MYSPACE:

Subject: Dear Happiness
Posted Date: Sunday, October 30, 2005 - 6:19 PM

Dear Happiness, this song is for you.

Sincerely,

Erin

MICHELLE BRANCH:
"Where Are You Now?"

Maybe I'd be better on my own
No one ever seems to understand me
It's easier for me to be alone
But there's still a piece of me that feels so empty
I've been all over the world
I've seen a million different places
But through the crowds and all the faces
I'm still out there looking for you.

[Chorus:]
Where are you now?
I'm trying to get by with never knowing at all
What is the chance of finding you out there?
Or do I have to wait forever?

I write about the things I'll never know
And I can't find a moment just to slow down
It makes me think I'll never have the chance
To figure out what it's all about
So tell me what it's all about.

[Chorus]

Where are you now?
I'm trying to get by with never ever knowing at all
And I still don't know
Where are you now?
I'm trying to get by with never ever knowing at all
What is the chance of finding you out there?
Or do I have to wait
Or do I have to wait
Or do I have to wait forever?

MYSPACE:

Subject: pimpin' ain't EASY
Posted Date: Wednesday, October 26, 2005 - 7:03 PM

So my best friend Sara always tells me that I'm a pimp, and of course I always deny it and tell her that shes silly.  But now I have so many people telling me that, its ridiculous.  Seriously I mention this now cause last night one of my soccer girls, Deborah, was telling me this cause she saw my comments and such on here, on myspace.  Meh... I'm not a pimp, if I were a pimp I'd have a dating life or actually hang out with more of these people offline. 

BUT..... what do ya'll think? Am I a pimp? And ya have to tell me why you think so.

Yay for my poofy ass hair, this is the way it looks when all of my hair gel has been rubbed out.

My little man Draco, lllllooooovvvvveeeesssss his Teddy!!! Its so fucking cute.

And my 1st little man Orion, he's hot stuff!!!

Those are the only men in my life, and I adore the hell out of them!! They're the best cuddle buddies ever.

If I loved myself, would I feel the way I do now??

MYSPACE:

Subject: i've become....
Posted Date: Saturday, October 22, 2005 - 6:37 PM

I've become tired and weary.  This time and place is exhausting me.  I just want to hop on the next flight out of here and fly far far away, off to never neverland perhaps. I'm not sure what this post is about really, i just wrote what came to mind. I am very tired of being here, I wouldn't mind getting away for awhile. But thats impossible with school and soccer, even though i haven't been going to either lately. Hell last week I barely made it out of bed much less my apartment. I've been oh so emo lately, and had my average 6 month relapse.  Ever since I cut my hair things have been different, better. Suppose its cause i've been getting more attention, compared to none.

Did any of you know that i write poetry? Anyone actually read any of it? I was just thinking that i haven't written a poem in a few weeks. 

Damn I'm in a very big cuddling mood right now. But my fav. person to cuddle with I never see anymore and rarely get to talk to her (but that factor is getting better). And the other person is hardly ever sober when we do cuddle. I've discovered the last few times i've had a date, which is like very very rare, that the girls end up using me. And I fucking hate it.  I am not here to be your your personal makeout buddy for a few hours or a one night stand.  Argghhh.... dammit I hate girls sometimes.  But I still fucking love them.  Is it that much to ask for you not to use me? 

Anyways, i need a cute girl in my life.  Someone to come home to at the end of a day, to see them and feel my heart flutter a little. 

Today before the walk for farm animals thingy.

What?!? Its not that bad is it?

This morning after i took a shower and before I fixed my hair. It looks pretty good down.

When this girl smiles she makes my heart melt.

So ok thats all for now, this has been a semi-random post.  I'm ready for my life to really start, anyone want to help me make a new beginning? Ok i'm gone, laters.

Comments:

Jennifer Phillips: I like all your new pictures.. The second one down though would have to be my favorite...totally fucking cute. :) anyways... i read your poetry when you write any or better yet when you actually post it. And i agree keep your head up a great girl will come along when you least expect it. gimme a call sometime. later Jennifer

Alicia: Keep your head up.. The right girl will come along when you least expect it... The world is full of a lot of different women thats for sure and for some reason the good ones that deserve the best always end up with the bad girls or end up getting used... It really sucks!! And I totally feel ya on this blog!!! Just keep your chin up and Like I always say "Keep smiling because you never know who might be admiring you" BTW I really dig your hair when its down(or should i say after you get out of the shower)...

Sara B: you are adorable. I love spending time with you. I think I drolled on your coutch. You will find who you are looking for I am sure. I am glad my smile melts your heart. Though my noes could take someone out..its not ALWAYS that big..heh. I love you babe! sara

MYSPACE:

Subject: my new hair cut
Posted Date: Thursday, October 20, 2005 - 10:18 PM

So I got my hair cut today, I freaking love it, finally gave in to figuring out how to post pics in here, so here ya go, feel free to comment.  I love comments. And I love my hair, alot.

