**Can I be any more exhausted?? I bet I could lol**

So the last 4-5 days have been very interesting, and very tiring. Where to begin, hmmm... Ok we'll start with Thursday. On Thursday, all I had to do with school was graduation practice, and then afterwards I was just going to get Wink to sign my yearbook, but he left it in his office so I had to wait until they got back from working out in soccer. Well so I did, and watched the last half of Miracle, in the gym with all the people who were exempt from their 2nd period finals, all of these people were either sophomores or juniors. So well I waited from them to get back, got Wink to sign my yearbook, started to leave, got into my car. Saw Renee as she was leaving. She followed me to my dads. And we went in for a little bit and talked to my dad, and Renee changed out of her skirt. While we were sitting there talking to dad, we heard sirens cause there was a wreck, and a little before that Janelle had came in. And I was just joking around and I was like hey dad, you don't have to call us. Cause everytime dad hears sirens he calls me, and he now calls Janelle since shes driving now too. Janelle thought what I said was pretty funny too.

And as we were leaving my dad commented on how it looked like it was going to rain, and he hoped it wouldn't. And then he told us to be careful and drive slow. I told him I already drove slow, he said well drive slower. So well Renee and I finally left in my car to go find something to eat. Well at the intersection of 377 and 51, we saw where the car accident was, and I commented on how that had to suck. Well traffic was crazy all through out town. We drove through town by Ikies and down all the way to Grumps and both places were packed. Well my friend Megan called and said her and her sister were fixing to eat at Montanas, so we ended up eating there. And we saw a bunch of people from school there.

Well after that it just felt like an atmosphere of crazniess. Renee and I drove to Ft. Worth, and went to Best Buy, and I looked at some tvs and laptops. And we found some cds. I bought the new Avril cd, an old school Everclear cd and an imported old Avril cd with a dvd. All the time we were on the road, there was a lot of traffic, and I came so close from rearending a bunch of cars, because they were driving like jackasses. On our way back, we drove by Renee's dad on his way home from work. Before going home we stopped by wal-mart so I could drop off a camera for one hour. Then after that we went home on 51/56, well to my mom's house that is lol. We came back and hung out, we probably got back around 5. Renee had to be home by 7:30, so we left my house around 6:30, so I could drop Renee back off at my dad's to get her car. Before we left I changed into my swim shorts, simply cause I didn't want to wear my pants anymore. Well it wasn't raining when we left my house. We went back to Granbury on 144, since it would have been quicker. When we got to slims, we could see lightning like way out by Weatherford, but I drive fine in rain so it wasn't any big deal to me if it started to rain. Well it started raining on us after a little after we passed Slims. But it was hard rain, I thought, meh... no big deal. I've driven in worse. What I didn't think about was hey, this is 144 I am not used to this road and its quirks. So well our trip ended at around 6:45 or a little before.

Ok so here we go. So we were almost to the entrance of Rock Harbor and there is a curve there, and coming from Glen Rose, right after the light by the churches, the highway turns into a 4 lane highway (and of course with a turning lane in the middle, so technically its 5 lanes). Well as we got to the light, it started pouring really hard, but I kept driving, and knowing that over the hill the speed limit would change, I didn't really start to slow down till I got to the top of the hill. Well little did I know how weird and sudden this storm was. Being in the right lane, as with as much rain came down, I didn't expect what would happen next. Well since the amount of rain was so quick and sudden, the drain on the road wasn't draining as quickly as needed. And what I couldn't see, or I didn't notice, was that around that drain spreading upwards about 20 yards, and over out into the left lane (but barely, like driving through it wouldn't be much of a problem in the left lane), and maybe 10 yards past the drain, was all water, and it had to of been atleast a foot or more where I ended up hitting it. Well needless to say, I drove straight into the water, and I felt the water grab my car, and I knew what came next wouldn't be all that much fun, I think I mumbled to Renee to hold on. But well we hydroplaned up over the curb, and went over the drain, all in a curve (and normally in a curve you don't go with the curve, you go straight, and if I went straight, it would have been into a retaining wall). Well when we went over the drain, I think my left tires hit the curb, and caused us to come back into the road, and by that time I think we could have stopped atleast in the center lane. Well we were still moving, and it felt like we got hit, and then I was able to get traction in the middle of the road, but I still slid into a truck that was in the far righthand lane (opposite of where I started out). Then I was able to reverse my car and then move it forward into the turning lane, so traffic could still go somewhat properly. Well right afterwards we thought my car had just got grabbed by more water and thats what made the car jerk. Well I made sure Renee was ok, and then I attempted to get out of the car, but my door was jammed, so I had to climb out the window.

