To whoever left me this comment:
"I have thought of making someones Blog into a movie,think urs would be a good canidate? imagine going in to a theatre and watchin the trailers and saying to urself hey this looks rediculously familar to me ? wouldnt that be wicked Erin ?Keep them posts comin Shorty C'mon Reach for the Stars!!! Peace to you"
I very much so think my blogger would make an inresting movie, I know i've written that somewhere on here before. People who've read this before have also mentioned that they think it'd be a good idea as well. So if you ever do make it into a movie, please by all means let me know. By the way, i'm curious as to who left me that comment. And I see you've read the whole thing, by the reach for the stars comment. Very cool. Anyways this is all for now.
Oh and as a side note, I have a link on my myspace to here and my other bloggers. But have no link for my myspace on here, so here it is: MYSPACE
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
MYSPACE:
Subject: knowledge is power
Posted Date: Wednesday, November 30, 2005 - 6:11 PM
Comments:
Lesie: It's good that you know what you want to do in life. I have a college degree and it's basically worthless because I have no idea what I want to do. I vote for West Palm Beach, Florida. It's by the beach who could ask for better!
Sara B: When you run away you have to take me with you. I thought we already went over this. I know what you mean when you say you want to get away and that you want to travel. I agree with both. But I am sticking with my roots and traveling. I donno..leaving for good is way to much for me to deal with right now. You seem like you are pulling away. I miss you and our adventures
Subject: knowledge is power
Posted Date: Wednesday, November 30, 2005 - 6:11 PM
Well I don't know about power, but its good to have. So I'm not sure if all of ya'll know for sure. But a couple of weeks ago, I withdrew from school for the rest of the year. Yay for me. Well also I withdrew from the first trimester as well, cause I wasn't finishing any of my classes, so rather than getting several F's, the classes won't be on my record at all. Good thing. I keep getting lectures from people how generally when people stop they never go back. My mom brought that up on the phone the other day, I snapped at her. Told her thats not who I am to just quit, I didn't want to start in the first place this year, but I did, I tried and look where I am now. Whenever people give me this speech, it pisses me off. Do you people have no faith in me whatsoever?????? I don't think anyone knows me and what I want out of life. I told my mom that those people that don't go back, don't know what they want out of life, and I do. She was left speechless for several minutes seriously. I do know what I want out of life, and I can't just quit school and not go back. I know how to get where I want to be and I have to finish school to do that. I don't plan on putting it off and screwing around for the rest of my life. Its not who I am. Have some faith in me, trust that I am an adult and know what I'm doing. Don't doubt me, don't doubt who I am. I strictly wanted to take time off to get myself together, my life. I've said this to many people, most don't know what I mean. I've been on the verge of breaking down completely, they don't know this. I wish I could just say, look do you really want me to end up killing myself cause i'm so depressed or would you like me to take some time for myself and get better??? Thats what it comes down to. BUT I can't say that to my mother or peers from school cause they don't know me, or that part of my life because i've kept it hidden for so long.
Sure i'm doing ok now, I can say that. Erin is good. But what about a few weeks from now, a few months, or years. Where will I be, how will I be. I hope mentally stable. Thats my real goal you see, is to be happy and to really put my past behind me. In this moment, these last few weeks, since i've withdrawn from school, i have been happy. A burden was lifted off my shoulders, I could breathe. Finally. In that moment, it was solely my decision, no one elses. No one could change my mind, its what I wanted and needed to happen. It was the best thing for me to do. It really was.
So what am I to do now. I mentioned it before, about moving away when my lease is up in March, and never tell anyone where I'm going. Some people claimed that I better tell them where so they could visit, I wish that were true. Some said I better take them with me, so we could run away together, I wish that were true too. Hell who knows maybe they do speak the truth. Realisticly though, I could move away and not tell anyone where, they'd never know, when they call or write, just claim i'm working and can't do anything. Wouldn't be a lie really, cause thats all i really do. But seriously, orginally before i started college, I wanted to go to Northwood's campus in Midland, Michigan. I've been bouncing back and forth alot lately about transferring campuses when i start back in the fall. But also I've been thinking alot about going to their campus in West Palm Beach, Florida as well. Can't make up my mind, if i go to florida I might continue to play soccer, its NAIA there so i think I could get on their team, it'd be easier there, compared to a NCAA school. But who knows, thats months from now.
