o damn when i droped you off your bed, I'd have to say when you were over at my house and you took a bite of that zuuchini boat thing. The look on your face, I still laugh whenever I think about it

21. What's my favorite type of music?: Something you can Jam to in the car, everything, all kinds, lots of stuff, erm... *doesn't know what falls into what category* You have millions of cds, so, I'm not going to answer that.

22. What is my best feature?: you have a nice smile & pretty eyes, your eyes b/c they are the window to the soul, your personality, Your cute ass smile and eyes, Hair, eyes, laugh.

23. What is my worst feature?: hard to say...i dont pick people apart, i haven't found one yet, your inability to connect, not sure, You don't have one.

24. Do you look up or down on me...as a person?: well I definately look up to you, up to you even though your shorter than me, level, up, Up... but physically, down, unless you're standing on something that's a foot and a half or more.

25. Do you think I have morals and values?: Yea i mean everyone does, but they could be alot of diffirent things..., yes, yes i do, yes, Yes

26. Am I a leader or a follower?: leader, leader, depends, leader, I don't know

27. Am I shy or outgoing?: outgoing, both, depends, outgoing, I'll take a stab at outgoing

28. Can you picture me dancing?: well uh sorry dude but umm not really, maybe, oh ya, hand stands!, no, *grins* Um, lol, probably...

29. Can you picture me rolling (down a hill)?: HELL YEA, yes, seen it!, yeah, Yes, and I can picture me pushing you.

30. Would you say I am funny?: YUP, yeah in your own little way, very much so, yes, Yep, I would say that

31. Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules?: half & half, both, usually rebel, both rebel, you rebel... when you're done sleeping....

32. Do I have any special talents?: your leadership skills are a talent, your soccer skills & i am sure you have more..., yes, if awesome handstands is a talent.. yes, yeah, you're poetry

33. What's my best accomplishment?: college i guess, i dont know, depends on what you counts as accomplishments, puting good impacts on peoples lives, lol, your stubborness, though, that can get annoying at times

34. Would you consider me a friend?: YES a very good friend, yes, of course, yes, Yes.

35. Would you call me preppy, slutty, a homie, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else?: well sporty & cool & just YOU!!!, a little of everthing, a homie, yeah sure, You're you, nothing more, nothing less

36. Have you ever seen me cry?: i have seen you close to tears, no, almost, yeas, No, I've seen you pissed off though

37. If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be?: shorty, i dont know, E Dawg, KIDO, ... Erin? Or shrimp lol

38. What is your favorite thing to do with me?: chill & go to Ft. Worth & DRINK, hang out and chill, play..talk..chill out, LOTS OF STUFF, I'll go with your answer here.

39. (opposite sex) Would you ever make out with me?: not a dude, yes even though im not opposite sex, she left it blank, YES, We're both female, but, yep, I've already, and would again if I had a chance. Which isn't happening anytime soon.

40. Have I ever been there for you?: OH HELL YEA, always, yes on more than one account, yea, YES, Yes. Many times

41. Am I fun to be with?: Well maybe... KIDDING yes you are, yes, yea, YES, *grins*

42. Am I smart?: yes yes, yes, yup, YES, You're intelligent. There's a difference

43. Am I conservative or unconservative?: dunno what that means...., i dont know, conser, THE FIRST ONE, unconservative

44. Do you love me??: In a friend type way I care for you alot, maybe a little, as a friend.. yes, YES, Yes

45. Name one way I have changed your life of made an impact in it: Being there to listen to my when I needed to talk...and all the good advice, you help understand myself better and whats good for me, you made me think about things, I THINK YOU KNOW, One way? Damn. Being with you was an eye opener. Dating you, for the short time we did so freely, was awesome. You've made a place in my heart, and you'll alway be there. Always.

