MYSPACE:

Subject: wow an actual entry lol
Posted Date: Saturday, December 04, 2004 - 12:14 PM
So i've been thinking alot lately, about relationships and stuff. And I wonder why exactly it is that I generally don't want the girls who want me, and the girls I want don't want me. I've gotten used to this fact, and actually it amuses me these days. I mean hell why not, you have to find humor in the bad things or else eventually you'll just be miserable and bitter. I've actually been on a pattern, about every 2 years i fall for a girl, like really fall for, each time i've been rejected...... so yeah it takes me awhile to get back around to putting my heart back out there on the line. I think alot of the people I've recently met, just like met through other friends, they'd never be interested in me, not even as a friend, cause i'm pretty damn shy when i meet new people, so i don't seem like much fun (which I'd like to think I am fun, but it does take me awhile to get used to people and open up to my true self). And with people that see my profiles online, I think what i write in them intimidate alot of people, or in the sense that I'd be way to serious or that "i'm so honest with what I want, that it scares them away, cause they themselves don't know what they want for sure and aren't ready to be around someone who is so headstrong about what they want" And yes that is actually something i've been told before, specifically, and i've been told basically the same thing from several other people. Yeah sure I may know what I want, but geez people I'm only 18 years old, I have a lot more of life to live and to experience. I don't expect to jump into something right away, mainly i'm on all these sites to meet girls, for friends, cause I don't have many gay friends, and i'm trying to find some. But you can't expect from me to just want a relationship from people I talk to, I just simply want that is to have a friend to talk to and hang out with, and hell if later on down that road the friendship turns into more, then thats what will happen. But I just wish people would actually talk to me, and not be intimidated by me or think I'm a loser or too serious or whatever else. I just think, give me a chance, give me the light of day and get to know me for who I am. I can say this, I've been through alot of shit in my life, and its been a process to get through alot of it. But I've learned alot about myself, and I can generally see a bit of myself in everyone, so I can understand where most people come from. So believe it or not, theres part of me like you, even though i may not seem like it. I may seem boring for awhile, but its really cause i'm secretly scared to death to make a bad impression. Which ironically causes me to make a bad/lame impression. But give me awhile and hopefully you'll see something good ya like in me. Ok so yeah anyways, I'm not sure why I just wrote that, but i did, its just been on my mind like I said. Just thinking. Well I'm going to go for now, hope you enjoy my first actual journal entry. Laters