I've been wanting to go to Europe for months now, I've been thinking about trying to go soon, maybe something I could do after i move out of my apartment, I don't really feel like staying around here. I need away, i'm already out of my hometown (did that my junior year of high school), but I need away from Dallas, this area, from Texas. Afterall, there is nothing keeping me here. And thats kind of a sad factor in everything. I think alot about that. Makes me wish sometimes I had someone that made me want to stay around. But then I remember its who I am though, all my life i've wanted to get away, to travel, its my passion my ultimate goal in life. I want to see the world, different cultures, different areas, different lands, things completely new to me. Learn things i've never known. I look out into the unknown and try to grasp it, but all I can do is chase after it and try to discover it. Keep following the horizon that keeps getting farther and farther away the more you follow it. Its a never-ending process you see, you can never stop learning, never stop living in the moment. Thats life, or atleast my definition of it. Ask me what I want to be when I grow up, and I'll tell you I don't care as long as I get to travel.
I know where I want to be, do you?
When you look out into the distance, what do you see?
"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reasons for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity."--Edmund Burke
"I have learned by some experience, by many examples, and by the writings of countless others before me, also occupied in the search, that certain environments, certain modes of life, certain rules of conduct are more conducive to inner and outer harmony than others. There are, in fact, certain roads that one may follow. Simplification of life is one of them."--Ann Morrow Lindbergh
"For the truth is that I already know as much about my fate as I need to know. The day will come when I will die. So the only matter of consequence before me is what I will do with my allotted time. I can remain on shore, paralyzed with fear, or I can raise my sails and dip and soar in the breeze."--Richard Bode
"You must accept that you might fail; then, if you do your best and still don't win, at least you can be satisfied that you've tried. If you don't accept failure as a possibility, you don't set high goals, and you don't branch out, you don't try--you don't take the risk."--Rosalynn Carter
And now, i'm off to go to watch Anton sing at the Hideaway. Have a goodnight ya'll, feel free to comment, they make my day when I get them, I look forward to them. Adios.
Comments:
Lesie: It's good that you know what you want to do in life. I have a college degree and it's basically worthless because I have no idea what I want to do. I vote for West Palm Beach, Florida. It's by the beach who could ask for better!
Sara B: When you run away you have to take me with you. I thought we already went over this. I know what you mean when you say you want to get away and that you want to travel. I agree with both. But I am sticking with my roots and traveling. I donno..leaving for good is way to much for me to deal with right now. You seem like you are pulling away. I miss you and our adventures
MYSPACE:
Subject: knowledge is power
Posted Date: Wednesday, November 30, 2005 - 6:11 PM
Subject: knowledge is power
Posted Date: Wednesday, November 30, 2005 - 6:11 PM
Well I don't know about power, but its good to have. So I'm not sure if all of ya'll know for sure. But a couple of weeks ago, I withdrew from school for the rest of the year. Yay for me. Well also I withdrew from the first trimester as well, cause I wasn't finishing any of my classes, so rather than getting several F's, the classes won't be on my record at all. Good thing. I keep getting lectures from people how generally when people stop they never go back. My mom brought that up on the phone the other day, I snapped at her. Told her thats not who I am to just quit, I didn't want to start in the first place this year, but I did, I tried and look where I am now. Whenever people give me this speech, it pisses me off. Do you people have no faith in me whatsoever?????? I don't think anyone knows me and what I want out of life. I told my mom that those people that don't go back, don't know what they want out of life, and I do. She was left speechless for several minutes seriously. I do know what I want out of life, and I can't just quit school and not go back. I know how to get where I want to be and I have to finish school to do that. I don't plan on putting it off and screwing around for the rest of my life. Its not who I am. Have some faith in me, trust that I am an adult and know what I'm doing. Don't doubt me, don't doubt who I am. I strictly wanted to take time off to get myself together, my life. I've said this to many people, most don't know what I mean. I've been on the verge of breaking down completely, they don't know this. I wish I could just say, look do you really want me to end up killing myself cause i'm so depressed or would you like me to take some time for myself and get better??? Thats what it comes down to. BUT I can't say that to my mother or peers from school cause they don't know me, or that part of my life because i've kept it hidden for so long.