-Anna Volpi Hey how about you do one for for me now, this little quiz thing.... , well that was kinda long but it was fun talk to you later jay, YOUR GOING TO LOVE ME FOR THIS

~~My Roommate's mom is really cool and nice~~

Dbassinbro: Hi erinPaula's mom here, saw you play today, good game. All that running!!! as you can tell I don't know much about soccer.
erinlJONES: wow, i didn't realize you came, thanks for coming. yeah its a lot of running thats for sure, thats the most i've gotten to play so far, so I was a bit tired
Dbassinbro: you did good, seems like you guys were a bit outnumbered by the other team.
erinlJONES: thanks, yeah having only 2 subs is a killer
erinlJONES: everyone on the team was exhausted since we've already had 2 games within the last week
Dbassinbro: well tell Paula good night for me , gotta go make Dakin read his book. Hope to see you again soon. Love MOM
erinlJONES: ok I will
erinlJONES: goodnight
Dbassinbro signed off at 9:20:44 PM.

WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY

Is homosexuality a sin?

LESBIAN, GAY AND BISEXUAL STUDENTS' BILL OF EDUCATIONAL RIGHTS

*~*My Soccer Schedule*~*

September
1st, Wednesday @ UTD, at 5 p.m. (in Richardson, Texas) Lost 3-1 in overtime; Diana (our goalie) broke her shin at the end of 2nd half, went into overtime.
4th, Saturday @ John Brown, at 1 p.m. (in Saloam Springs, Arkansas) Tied 3-3, went into overtime.
6th, Monday @ home, at 1 p.m. Lost, 3-1.
18th, Saturday @ home, at 1 p.m.
21st, Tuesday @Schreiner, at 1 p.m. (in Kerrville, Texas)
25th, Saturday @ home, at 2 p.m.

October
5th, Tuesday @ Oklahoma Wesleyan, at 1 p.m. (in Bartlesvile, Ok.)
9th, Saturday @ Bacone, at 1 p.m. (in Muskogee, Ok.)
15th, Friday @ Home, at 1 p.m.
23rd, Saturday @ Home, at 12 p.m.
27th, Wednesday @ Texas Wesleyan, at 1 p.m. (in Ft. Worth, Tx.)
29th, Friday @ University Texas Permian Basin, at 1 p.m. (in Odessa, Tx.)

And thats it for now, if we win conference again this year, we'll have more games etc. etc. And if that happens I'll be sure and let ya'll know. Well thats all for now laters.

~~As I sit here listening to Alanis Morissette, I think about life~~

As I look at my leg I see the scratch mark from my cat. I look at my room, and the disaster area that it is. I see the almost full packed bag of clothes that has been sitting there for more than a week. I sit here knowing that downstairs, my mom is lying in her bed all alone. I know there is now not a breakfast table, a dog, a toaster oven, the lawn mower, as well as several other random things. I sit here knowing the grass outside is growing taller everyday because its been left unattended the last week and a half. I sit here on my bed, using my laptop. I sit here, thinking about my life, I see the materialistic things, and I feel the emotions and I know the knowledge. But what does it all mean, what have we done in our lives that has brought us to this point. I sit here wearing my glasses, thinking of them being as if I am seeing things through a different altered perspective. Knowing full well that I am just writing that and also knowing that I only mean it theoretically, not completely literally. Are you understanding what I'm writing, are you following it. Or does it just seem like I'm rambling about complete nonsense. I don't think I'm rambling, I know I'm writing what I am thinking and what I'm thinking. I just am writing to figure it all out. I need to figure it all out... is it possible.

So lets catch up a bit, ok. First of all, I am in a weird mood, lol as if you haven't noticed already. And secondly, my life has seemed to be a little ironic lately, which I will explain later in this entry.

