**Wow**

Its been awhile. But yeah I've been in Las Vegas for the last week, I did good getting here and all that jazz. I'm having a blast. Sara is great, and her family is great. Its going to be hard to leave on thursday. I just wanted to put a short message up here. Mainly to see if this guy reads this. I don't know his name, but Sara and I met him at the Desert Passage shopping area thing. He was really awesome and nice and interesting to talk to, Sara was wearing my blogger sweatshirt, and he noticed and asked about it. Sara wanted to give him her email address cause she thought it'd be cool to keep in touch with him. So if you are him and you think we're interesting too :) then feel free and email me and I'll give you Saras email address. And for everyone else who wants to send any comments about my blogger, feel free and email me too, but out blogger in the subject line. Ok My email is Mad_Dog_53_@hotmail.com or erinsoccer15@hotmail.com.

Ok well we're going to go watch a movie, hope everyone is having a great holiday vacation and all that good stuff, well I'll try and write later, but most likely it won't be until I get back. Ok laters.

**Christmas**

Yay, for christmas... no not really, you already know that I'm not much of a holiday person. This week is going by so slowly, its about to drive me insane. Its only tuesday, and all I want to do, is pack my stuff, hop in the car, and drive off. It sounds so good, but I can't cause I still have 3 more days left of school. Yeah I'm actually in school right now, in my last class, 4th period teachers aide with Mrs. Lowry. All I do is type, and I've about typed everything, so I have nothing to do. Well actually today I don't have the disk to save everything on, cause its in my car, I took the book and disk home so I could type it at home. I have 3 chapters left to type. But anyways... its cold here once again, I hate it when its cold, it was really nice yesterday and right at the end of practice yesterday it got windy and blew in all of this sand from west texas, which basically made everything look really hazy, its was weird, but it wasn't the first time I've seen it happen.

Las Vegas, whoo-hoo. I'm really excited, I have really talked to Sara in a few days, simply because I haven't had time to go to wal-mart to get a phone card. But I did finally get a new card yesterday. So I'm going to call her tonight. I've basically have convinced my mom to let me go. She asked to see a map to see exactly where I showed her. And well its surprised me, she handed me this newspaper article, and she was like well if you're going you need to make sure you have these things, I was like what? It was a list of things to have in your car in case you get stranded, it was pretty cool. I told her that Audrie and her family are going up to Colorado, which they are, and that Audrie would ride with me and I could follow her parents up there, and stay with them there, and then leave the next day and finish my drive to LV. Well I told her the other night, that I was thinking that since colorado was a little out of the way for me on my drive, that I could stay with Bree in Sante Fe. She thought that would be a good idea, but in all truthfulness Bree is coming home this friday, not monday like I told my mom. And when my mom asks what will I do on my way back, I told her I'd meet Audrie on the way back cause we have to be back by the same time for our soccer game. Which is true, but I don't plan on following anyone, simply cause its more complicated. I hate lying to my mom, but this is something I want really bad, and I don't think I could get her to understand it. I'm not really lying to her, except for the details on how I'm getting there.

I really am excited about this trip though, its going to be great, I'll be able to spend ALOT of time with Sara, time we've been wanting for along time. Finally the moment is almost upon us. lol that sentence was weird.

So I'm tired. The last few days have been so exhausting. I didn't get any sleep last night, I didn't get home till 10, then I wrote in my blogger, and went to bed at like 12:00, I had to get up at like 6 this morning so I could be at school early, which I already wrote about, but it sucked. I slept all period in English, in soccer I froze my butt off, and well in accounting well I sat there and stared at my paper most of the class period. And now I'm writing here, does that tell you how bored I am, or well how crazy I'm about to go, I have nothing to do, I'm tired but I'm not supposed to sleep in class.

So wow you know what I just figured out, I was looking on my site meter website, and it shows what website or type of internet connection the person was using when they read my site, theres a few from my dads house and I just noticed alot are from tarleton's website, that means Brian was reading this, I think. Thats craziness and its funny.

I can't believe I'm writing at school. Speaking of which, the bell is going to ring in a few minutes so I better go, I have to make my daily trip to the trainer. Ok so maybe i will write when I get home tonight if I have time, I have alot of homework to catch up on, plus I have to call Sara, and maybe I'll write if I'm not too tired. Ok well I'm going to go, laters.