Sure i'm doing ok now, I can say that. Erin is good. But what about a few weeks from now, a few months, or years. Where will I be, how will I be. I hope mentally stable. Thats my real goal you see, is to be happy and to really put my past behind me. In this moment, these last few weeks, since i've withdrawn from school, i have been happy. A burden was lifted off my shoulders, I could breathe. Finally. In that moment, it was solely my decision, no one elses. No one could change my mind, its what I wanted and needed to happen. It was the best thing for me to do. It really was.
So what am I to do now. I mentioned it before, about moving away when my lease is up in March, and never tell anyone where I'm going. Some people claimed that I better tell them where so they could visit, I wish that were true. Some said I better take them with me, so we could run away together, I wish that were true too. Hell who knows maybe they do speak the truth. Realisticly though, I could move away and not tell anyone where, they'd never know, when they call or write, just claim i'm working and can't do anything. Wouldn't be a lie really, cause thats all i really do. But seriously, orginally before i started college, I wanted to go to Northwood's campus in Midland, Michigan. I've been bouncing back and forth alot lately about transferring campuses when i start back in the fall. But also I've been thinking alot about going to their campus in West Palm Beach, Florida as well. Can't make up my mind, if i go to florida I might continue to play soccer, its NAIA there so i think I could get on their team, it'd be easier there, compared to a NCAA school. But who knows, thats months from now.
I've been wanting to go to Europe for months now, I've been thinking about trying to go soon, maybe something I could do after i move out of my apartment, I don't really feel like staying around here. I need away, i'm already out of my hometown (did that my junior year of high school), but I need away from Dallas, this area, from Texas. Afterall, there is nothing keeping me here. And thats kind of a sad factor in everything. I think alot about that. Makes me wish sometimes I had someone that made me want to stay around. But then I remember its who I am though, all my life i've wanted to get away, to travel, its my passion my ultimate goal in life. I want to see the world, different cultures, different areas, different lands, things completely new to me. Learn things i've never known. I look out into the unknown and try to grasp it, but all I can do is chase after it and try to discover it. Keep following the horizon that keeps getting farther and farther away the more you follow it. Its a never-ending process you see, you can never stop learning, never stop living in the moment. Thats life, or atleast my definition of it. Ask me what I want to be when I grow up, and I'll tell you I don't care as long as I get to travel.
I know where I want to be, do you?
When you look out into the distance, what do you see?
"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reasons for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity."--Edmund Burke
"I have learned by some experience, by many examples, and by the writings of countless others before me, also occupied in the search, that certain environments, certain modes of life, certain rules of conduct are more conducive to inner and outer harmony than others. There are, in fact, certain roads that one may follow. Simplification of life is one of them."--Ann Morrow Lindbergh
"For the truth is that I already know as much about my fate as I need to know. The day will come when I will die. So the only matter of consequence before me is what I will do with my allotted time. I can remain on shore, paralyzed with fear, or I can raise my sails and dip and soar in the breeze."--Richard Bode
"You must accept that you might fail; then, if you do your best and still don't win, at least you can be satisfied that you've tried. If you don't accept failure as a possibility, you don't set high goals, and you don't branch out, you don't try--you don't take the risk."--Rosalynn Carter
And now, i'm off to go to watch Anton sing at the Hideaway. Have a goodnight ya'll, feel free to comment, they make my day when I get them, I look forward to them. Adios.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
MYSPACE:
Subject: blankblankblank
Posted Date: Thursday, November 24, 2005 - 9:20 PM
Subject: blankblankblank
Posted Date: Thursday, November 24, 2005 - 9:20 PM
So i'm not sure exactly what i'm going to write about.
I went to s4 last night with Sarah (navy Sarah), and we met Joshy and Holly, they're the bestest. And I didn't know Jeremy was going to be there, so i was uber excited to see him, he's a sweetheart. Saw Mallory and Stacie, ran into Robert and several other people. Actually ran into Mario, met him through the soccer people last year, he's straight but cool. I got my face shoved in Holly's boobies several times during the night, very amusing might I add. Kinda sorta danced with Joshy, Sarah and Holly, they're alot of fun. Had a few people check me out, which is always nice. All in all after a 13 hour workday, going out.... was well worth it. I had a good time, I smiled and laughed.