IRONY: incongruity between what might be expected to happen and what actually happens; the use of words to suggest the opposite of what they literally mean.
IRONIC: marked by or constituting irony

**Mom**

Ok so after the first week of 2-a-days I was able to come home after practice that Saturday (the 14th), and I had to come straight home because mom had to go in and do micro. Well I was only going to be able to be home that night, because I had to go back sunday because I had 2-a-days again on monday and I was staying in the dorms, so mom could have the car the rest of the week. Well as soon as I get home, mom had to leave as soon as I got there. But she informed me of something. She said "I asked Bee to leave, and his last load of laundry is in right now." And I was sitting there partly in shock and not knowing what to say. So basically I was just like ok, and what am I supposed to say to that. So she told me she just wanted me to know what was going on. So then she left to go to work, and I was left thinking what the fuck, that was weird. Well later on that night, I came out of my room, and she was on the phone, with one of my aunts. And I heard her saying that over the summer she asked Bee to stop drinking and dipping twice, and that he just stopped doing it at home. But she knew he was still doing it all behind her back. She said he was a bum who is in deep financial debt and that she doesn't want to be associated with that anymore, especially after John.

Ok so I came home from practice on Friday, and picked up mom from work, and we went and ate at Chachi's, now that in itself is not weird. Well what is weird is my mom actually talking to me about personal stuff for like the first time ever. The ironic thing was me being the one giving advice. But what was really weird and kind of freaky, was we we're sitting there talking and all the sudden Bee is walking past the window looking in. And he came in and asked if he could sit down, and mom was kind of freaking out. And he sat down, and asked if we would mind if he ate with us, then he realized that it was really awkward having him there, and he said that if we wanted him to leave that he would. And my mom was like yeah, it would be a whole lot less awkward. So he left. During all that my mom looked at me funny, and I was just like don't look at me theres nothing I can do. But then mom continued to actually talk to me after he left. She basically told me what I already knew or had found out. But she felt guilty in a way, and I was just like you can help how you feel, and you did what you thought was best. And she also said it was she guessed that she had changed, and I was like you always change. Now that got me a questionable look, I repeated myself, and then found myself giving a speech I've given a few times, but I hadn't actually planned to give it lol. I just told her that everyone changes and that theres nothing wrong with that, and thats the simplest way to say it. The next day I came downstairs to find my mom and Bee talking in the kitchen, I just kind of kept walking and ignored him as much as I could. It was weird.

Well I personally, I really don't care that my mom broke it off with him, I'm actually pretty happy about it. I never wanted him around, he replaced me. Before they got together, I was the one who helped mom out, I was the one who mowed the yard and who did all that other stuff. And mom and I were starting to get close, but when he came along, it all disappeared. My life disintegrated into nothingness, I became the lonely child once again. My mom and I never really spent time together after that, mainly because he was always around. I was disgusted by him, he was always drinking, dipping, or in his underwear (and without a shirt on). He's 10 years younger than my mom. He's a hick like no other. He has two daughters who are younger than me, and I could never seem to spend time around them, it was always weird. Now you may just say its like that at first, well it never changed. With Jon-Paul and Janelle, it was easy to be around them. And they never came over to our house, so it was weird too. But mostly I love John, he was more of a father to me than my own biological one, he was always there for me. And when Bee came along, well I really did not want another man attempt and be my new father figure. And also its the fact that he was so much younger than my mom. I suppose over the years I grew a tolerance to Bee, but he always drove me crazy, I just tried to ignore him, and put up with him for my mothers sake. I mean I know I've written about Bee before on here, he is a nice, sweet guy, but hes just a bum. I am glad my mom broke it off with him. His doctor is supposedly making him go to AA and all that. So I suppose its kind of a good thing for him.

Ok and another view of all of this, my mom has been married twice, each for a very extended amount of time. And the one other guy she dated, she dated for a long period of time as well. However, it never worked out with any of them. And how I perceive this, is that it kind of influences my theory. And that theory is that I will end up alone. And I say that in a content way. Seriously I think it will run in the family. If my mom can't seem to find one person to spend the rest of her life, and shes straight, then how do you think I'm going to manage staying with someone the rest of my life (and I'm gay). Lol and I use the homosexual reference in meaning that, I think relationships are easier to find and easier to live for straight people. Homosexual relationships are harder to find, and often criticized and all that. But yeah my point being, that I think my theory is correct. And I'm content with that. Ok so this is all for now, laters.