Well I was making sure whoever was in the other car was ok and I talked to some guy, and I didn't realize then that he was following his wife in his red truck. And I had actually hit the black truck, which only had his wife in it. I'm pretty sure she was almost stopped by the time I hit her. Well as soon as I got out of my car, I was soaked, so I stayed outside of my car after that. Well it felt like a freaking monsoon, literally, like sheets of rain were coming down, and they stung. Well my car was jacked up. But well I called 911 after I made sure the lady was ok, and they said they'd already sent an officer. Well the van that had been behind us had pulled over at the Rock Harbor entrance, and they actually called 911 before me, and pulled back around and told me so. But well as of when I'm finally posting this (June 28, a month later lol), the police are still investigating that part.

Well they towed my car to Action Wrecker, and I went and took pictures a few days later (after graduation, and project grad. and sleep lol). But 2 weeks later I talked to Bree's dad when they got back from D.C. and he flipped out on me lol. He hates Action Wrecker with a passion, lol. Well he depises them and says they are thieves, and my dad said the same thing later. So well we moved the car up to Durant about a week or so ago.

But BLAH... I'm without a car and without a job and I'm extremely bored. But I'm tired of this post not being posted to the public, because its taken me a month to finish writing it. But now I'm done, and now I'm going to post it. LATERS!!!!!

~~I hate having to have conversations over text messages, they take forever~~
so yeah this is a conversation (kind of) between Miranda and I earlier, and I thought I'd post what was said, because I had alot of important stuff to say, and I'll emphasis on it later.

Miranda: Sorry i haven't called you lately but i just wanted to drop you a note to say HI.
Me: You're a bad liar. You've listened to Lindsey, and thats all good. By the way yes I read the email from her. I don't need any excuses ok. I told you my thoughts and put it out there and apparently got shut down but thats cool. I just needed to put it out there one last time and I got my answer and its for the best. Like you have no clue how good it is.
Miranda: What are you talking about?
Me: You're not very specific
Miranda: On any of that I don't have any idea how good what is?
Me: Having things worked out in my head for the first time in like forever. And if you'd been talking to me you'd know about more specific stuff.
Miranda: Erin i'm so confused now on everything in my life right now.
Me: I wasn't speaking of anything that had to do with you not even a little
Me: What too good to write back. let me make things a little easier for you. we won't be together again. you're too afraid of me lol. seriously
Me: I've got my closure with you now, you gave that to me. I could tell how scared you were and i do know nothing would work out between us. I needed the closure and now i've got it. I wish i could talk to you right now cause it'd be alot easier to explain what i mean
Me: Like I feel happy right now seriously happy. I'm not confused anymore and I'm not lonely. I feel content. I no longer feel compelled to make out with someone.
Me: I have finally gotten closure with you, Katlin, Sara, and Rebecca (I didn't need closure with Shanina). And I can finally move on. I've also finally dealt with some other stuff and put it away. I've gotten my heart back and you have no idea how comforting it is.


Ok and I know Sara will say something about my heart later, and so will everyone else. I have written in the past about not having a heart or that it is cold and hard as a stone, or something like that. And that I couldn't feel any real emotion. And that was very much true at the time, and for the longest time. But with this closure and acceptance of other things I've finally gotten my heart back, or well i can feel again, and it isn't the pain I used to dread so much. I really do feel happy. I've finally had someone teach me how to feel again and taught me to be happy again. And also, I've been dealing with a lot of stuff the last 2 months. I haven't been taking my medicine. And things have been so much more clearer to me, my decisions and my thoughts I can feel now, dammit. And I don't think anyone besides me realizes how wonderful this is, well I know one person besides me. But I am choosing not to bring up that person at the moment, I'm saving that for a later time. But I wanted to share this with ya'll. Really I've felt this way for a few weeks, but I didn't want to say anything about it, cause I was afraid that I would jinx it, ya know. Lol well ok I'm going to go put up some more posters. So I'll talk to ya'll laters.

!!!!Ya'll really should read this and check it out!!!!

Soapbox Alert

Pending Draft Legislation Targeted for Spring 2005
The Draft will Start in June 2005

There is pending legislation in the House and Senate (twin bills: S 89 and HR 163) which will time the program's initiation so the draft can begin at early as Spring 2005 -- just after the 2004 presidential election. The administration is quietly trying to get these bills passed now, while the public's attention is on the elections, so our action on this is needed immediately.

$28 million has been added to the 2004 Selective Service System (SSS) budget to prepare for a military draft that could start as early as June 15, 2005. Selective Service must report to Bush on March 31, 2005 that the system, which has lain dormant for decades, is ready for activation. Please see website: www.sss.gov/perfplan_fy2004.html to view the sss annual performance plan - fiscal year 2004.

The pentagon has quietly begun a public campaign to fill all 10,350 draft board positions and 11,070 appeals board slots nationwide.. Though this is an unpopular election year topic, military experts and influential members of congress are suggesting that if Rumsfeld's prediction of a "long, hard slog" in Iraq and Afghanistan [and a permanent state of war on "terrorism"] proves accurate, the U.S. may have no choice but to draft.

Congress brought twin bills, S. 89 and HR 163 forward this year, http://www.hslda.org/legislation/na...s89/default.asp entitled the Universal National Service Act of 2003, "to provide for the common defense by requiring that all young persons [age 18--26] in the United States, including women, perform a period of military service or a period of civilian service in furtherance of the national defense and homeland security, and for other purposes." These active bills currently sit in the committee on armed services.