Today I was going to get up at 7:30, but after not getting to bed till 4, it wasn't happening. Reset the clock for an hour later, only to keep hitting the snooze button for another hour after that. Got up and got dress and did my hair. Went to my grandparents house in Weatherford. My granparents and aunt Sharon and uncle Bob, were all very amused by my hair. Oh and might i add, my brothers were as well, they hadn't seen it yet either. Ate there. Went to my dad's and hung out for a bit, ate a little more. Took my step-sis to her friends and hung out for a little while, came back. Talked a little. THEN went to my mom's (remind me to add a story below). Helped her wash the 2 small dogs and clip their nails, and oh wow was that fun, I have scratches all on my arms from my dog Kindle. Sat and talked with her awhile. Headed back home only to get invtied over to Stacies house, so I went and chilled with her, her girlfriend and their friend Nick. It was cool just hanging out. And now I'm here. YAY
Ok so my story. As i was pulling into my mom's driveway I thought to stop and get the mail cause it looked like they hadn't got it out from the day before, and I was going to put some of my mail in there to be sent. As I open the door, theres a melted coke bottle with liquid inside and some paper/foil looking stuff, the whole inside of the mailbox is black or brownish and the grass below the mailbox was burnt. I pick up the bottle and some of the liquid came out and touched some of the paper stuff and started to react and bubble up. So my point being SOMEONE TRIED TO BLOW UP MY MOM'S MAILBOX. I mean seriously WTF, what is wrong with people these days, do they not realize how dangerous that is. Come on, never seen the movie butterfly effect, where they stick the dynamite in the mailbox and it kills the lady and her baby. And especially when it comes to a chemical reaction type of situation, thats a very unpredictable substance. I'm not mad, not sure if mom will report it. But I thought it was fucked up, and sort of amused me at the same time. I really wish it had blown up the mailbox, my mom's ex fiance built the birdhouse thing around it, I think it looks retarded. I'm old-fashioned, I like the typical metal mailbox. But anyways, I do actually know what was used or could be used to make that type of bomb, but choose not to write it, cause i'm sure some psycho or some innocent kid will find it and want to try it.
Oh and another thing I'm uber excited, I have plans for the 11th to hang out with this really cute girl, and shes a soccer girl, which is even better. :)
Thats all for now, have to be at work at 7:30 a.m. sharp. I hate early mornings, but oddly i'm getting used to them, and getting even more used to going to sleep early in the evening, like an old person. Ok goodnight ya'll, hope ya'lls thanksgiving was awesome. Mine surprisingly went really well. Laters.
And my step-mom Jan took this picture of my hair today:
Monday, November 21, 2005
MYSPACE:
Subject: thinking
Posted Date: Monday, November 21, 2005 - 5:19 AM
random thought, while getting ready for work. I don't remember when i ate last, its atleast been a day 1/2, and even then it was only soup and earlier in the day a PB&J sandwich. And really both are all i've really ate the last few weeks. I can tell the difference. I like it.
Oh and i keep dreaming about freaking christmas trees, damn my job. lol seriously i have been dreaming of them. Its messed up. And speaking of which, I have a ton of tiny cuts all on my arms from working with the trees and stringing all the lights and stuff. My arms look goofy, but I like it. Lets me know i've been working hard.
Alright, I have to go, I have to go to work. Adios.
Update: so i only ate half a PB&J yesterday. I ran some errands today, went and got my hair trimmed and went to the bank. THEN went to whataburger and got their new peppercorn whatachicken sandwich. It was pretty good. But since i haven't ate the last 2 days, it really upset my stomach, but its all good now though. just wanted to update and let ya'll know I finally ate lol. I'm so weird about eating, either i'm eating all damn day or hardly at all. But when i'm exhausted, I choose sleep over food. So I work all day come home and put on my pjs and go to sleep. The way I see it, work my ass off now, making good money (cause if i take a lunch break i don't get paid), and come december 5th i'll have 3 weeks off until after christmas when we start back up to do takedowns. Anyways, I have to go to work now. Laters.