~~Its been along time since I've actually written~~

I've been pretty busy lately, or well more so tired than anything. We started after school practice in soccer when we got back from thanksgiving. And we've had saturday practices the last two weekends. One day of rest doesn't seem to be enough for me. The last week and a half I haven't gave a shit about anything. We haven't done much since we finished our english dual, college essays. But in accounting, my teacher has decided that we are going to start working in superspeed. We've done 3 chapters in 6 days, and this stuff isn't all that easy to understand. So well I'm really behind in that class again, but this time it isn't my fault, I just don't understand it all, in that short of a time, cause I ask alot of questions before I really understand it. But well I have to be at school at 7:50 tomorrow morning, so I can get some work done, which to me is just a big joke. She always makes me feel like a dumbass, that or she doesn't pay attention to me, cause shes too busy helping the UIL kids. Its really frustrating.

And as for soccer, its been going alot better since Winkleman finally decided teams. But its still frustrating for me, cause I sprained the ligament in my right knee (my main kicking leg) and the tendinitis in my right shoulder has finally gotten unbareble for me. So I'm limited on stuff when we lift weights, and I'm limited on kicking, and it hurts like a mofo when I try to fully kick or pass the ball. But I'm still trying to do everything, and Wink is still wanting me to do stuff, so I do it. And essentially I'm not really getting a whole lot better. I finally kind of blew up about it at practice today. Audrie said she couldn't wait till my knee got better, and I said well its not going to get any fucking better if I keep practicing on it. That was when Wink was subing me out during scrimmage with the jv girls. And I was just kind of standing and there, and Wink was like what was that about. And I was like well my knee is still really bothering me, cause every time I kick is still hurts and it doesn't seem to be getting any better, its just frustrating me. I've been going to the trainer 3 times a day for the last 2 1/2 weeks, and I keep twisting it when I practice, even though I try so hard not to do anything that will cause it to hurt. Its driving me crazy, especially my shoulder, cause it pops all day long, no matter what I'm doing, it pops. Its incredibly annoying not to mention that it hurts. Oh and I can't forget to mention my back problems, I've been needing to go to the chiropractor (yes I know I spelt that wrong, but I'm tired and I don't care) for a long time now, but I can't go till like january sometime. The muscles around my spinal cord are all inflamed, and hurts like a mofo. My mom and go up and down my back, and it will pop like a million times, almost literally. From my head to my hips, its hurts, I'm so sick of it. Wow I must sound like a big baby huh? Well I'm not, I've been having alot of these problems for awhile now, I just haven't had time to write about them.

Ok so well I would write more, but I have to go to bed, I'm about to pass out. I'm exhausted, its almost midnight now. So I will try and write tomorrow if I can. Laters.

**Dammit I Can't Sleep**

Is it because I've had too much caffeine, is it because I slept too late today, is it because my mind is still constantly thinking? I think its the last one, well thats what it generally always is. I can't stop thinking, and its like 1:20 in the freaking morning. I've been trying to write all weekend, but I haven't been able to specify on something to write. So I've just found random stuff to do.

So saturday I found out that Brian's girlfriend, Cara, well actually did read my blogger How much of it, I'm not quite sure. Lol I wonder what she thought about it all, actually I really do want to know what she thinks of it all, or what she thinks of how much of it she read. Brian said she said there was some interesting/cool stuff on it, or something like that. He said she explained to him how to start one. And that makes me curious, cause one day when I signed on, on the side of the page it always lists the last 10 blog entries, and one day I saw one that said Cara's blog. So I checked it out, and it only had one entry on it so far, and it was basically just saying how she was new at the whole blog thing, i wish I had kept the address to it, cause I wonder if it actually was Cara who wrote that blogger, I wonder if she actually made her own blog after I told her about mine. That would be so cool.

~~This is a letter I wrote to Miranda's sort of girlfriend. Tell me to I seem like a bitch or anything like that, or seem rude like I'm intruding on their relationship?~~


Hey April, I hope you remember me. Erin, you met me at Miranda's that one day. I just wanted to email you and just well, express my feelings. Being on the outside of things, I see alot of things other people don't. Ok so here it goes. Yeah Miranda is my ex, but shes also my best friend, and it kills me to know when shes upset. I broke her heart, and its been hard for her to get close to anyone since. You are the first person shes gotten close to since me, and I think that says alot. Theres something special about you that she can't help but resist. Shes drawn to you. She took a chance with you, she took a risk, she put her heart out there with the chance of getting hurt again. And well she did get hurt, and just to be honest it doesn't help that you messing with her head.