Dodging the draft will be more difficult than those from the Vietnam era.

College and Canada will not be options. In December 2001, Canada and the U.S. signed a "smart border declaration," which could be used to keep would-be draft dodgers in. Signed by Canada's minister of foreign affairs, John Manley, and U.S. Homeland Security director, Tom Ridge, the declaration involves a 30-point plan which implements, among other things, a "pre-clearance agreement" of people entering and departing each country. Reforms aimed at making the draft more equitable along gender and class lines also eliminates higher education as a shelter. Underclassmen would only be able to postpone service until the end of their current semester. Seniors would have until the end of the academic year.

Even those voters who currently support US actions abroad may still object to this move, knowing their own children or grandchildren will not have a say about whether to fight. Not that it should make a difference, but this plan, among other things, eliminates higher education as a
shelter and includes women in the draft.

The public has a right to air their opinions about such an important decision.

Please send this on to all the friends, parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and cousins that you know. Let your children know too -- it's their future, and they can be a powerful voice for change!

Please also contact your representatives to ask them why they aren't telling their constituents about these bills -- and contact newspapers and other media outlets to ask them why they're not covering this important story.

Heres the link: Draft

Its from congress.org so this article is legit. Laters

**Feeling Lonely**

The last two weeks have been hell for me. I've just felt so lost, not confused, just lost. But mainly just lonely. I've seemed to kept my pattern of always wanting the unattainable. I can't seem to break it. All I really know is that I am tired of being stuck at home all during the week and then on the weekends, all by myself. Its just so depressing, even when i keep busy. Its driving me crazy. I'm beginning to be unable to handle it. I can't really go into detail with this, cause I don't really understand it all myself, or know how to form my thoughts into words. So well I'm going to go now, laters.

food test.... I found it on some girls blogger.

1. what is your favorite group of food? meats
2. what is your least favorite group of food?
3. what is your favorite type of bread product?
4. what is your favorite kind of pasta product?
5. what is your least favorite type of bread product?
6. what is your least favorite type of pasta product?
7. do you like dairy?
8. what is your least favorite type of dairy product?
9. do you like vegetables?
10. would you rather eat vegetables raw or cooked?
11. what is your favorite kind of vegetable? least favorite?
12. do you like fruit or vegetables more?
13. what is your favorite kind of fruit? least favorite?
14. do you eat meat?
15. what kind/ kinds of meat don't you like?
16. do you eat a lot of sweets or a little?
17. if you could only choose 1 sweet to eat for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?
18. did you ever wonder why there isn't a drink section on the pyramid, with the exception of milk?
19. what does your ideal meal contain?
20. what is the thing you would most hate eating?

MORE!!!
1. what was your favorite day like?
2. what is your worst fear?
3. describe your most embarrasing moment:
4. what is your perfect wedding?
5. favorite sweater?
6. do you have any moles that are sprouting unusually long hair?
7. do you know any other languages? if so what?
8. who is your favorite teacher of all time?
9. least favorite era of music?
10. do you care if people use this on their blogs?

You know I like sharing my blogger with everyone, including the people I actually know. But the more people I know that read this, the more paranoid I get, and the more careful I have to be about what I write. Well I have to be more careful now, cause apparently parents are reading this. Lol how much fun is that. I don't care that they read it, its just that they will use it against me, or against they're own children, who happen to be people i care about dearly. But so yeah, I feel kind of trapped these days, I want to write and write and write. BUT I have to have limitations, how fucked up is that, lol. This is my journal, so I should be able to write what I want, but nothing is as easy as it seems, right? I've been thinking about starting a new blogger, but I never actually get around to it. But well this post really is pointless, but I just felt like posting it. Its just whats on my mind at the moment. Well I'm going to go talk to Gina some more, laters.

**I lack the energy to write, but I shall try**

Life, so much has happened, so much more to happen. Its exhausting sometimes. There have been many times, where I just wish I could lie down, and sleep forever. I get really tired sometimes, like physically. Today is one of those days. I had some of the freshman stay over last night, I don't think I ever had as much energy as them. We went driving around and went to Wendy's, and got some frostys. While we were waiting Taylor Koepke drove up beside us, and she made me get out and come to her window. She asked me why I was hanging out with the freshman, which pissed me off. Taylor is always on my case, about how I dress, about my relaionships, and who I hang out with. I told her it wasn't like I had any other friends to hang out with. Which is true, if she were really my friend, she'd call me up and invite me to hang out with her..... but she doesn't do it. I just wish she'd get off of my case sometimes. But what I told her is true, I didn't have anyone to hang out with. But I don't care, the freshman don't judge me, they let me be me, and they don't question it.

Ok so yeah, I've been talking like 5 different people online, and i'm way too distracted to finish writing. Maybe tomorrow, maybe then, lol, laters.