Subject: thinking
Posted Date: Monday, November 21, 2005 - 5:19 AM
random thought, while getting ready for work. I don't remember when i ate last, its atleast been a day 1/2, and even then it was only soup and earlier in the day a PB&J sandwich. And really both are all i've really ate the last few weeks. I can tell the difference. I like it.
Oh and i keep dreaming about freaking christmas trees, damn my job. lol seriously i have been dreaming of them. Its messed up. And speaking of which, I have a ton of tiny cuts all on my arms from working with the trees and stringing all the lights and stuff. My arms look goofy, but I like it. Lets me know i've been working hard.
Alright, I have to go, I have to go to work. Adios.
Update: so i only ate half a PB&J yesterday. I ran some errands today, went and got my hair trimmed and went to the bank. THEN went to whataburger and got their new peppercorn whatachicken sandwich. It was pretty good. But since i haven't ate the last 2 days, it really upset my stomach, but its all good now though. just wanted to update and let ya'll know I finally ate lol. I'm so weird about eating, either i'm eating all damn day or hardly at all. But when i'm exhausted, I choose sleep over food. So I work all day come home and put on my pjs and go to sleep. The way I see it, work my ass off now, making good money (cause if i take a lunch break i don't get paid), and come december 5th i'll have 3 weeks off until after christmas when we start back up to do takedowns. Anyways, I have to go to work now. Laters.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
MYSPACE:
Subject: I'm ok, are you ok?
Posted Date: Thursday, November 17, 2005 - 6:17 AM
Yeah i'm doing ok, how are ya'll? Work is keeping me busy and tired. But the people i'm around make it all worth it. Thats all i really have to say for now. Is that i'm doing good, and i'm serious about that. Anyways, i'm off to work, laters.
Subject: I'm ok, are you ok?
Posted Date: Thursday, November 17, 2005 - 6:17 AM
Yeah i'm doing ok, how are ya'll? Work is keeping me busy and tired. But the people i'm around make it all worth it. Thats all i really have to say for now. Is that i'm doing good, and i'm serious about that. Anyways, i'm off to work, laters.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
MYSPACE:
Subject: argggh.......
Posted Date: Tuesday, November 15, 2005 - 10:52 PM
So I was completely out asleep, and I get woken up about 20 minutes ago, after midnight might i add. My neighbors above me were having a huge fight. So rather than just laying there hoping they'd stop, I got up. Now i'm reminded again that i'm starving, have nothing in my apt. to eat besides soup (which is all i've really been eating lately) and that I'm too lazy to go get something to eat (which I don't have the money to buy anything anyways). I'm so frustrated right now, cause i have to get up early for work again. This job really is taking alot out of me, but its ok i guess, but i don't get paid till next friday and no money from here to there really sucks. But anyways, thats really all I wanted to say. I'm going to go figure out something to do so i can eat. I really want to make these lemon poppyseed muffins that i jacked from my mom's house the other day, but i don't have all the ingredients and that requires going to the store. Alrighty, I'm off to figure something out. ADIOS.
Oh yeah its really fucking cold outside...... for once.
Comments:
Leslie: Icky. It needs to be warm again. It's too cold for me. Well, I would like a day or two of it so I can wear cute clothes, but then we need to go back to warm weather.
Tamara: funny shaist coz that's all i have in my dorm.. soup n ravioli lol..i had some last night with a peanut butter n jelly sandwich. yummy..don't ya love college grub? NOT. i'm broke until hmm..tuesday which is the day i leave home but oh well guess i'm gonna have to stay put for 6 days. *pouts* oh well.. i'm late to class. catch ya later gator. =0)
Subject: argggh.......
Posted Date: Tuesday, November 15, 2005 - 10:52 PM
So I was completely out asleep, and I get woken up about 20 minutes ago, after midnight might i add. My neighbors above me were having a huge fight. So rather than just laying there hoping they'd stop, I got up. Now i'm reminded again that i'm starving, have nothing in my apt. to eat besides soup (which is all i've really been eating lately) and that I'm too lazy to go get something to eat (which I don't have the money to buy anything anyways). I'm so frustrated right now, cause i have to get up early for work again. This job really is taking alot out of me, but its ok i guess, but i don't get paid till next friday and no money from here to there really sucks. But anyways, thats really all I wanted to say. I'm going to go figure out something to do so i can eat. I really want to make these lemon poppyseed muffins that i jacked from my mom's house the other day, but i don't have all the ingredients and that requires going to the store. Alrighty, I'm off to figure something out. ADIOS.