Ok so I know I don't really know you, but you'd be surprised how much I do know about you. So you and Miranda were officially together 5 days, and you got back together with your ex-boyfriend of 3 years, 3 years today right? She told me what he and his mom were saying to you, the whole thing where you were going to hell. Let me ask you something, if someone really loves you, they are going to love you no matter what (meaning if your gay, have something physically wrong, etc.), right? So if Wes really cared about you, he wouldn't care who you hang out with, or if your gay, or any of that. From what I know about Wes, he seems like a complete asshole. And yeah, I do think that you got back together with him cause they were pressuring you, so you got back with him so they'd get off your back. And also I think, you're just used to him, I mean you've been with him for 3 years, your used to the way he treats you, the way everything with the relationship works, so its easier to keep going with the rhythm of it all. You know, love isn't easy, its has its ups and downs, but in the end, everything ends up being ok. You're settling on the easy path right now, but I don't think its necessarily the right path.

Ok and this part comes in. You are always saying how much you think of Miranda and miss her, and miss the little things she does, or her cute nose. And you say when Wes and you cuddle it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel near as good with Miranda. You're always thinking of her, you can't wait to see her, how ya'll two feel head over heels for each other, how you can't stand not to kiss her, etc. You should ask yourself why you seem to care more about her than Wes.

Ok so the gay thing. You've never felt this way about a girl right? You're scared right? Hell who wouldn't be scared. Liking someone of the same sex is not how we were brought up, so society looks down on it cause its not the normal thing to do. I say fuck them all, love is love, no matter who its with, no matter the gender, race, age, or any of that. Its ok to be scared, but don't hide how you really feel. See I'm one person that believes that a person is cheating even if its by having a gf and bf at the same time, still cheating, still with two people at the same time. So the whole thing with you being with Wes and still kind of being with Miranda, it well bothers me. And well I think you should take a chance with Miranda, take a risk. Quotes:

"I have not ceased being fearful, but I have ceased to let fear control me. I have accepted fear as a part of life--specifically the fear of change, the fear of the unknown; and I have gone ahead despite the pounding in my heart that says: turn back, turn back, you'll die if you venture too far."--Erica Jong

"What's terrible is to pretend that the second-rate is first-rate. To pretend that you don't need love when you do; or you like your work when you know quite well you're capable of better."--Doris Lessing

"Take risks ... be willing to put your mind and your spirit, your time and your energy, your stomach and your emotions on the line. To search for a safe place, to search for an end to a rainbow, is to search for a place that you will hate once you find it. The best nourishment for any soul is to create your own risks."--Jim Lehrer

And my favorite:
"To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach for another is to risk involvement.
To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To believe is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
They may avoid suffering an d sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.
Chained by their attitudes they are slaves; they have forfeited their freedom.
Only a person who risks is free."--Anonymous Chicago teacher

Ok so my main point, you've been with Wes off and on for 3 years, you just met Miranda not too long ago. You seem to really like her alot, especially if you can't stop thinking about her and all that, oh yeah and still kiss her and all that when you have a boyfriend. Miranda is someone new, ya'lls relationship is new, your liking someone of the same sex is new. New things may be scary sometimes, but once you but that fear aside, you'll find great things. I believe people's fears are mearly mental. Like a road block, you can either choose to stop at it and go no further, or you can choose to go around it and discover the unknown. One thing you have to do, is just be comfortable with yourself, quit worrying about what other people will think, like you parents, Wes or his mom, your friends or what society thinks. Do what makes you happiest. And if Wes really loves you like he supposedly says, then he'll still be there waiting for you if things don't work out with you and Miranda.

Ok so please will you try and make up your mind on what you want, and quit playing with Miranda, shes confused as hell and well its hurting her too. I think things could work out great with you and Miranda, if you actually have it more than 5 days. Give the relationship a chance, take a risk, be true to yourself, do what makes you happiest. You'd be surprised what great things can come from the most surprising places.

Ok so I'm done. I hope you don't think I'm a complete pyscho. And I apologize if you feel I'm butting in to your life. I'm just trying to be a good friend, not just to Miranda, but to you as well. I am not an enemy. I hope I've helped in some degree, rather than making things worse. And the last thing I have to say is, be true to yourself.

Laters,
Erin Jones

BTW, everyone calls me counselor, you can call me that too if you want, lol, cause obviously you now know why they call me that.