I'm such a picture whore!!!

Commments:

Michelle Sensory: Yeah!!!! YOU ARE A DAMN CAMERA WHORE!!!! heheh j.k
ahha soo one thing about those little faces are i get overly excited when i get to add as many as i want. hehhe...but the hair doooeesss loookk good. member we should get you to ppoke the gurls on the other team. it'll be oober fun! yea whooo hoooooo...btw, greeen is my favorite color. lol have a goooodddd day.

Sara B:I adore your hair. Way to be diffrent! I would have never expected this out of you darling! shockign..but cool for sure! I have new photos too
<3 sara

Snook: Erin, Love your hair cut... it reminds me of someone elses.... MINE!!! That's cool I know that you want to be me. =)

Holly: It's awesome!!! I LOVE IT!!!

Jennifer Phillips:AH!! Erin you are crazy! I love it. It's hella cute :)~AWESOME

MYSPACE:

Subject: in the car
Posted Date: Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 10:28 PM

So I heard this song in the car today when i was going to get food, it struck a familiar chord in my heart.

UNCLE KRACKER:
"In A Little While"

Here's to the good life or so they say
All those parties and games that all those people play
They tell me this is the place to be
All these beautiful people and nothin' to see

Sometimes I feel like something is gone here
Something is wrong here, I don't belong here
Sometimes I feel like a stranger in town
And I've lost what I found, it'll all turn around

[CHORUS]

In a little while I'll be thinkin' about you
In a little while I'll still be here without you
You never gave me a reason to doubt you
In a little while I'll be thinkin' about you baby...I'll be thinkin' about you baby

On the other side of a coin
There's a face there's a memory somewhere that I can't erase
And there's a place that I find someday
But sometimes I feel like it's slippin' away

Sometimes I feel like something is gone here
Something is wrong here, I don't belong here
Sometimes I feel like a stranger in town
And I've lost what I found, it'll all turn around

[REPEAT CHORUS]

Some things are lost some left behind
Some things are better left for someone else to find
Maybe in time I can finally see
I just wonder, wonder if you think about me

Sometimes I feel like something is gone here
Something is wrong here, I don't belong here
Sometimes I feel like a stranger in town
And I've lost what I found, it'll all turn around

MYSPACE:

Subject: just thinking
Posted Date: Monday, October 17, 2005 - 10:26 PM

Yes, yes I do think people. Haha just playing. But no I need to hang out with people.  Some people outside my normal circle.  Anyone up for it???

I love girls they're great. Even though they drive me bonkers sometimes.

MYSPACE:

Subject: i mean, really
Posted Date: Thursday, October 13, 2005 - 12:11 PM

I keep fucking shit up.  Damn me and the way that I am.  I'm really pissed at myself at the moment.

MYSPACE:

Subject: speed
Posted Date: Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 6:12 PM
No I'm not on speed, but kinda wish I was.  I spent 5 hours last night doing homework, I barely got 2 outlines done.  And today I was in the library at school from 9:30 a.m. till 4:00, and I barely got a cover page and an abstract done for my research paper.  Its due tomorrow.  And I still have to study for a test in the same class.  This shit is kicking my ass. I'm so tired of having to take energy pills and and drinking energy drinks just to make it to school in the morning and to stay awake atleast a little in my classes.  Fucking sleep aponea, it makes my life hell.  All the energy pills are so unhealthy for me, and it doesn't help that I keep getting heat exhaustion really bad every game, and most practices (throwing up is not fun might I add).  I feel like I have a fucking eating disorder cause not only am I taking diet pills (energy pills, whatever) but I hardly have time to eat or I don't remember to eat, but half the time when I do eat I get so dehydrated I throw up my meal.  I really am just tired right now, I don't feel good at all.  But can't go to sleep cause i have to finish my damn paper and study.  Oh yeah, and maybe get a little sleep, since i have a game and all tomorrow too.  I'm nervous about it, not about the game, but that I'm going to not have any energy and that i'm going to get sick again.  My health has been going downhill quickly the last few weeks.  But anyways, I felt the need to share.  Now i'm off to sit at my dining room table and stare off into space for awhile, cause i have to functioning brain cells left.  Call my cell if ya need me.  Laters.

If homosexuality is a desease, lets all call in queer to work. Hello..can't work today...still queer

I read this quote today "Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about," Perhaps thats why i haven't given up on her, cause it seems no matter what shes in my head. But she doesn't know that, in fact, she probably never will.

You ran away so fast, I couldn't catch up.