Oh yeah its really fucking cold outside...... for once.
Comments:
Leslie: Icky. It needs to be warm again. It's too cold for me. Well, I would like a day or two of it so I can wear cute clothes, but then we need to go back to warm weather.
Tamara: funny shaist coz that's all i have in my dorm.. soup n ravioli lol..i had some last night with a peanut butter n jelly sandwich. yummy..don't ya love college grub? NOT. i'm broke until hmm..tuesday which is the day i leave home but oh well guess i'm gonna have to stay put for 6 days. *pouts* oh well.. i'm late to class. catch ya later gator. =0)
Sunday, November 13, 2005
MYSPACE:
Subject: wonderful.
Posted Date: Sunday, November 13, 2005 - 3:37 AM
I just accidentally came across this song, I think its wonderful.
Edwin McCain:
3 a.m.
It’s 3:00 a.m.
I’m awake and my heart is still dreaming
It’s 3:00 a.m.
Outside I hear the souls still screaming
It’s been so long you know since my head’s been this clear
Just like a ship lost in the night
I just don’t know which way I should steer
But I’ll keep chasing my dreams
And only you can make them real
I pour my heart out every night
But do you know the way that I feel
Sometimes this is work
And don’t you know sometimes this is play
Sometimes you are listening to me
And sometimes you don’t hear a damn word that I say
Sometimes there’s a girl
Sometimes I go home alone
And I guess it’s no wonder right now
That I do very well on my own
But I’ll keep chasing my dreams
And only you can make them real
I pour my heart out every night
But do you know the way that I feel
And I will play just as long as you will listen
Now I’m in no big hurry to get back on the road
Sometimes in this lifestyle
I feel like there’s so much that I’m missing
Well I’m missing you
It’s just that I’m ... so far from home
It’s 3:00 a.m.
I’m awake and my heart is still dreaming
It’s 3:00 a.m.
Outside I hear the souls still screaming
OMG i just now figured out how to change those smiley mood icon thingies. lol i'm slow what can i say. Well I'm still being productive, off I go again, yay
Subject: wonderful.
Posted Date: Sunday, November 13, 2005 - 3:37 AM
I just accidentally came across this song, I think its wonderful.
Edwin McCain:
3 a.m.
It’s 3:00 a.m.
I’m awake and my heart is still dreaming
It’s 3:00 a.m.
Outside I hear the souls still screaming
It’s been so long you know since my head’s been this clear
Just like a ship lost in the night
I just don’t know which way I should steer
But I’ll keep chasing my dreams
And only you can make them real
I pour my heart out every night
But do you know the way that I feel
Sometimes this is work
And don’t you know sometimes this is play
Sometimes you are listening to me
And sometimes you don’t hear a damn word that I say
Sometimes there’s a girl
Sometimes I go home alone
And I guess it’s no wonder right now
That I do very well on my own
But I’ll keep chasing my dreams
And only you can make them real
I pour my heart out every night
But do you know the way that I feel
And I will play just as long as you will listen
Now I’m in no big hurry to get back on the road
Sometimes in this lifestyle
I feel like there’s so much that I’m missing
Well I’m missing you
It’s just that I’m ... so far from home
It’s 3:00 a.m.
I’m awake and my heart is still dreaming
It’s 3:00 a.m.
Outside I hear the souls still screaming
OMG i just now figured out how to change those smiley mood icon thingies. lol i'm slow what can i say. Well I'm still being productive, off I go again, yay
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Subject just in case.
Posted Date: Saturday, November 12, 2005 - 4:11 PM
Posted Date: Saturday, November 12, 2005 - 4:11 PM
Just in case you're wondering, i pretty much just deleted all of my blogs. No, not gone forever just transferred sites. You see I have a blogger (the only site i actually consider a post a blog) which is the place I actually write in, my journal. So to keep everything neat and organized and up to par with my OCD I transferred all the posts from here to there, that way my journal is up to date. Oh and there are some posts on there that weren't ever on here in the first place. Theres information in there from about oh, February 2003 to now. Its called Quietly Listening To My Heart.