~~I am so tired of people and their drama~~

Seriously, I don't like drama and I don't need it in my life. If you're having problems with yourself and you need growing up to do, don't burden me with it. I don't mind being a friend to people and listening to their problems. But dammit, if you need to talk about something, then talk about it, don't call me and sit there and be like "uhh...." Ask Miranda, she knows I hated it when she used to call and then basically not talk and then get off the phone after only a few seconds. I hate it when people call and don't actually talk about anything, its just so annoying. Especially when they've just talked to me on the internet or something. Ok so thats enough about that.

**Hmmm...... What should I write about now**

Oh, I know, how about this: I went and ran 4 miles tonight, I don't think I've ever ran that much in one day. Yeah today was supposed to me recovery practice, well I kind of missed it. They called me last night and told me practice was going to be earlier, but mom had already gone to bed, so I figured when I got up I would just call her if she had already left for work and she could just come home real quick so I could have the car, it would be no problem. Well I called and called and called and called, no one ever answer on either of the phones. Come to find out mom was in a meeting, so there was not anything I could do about it. So I just went back to sleep. So mom calls me around noon and I tell her I missed practice, she seemed like she felt guilty, although it wasn't her fault. Right after she called, Scott called (my coach), and asked why I wasn't there. And he told me I should go run for 45 minutes. Run 15 minutes, walk for 5, run 15, walk 5, then run 10 and finish. Well I did that, I ended up running 4 miles, and the whole time my shin splints were acting up (which they started doing this week for some reason), so when I'd start getting to the end up the time my feet were going numb cause I was losing circulation. Not a real fun thing. But I felt good about it. Really good, I accomplished something that I normally probably wouldn't have done.

!!Ok so I totally haven't felt like writing about soccer and 2-a-days and all that.... until now!!

So yeah I started 2-a-days on Aug. 10th. We had to move into the dorms, I was basically the only one who stayed there nearly all of the time. Practice really wasn't all that bad. So I have nothing to complain about. I love the team, everyone of them. But I can say nearly every story they tell is a drunken one. Its crazy. The first week, Misty and I went ice skating, which is actually really cool, I could definately get into it. Last week, Scott took both of the teams bowling on friday, which was really corny and funny, but it was pretty fun.

Saturday was freshman initiation, and I am honest, so I am going to say what happened. If you get mad, then I could care less. Cause there wasn't a whole lot I could have changed about the situation. Well basically it was a party, keg and all. Several of the guys and a few girls are potheads, so well they got me high. Then right after that I had to take 2 shots of 100% tequila (sp?) the good kind (which is more expensive). And to add to it all I had to drink beer. So yeah I was trashed. But I knew what all was going on, the only thing they really did to me was write all over my upper body with permanent marker. And we had pictures the next day, which was kind of funny, but luckily it all came off actually really easy when I took a shower in the morning. But I didn't have a hangover or anything like that, and I never threw up. Now before someone gets pissy with me, you should know me better than all this. Its not something I do every weekend or anything like that. It was simply part of my team initiating me, and thats it. But I do get to say, it was pretty damn fun, and I trust these people, they take care of me. So no worries ok.

Oh yeah, we had a scrimmage last week against Richland College, we won 5-2, and I played atleast 60-70 minutes of the game. We had a game this Wednesday against Mary-Hardin Baylor, we won 4-1, and I played about 20-30 crucial minutes of the game. And I can say, both games were hotter than hell. But so far, everything has been going well. And I love the girls. Well I guess this is all I have to say for now. I simply am tired, and I'm getting up early to go up and see Katlin and the rest of the soccer girls, and then go to practice. Perhaps I'll write more laters.