MYSPACE:

Subject: what do you believe?
Posted Date: Friday, October 07, 2005 - 8:30 PM

So my question is what do you believe. I believe that if you want some so whole-heartedly that it can and will happen at some point.  I've had a lot of very coincidental occurances lately.  Everyday I drive to and from school and if i go hang out with someone, I drive down the same road. I kept wondering out Jay and Oneil were doing, cause i hadn't hung out with them since I quit Lonestar Park.  Then one day i stopped and McDonald's and there they are eating inside, so I parked and went inside to see them. 

Lets see, half way through 5th grade until now, thats what, 9 years.  My best friend Stephan moved, the person that was supposed to give me his new address never did, so I lost contact with him completely. All these years I've thought about him, wondered where he ended up and all that.  Now being the internet whore that I am, I'd looked him up on yahoo and hotmail, he didn't have anything on those.  Then for some reason I got to thinking about him today, and decided to look him up on here, on myspace.  And what do I find, his profile.  So I IMed him, and we talked tonight.  I can't explain how good of a mood that i'm in.  I honestly never thought I'd see or speak to him again.  But in my heart there was that hope, and it finally happened.  Its a very cool feeling. 

So what do ya think? I think that if you're patient and keep hope, that eventually some sort of opportunity will arise, and then all you'll have to do is choose to sieze it or not. 

Random post, but i'm in a good mood, I really still am shocked that I found him by such a small chance.  Now my theory is confirmed, everyone really is on myspace.  Its addictive.  Thats all for now, laters.

Susan:

Patience really is a virtue. I think that hoping for something "real" is an act most people don't understand. These rare few that actually find something worth waiting and wishing for, well, these are the fortunate ones. And by "real" I mean those chance oppurtunites or dreams that tend to be the most simplistic. Not fame or fortune, these superficial hopes are selfish and unworthy. I believe that wanting something so badly that you are willing to wait and keep faith, they are the times that we really should live for. The time between the wish and the reality is when we truly learn that things are worth the long lived anticipation and we actually appreciate and see what we have been given. Seizing the moment is what it's all about.

MYSPACE:

Subject: song in my heart
Posted Date: Thursday, October 06, 2005 - 11:56 PM

this song has several different meanings to me.  but only I have that knowledge.  I hear it in my ears and in my heart, bringing back memories.

JEWEL:
"You Were Meant For Me"

I hear the clock, it's six a.m.
I feel so far from where I've been
I got my eggs and my pancakes too
I got my maple syrup, everything but you.
I break the yolks, make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
I wipe the spots off the mirror
Don't leave the keys in the door
Never put wet towels on the floor anymore' cause
Dreams last for so long
even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.
I called my momma, she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk
So I picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken or people being used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
I saw a movie it just wasn't the same
'Cause it was happy and I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad 'cause
Dreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.
I go about my business, I'm doin fine
Besides what would I say if I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken, everyday.
I brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
I pick a book up. Turn the sheets down.
Take a deep breath and a good look around
Put on my pjs and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause
Dreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon I know you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you

Yeah.... You were meant for me and I was meant for you.

MYSPACE:

Subject: lacking
Posted Date: Thursday, October 06, 2005 - 3:19 PM
I feel like i'm lacking some in this little life of mine. Can you tell me what it is??

MYSPACE:

Subject: who are you?
Posted Date: Tuesday, October 04, 2005 - 8:38 AM
So I really don't know half the people on my buddy list, it sorta bothers me in a way. Although I must admit, I do check everyone pages, especially when they add new pics and I even keep checking the ones that I know never update a damn thing. I'm addicted I suppose.  But seriously those of you who are on my list..... who are you? why'd ya add me? do I know you and how? Just curious.  Laters.

Jessica:That is an interesting blog.  Who am I?  I am Jessica Bertke.  You met me at buddies II but it turns out I was living with people you went to school with.  I added you because you are my friend and your hot.  Anything else I missed? 

Sara:

I am Sara only the coolest girl ever. We met when out friends ditched us at the block party last year. Then we became really good friends!

Well I added you becuase I thought you were cute. (at first) .. just bein honest lol

Alicia: I am Alicia. I met you at buddies one night and you were sick we chatted for a bit and I gave you a hard time about remembering my name(because we have chatted a few times before that)... But finally you got the hang of it lol... I added you because I thought you had a cute smile 

Snook: Erin, You just need to accept that you are an internet whore... just like me.  I hope that you know who I am.  I'm glad that I know you ...

Jodie: You better know who I am.....Besides, you added me, so i'm sure you remember where we met! Anyways, judging from all the comments before mine, you are quite the player!! Haha Erin's a pimp!!! Good for you! I'm so proud!