Alrighty and while i was at it, I went ahead and transferred all my old journal entries that I had on bolt.com (badass site BTW) and added it to another blogger of mine cause it would have messed up the beginning of my original blogger. It info from about May 2001 until about May 2003. Its called Desperately Seeking Truth.
Haha but i have written for a few years now and have written alot. If you do read those, be prepared, i'm sure you'll find out alot of stuff that you never knew before or wouldn't expect from me. And that one is called Answers to Questions.
And on another note, while i was at it i renovated my other blogger that is for my poetry. I haven't added alot of my new stuff, well put it this way I haven't added anything new since March 15, 2004. But i'll be working on getting it updated.
And links are below this :) So yepyep, thats it, just wanted to let ya'll know. Adios for now.
Quietly Listening To My Heart.
I'm not really sure whats going on in my life right now, i'm just kind of going on a day by day basis. I'm at my mom's house right now, and man do i love it. i could lie in my room forever, if you saw it, you'd understand. I need to actually write, or well transfer my posts from myspace over to this one. That way whoever doesn't read that one can catch up. Haha as if anyone reads this anymore. Its all good though. I'm not sure what i'm writing about. I just can't sleep. meh.... alright i'm going to go and try to find something constructive to do for awhile. In other words, go randomly searching throughout the house for random stuff, its alot of fun cause you never know what you'll find. Alrighty, laters.
Alrighty, so i just transferred all my posts from myspace onto here, so if you see the top of the post say MYSPACE: thats what it is. Enjoy.
Alrighty, so i just transferred all my posts from myspace onto here, so if you see the top of the post say MYSPACE: thats what it is. Enjoy.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
MYSPACE:
Subject: running back to you
Posted Date: Wednesday, November 09, 2005 - 12:32 AM
SWEET!!!!! I just found my chapstick, YAY!!!!! It was in my sweatshirt. I'm excited.
Comments:
Sara B: And on that note..I really love you. <3<3<3
Taylor Jade: Well, I'm only 16, but I do know what you are talking about. I've been having touble with life. I don't seem to understand why Im always the one getting hurt in the end. I don't think there is much for me to say to help you because, I am less-experienced to life. But all I do know is that, there is that one special person out there, and that life will fall back into place someday
Pinner: everything will fall into place. it's amazing when it happens!
Amber: Dude, I totally feel ur pain but promise it gets better and at least now you have time to think and find work and really u gotta love u before others can and im not there yet either but im workin on it. havent been able to chill w ya much bcuz of wk and school but i do like seeing updated photos and blogs, things can only go up from here!
Mayra: Hey Erin, I just want to say I totally empathize with you when it comes to classes and feeling like you are "wasting your mother's money". As I was reading I saw my own situation last year. I think it's a great idea that you are planning on take time off, sometimes that's what we need to come back stronger and better. *hugs*
That thing with the girl at the block party sounds a bit... odd heh. Too fast, yeah. How do you meet girls at those kinda events anyways haha, I think you might have to share some of your secrets with me. This post of yours reminded me why I was able to relate to yah way back when we met. I still remember what you did for me when I needed someone, I don't think I'll ever forget. I wish I saw or talked more to yah. If you do end up gonig away somewhere, try Massachusetts, high quality girls live there... if you find one there, maybe I could meet some of her friends.. haha
*sends you all her positive feelings*
~Mayra
Tori: wow that was the longest blog i have ever read. reading that kinda made me depressed.lol well im glad ur week is getting better, if u lived near hear i would make ur week ALOT better!! lol ttyl bye babe ~tori
Sara B: NOO!! im running away with her.
Leslie: Oh lord! Hee hee, you feeling lucky to develop something with a girl. A girl is the last thing you need right now! Haven't you learned by now that girls cause problems and unwanted stress! And they cost money. They take up time. They are moody. Yes, yes they are a problem. But.... we love them and we hate them, but we couldn't live without them. I've never had an alcoholic energy drink? Any good? I think that a lot of the thoughts you are having about not knowing what to do with your life or where it is going and what not happens to a lot of people our age. I know that has been crossing my mind a lot lately especially with the fact that I graduated and now I can't find a job. It's kinda weird. But I think we will figure it out soon enough. Don't stress out too much. Oh and if you run away somewhere cool please tell me so I can visit! Are we allowed to give suggestions? I suggest Hawaii please or some exotic beach place. That's where I want you to move to. And then me come visit. Ok me run away too.