THIS IS SONG #12

ASHLEE SIMPSON:
"Undiscovered"

Take it back, take it all back now
The things I gave,
Like the taste of my kiss on your lips,
I miss that now
I can't try any harder than i do
All the reasons I gave,
Excuses I made for you
I'm broken in two

All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
Yeah I need you
Don't walk away

Touch me now how I wanna feel
Something so real,
please remind me My love,
and take me back
Cause I'm so in love with what we were
Im not breathing I'm suffocating without you
Do u feel it too?

All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you
Yeah I need you

When im in the dark and all alone
Dreaming that you'll walk right through my door,
Its then i know my heart is whole
Theres a million reasons why i cry
Hold my covers tight and close my eyes
Cause I dont wana be alone

All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you, I need you

Cause I cant fake and I cant hate
But it's my heart
Thats about to break
You're all i need
I'm on my knees
Watch me bleed
Would you listen please
I give in
I breathe out
I want you, theres no doubt
I freak out, I'm left out
Without you, I'm without
I'm crossed out
I can't doubt
I cry out
I reach out
Don't walk away
Don't walk away
Don't walk away

The girl with the loneliest eyes and a hole in her heart.

Oh Fuck, I want to cut. I really truely do. I can only hope my will power will keep me from it. I want to so bad, but I can't, I can't, I can't. I can't let my self. If only I had one true friend that I would actually come over when I need them. I want to cut dammit.

Sunday, Update: Just so you know, I didn't cut.

Ryan Cabrera:
"True"

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
that you belong with me
you might think
I don't look
but deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm

I'm weak
it's true
cause I'm afraid to know the answer
do you want me too?
cause my heart keeps falling faster

[chorus]
I've waited all my life
to cross this line
to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
it's time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true

you don't know
what you do
everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak
it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
do you see me too?
do you even know you meant me!

[Chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
its time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true

I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
the way that's true

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
its time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true

~~Ok so basically I'm wound up, and can't quite get to sleep yet, so I'm doing this. Yay for boredom, lol yay for me atleast, it just continues to be boring for you~~

*1. FIRST NAME: Erin

*2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? well my middle name was party based on my dad's dad and my mom's middle name, which is Lynn, mine is Lindsay

*3. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? I gave up on wishing, you you want something to happen you have to go out and get it

*4. WHICH FINGER IS YOUR FAVORITE? ummm... my index finger

*5. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? sunday night

*6. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? not particularly

*7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? its always been ham, but these days its turkey, packaged ham always seems to taste funny to me, lol

*8. ANY BAD HABITS? hah... i'll choose to ignore that one

*9. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF? meh.. none of them are embarassing I love them all

*10. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? lol yeah I probably would

*11. ARE YOU A DAREDEVIL? lol I have no idea, never been presented with the opportunity

*12. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL? No

*13. DO LOOKS MATTER? not really, they could only be mere benefit to someone's personality

*14. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? jam in the car and screaming the lyrics at the top of my lungs, or I write.

*15. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? the soccer field, or the car

*16. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY? I trust everyone, until they give me a reason I shouldn't, but I always believe in people no matter what they do

*17. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? tiy? I don't remember toys, lol, umm... this thing where you can hammer different shaped blocks through the board thing lol

*18. WHAT CLASS IN SCHOOL DO YOU THINK IS TOTALLY USELESS? teachers aide

*19. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? only one actual journal thats this one lol, but I have another for my poems

*20. DO YOU USE SARCASM? all the time

*21. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? not sure, I guess understanding

*22. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Erwin, C.P., Yoda, Carrot Top, Mad Dog

*23. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? if give the opportunity I probably would

*24. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? nope

*25. DO YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE STRONG? physically yeah, mentally not always

*26. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? strawberry or chocolate chip cookie dough

*27. SHOE SIZE? 4.5 or 5's

*28. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? red

*29 HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE? lol none had them cut out before school started last year

*30. WHO DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW? my brother Kyle

*31. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE YOU SEND THIS TO, TO SEND IT BACK? no cause I'm posting this

*32. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? was the Maroon 5, now its 100.3 Jack FM

*33. LAST THING YOU ATE? sunflower seeds

*34. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Renee

*35. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? honestly, if they have a big ego or not

*36. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS? lol well she didn't send it to me, I sent it to her first and then she posted hers on her journal and now I'm doing the same lol. But Rebecca is a wonderful person

*37. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? today was the best day I've had in awhile

*38 FAVORITE DRINK? always RC cola, lol uhh... thats it really

*39. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? lol smirnoff

*40. FAVORITE SPORTS? Soccer and softball

*42. EYE COLOR? brown

*43. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? nope

*44. SIBLINGS? two older brothers, a younger step-sis and a older step-bro.

*45. FAVORITE MONTH? March or April

*46. FAVORITE FOODS? mexican, steak and sunflower seeds

*47. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Chasing Liberty, guys with accents and Mandy Moore in beautiful foreign countries

*48. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? not family holidays thats for sure lol, umm.... any day that I am happy is my fav. day

*49. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? most definately not

*50. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? happy endings

*51. SUMMER OR WINTER? fall

*52. HUGS OR KISSES? depends who they're from

*53. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? at this point in my life, not a relationship, but I couldn't randomly have a one night stand (unless its someone I used to date)

*54. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? No one, cause I'm posting this

*55. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? hell I imagine someone will still email me this, lol

*56. WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? nothing actually, I started reading The Lovely Bones, but I got out of my reading phase, I need to go back into that phase

*57. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? gateway logo, altough I don't have a gateway computer lol

*58. FAVORITE BOARD GAMES? board games are evil lol (my brothers weren't fair when I was growing up, so now I have a natural hate towards them lol). I prefer playing solitare

*59. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? umm... the Days and alot of news (news is great, seriously)

*60. FAVORITE SMELLS? white tea and ginger (my lotion), the smell after I vacuum, clean sheets and clothes, the smell of whoever I like, lol my brothers, and my cool water perfume

*61. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP? hmm... I'm going back to sleep for another few hours, although I had already slept 8-9 hours, unless its my cat waking me up (then I might be a bit mad)

*62. THE PERSON THAT SENT THIS TO YOU: Again, I just copied and pasted from her journal, but shes a great person, who isn't directionally challened, unlike me lol

??Am I a bad person??

I often wonder that. I don't understand how I can hurt someone and they still love me. Maybe perhaps they realize that I never set out to hurt them, and that things just panned out differently than I planned. I've been an adult for so long, I need to be a kid sometimes, I need to experience things and learn. There are certain things about life that I need to live and figrue out and learn on my own. I need to feel that I'm living with out limitations, after all I know nothing is impossible. There are alot of things in this life that I want, I know I won't get them all. But there are also alot of things in this world that I need, and I also won't get them all. But I can never acheive either if I don't try and work my hardest to get them. You never know what could of been unless you try. Everyone has different paths, I have to travel along mine, down its different curves, detours, and dead ends. But I have to keep going. Sometimes I share that path, sometimes I won't. People will come in and out of my life, but in the end all I will have is myself, and I have to do whats best for me.

I realize with just about everyone I've dated, I'd been teaching them something, and I suppose eventually the lesson was taught and they learned, or i taught and got tired of teaching. And after the teacher left, they finally realized what I was trying to teach them. Lol metaphors, why do I try to use them, lol. But seriously though, I get tired after awhile, I wish things were simple. But truth be told, nothing is simple. I get tired of being the teacher, I get tired of being the bad guy, I get tired of being the adult, I just get tired. I need a break, I have my break, it is now. Forgive me for doing anyone of you harm, I never intended it to be that way. I love ya'll. I hate being that bad person, but sometimes I just have to be that person. Thats all for now, laters.