Steph: Happy to hear that the week is slowly getting better for you! That was random but aren't most things at about 4am anyway? lol Draco is cute. Sweetie you are still very young, things will start to fall into place & you'll find more & more what you want as well as where you wanna be! Just try not to think so much and see what happens. Things can get really fucking frustrating but you gotta let it roll off yer back and go with it. I know it sucks but that's life. Life sucks but it always gets better somehow with a little time. :o) yer a kewl kat tiny!
Subject: running back to you
Posted Date: Wednesday, November 09, 2005 - 12:32 AM
My thoughts always keep running back to you.
So i've been sitting here thinking for quite awhile. Haven't been able to think of a decent post since my last. I can't decide what I want to do with my life right now. I mean, I know what I am doing, but what do i want. I'm withdrawing from school for the rest of the year, i'm going to work and hopefully get myself together. And if i'm really lucky find a great girl to be with or develope something with one whose already in my life. I want to be happy I really do, but all the time and not just in a few moments here and there. My lease on my apartment is up in march, i haven't decided if i'm going or staying. And if I go, where to? If i go, i'm going in secret, I won't tell anyone where, not even my family. I need to get away by myself. But who knows, only time can tell. We'll know when the moment comes around.
I know i'm not going to school the rest of the year, but i think i've just given up on all my current classes, well I only had one left that I could survive in. I have a persuasive speech do. BUT I have no outline to go by, no speech, no topic. I don't know what I'd do it over. I was told I can make it up on thursday, but I have nothing, not even an idea. Anyone want to write me a speech??? But yeah I could pass the class with that, but i've given up on my classes, i no long have any sort of will or motivation to go. The only thing that makes me mad, is that i've wasted my mother's money. But my response to it all, I never wanted to start this year anyways, BUT I decided I would try, and look where I am now..... exactly where I predicted I would be in the first place.
So I met this girl at the block party, and we had a date last monday. It went well, but i'm not sure what to think of it, shes cool, not really the type i normally go for. But shes gotten really attached already, and i haven't even done anything, like I mean the night we met, we hung out for maybe 5 minutes, and supposedly she couldn't stop talking about me the rest of the night (she told me herself). It kind of freaks me out. And we we're talking about how i've been hurt and such, and she told me shes in for the long hall. That kind of bothered me too. I mean its just that i've been hurt by alot of people lately. And I really just don't want to jump into anything like that (the typical me), I want to well I just want to hang out with good people. I don't really even want to date right now, thats how weird i feel right now. I wish I could say its a case of someone holds my heart and I'm just waiting. Which was the case, but now i'm just afraid of putting my heart out there and watching it get crushed. There are 2 people out there that could have me back at the snap of their fingers, but i know one doesn't want me and the other i don't think wants to committ. And there is one person out there that probably could have me, but nothing has developed in that area yet, but one day I can see it happening, I really could.
But for now, I am me and I just got home from work maybe 30 minutes ago, and I'm drinking a beer (well alcholic energy drink, they're fucking awesome) while writing this. Hmm... what do I know right now? I know I wish my mom would tell me she loves me and is proud of me, I don't think i've ever heard her say it. I know I want to spend time with my brothers. I know my dad cares but can't do much to show it. I know i'm lonely as fuck and I hate going to bed by myself. I know i have a lot of built up anger and frustration with no place to vent it. I know i'm scared of myself sometimes. I know people care but they themselves are scared of me, or they aren't a good enough of a friend to come to me but have to call and talk to someone who is a good enough friend to me. Oh, I have one I don't know, why is it that people pretend they care but want me to come to them to talk and they can never come to me. I mean really is it too much of an effort to come to my apartment for once. I know that I love my animals but I fear I will hurt them one day from taking my anger out on them and I fear they hate me and want to run away at any given chance. Wow a long post, well sort of.
I just thought of something, I remember a night where I woke up to my answer machine going off at 3:30 in the morning. I check the message and about that time i here something outside and open my door and something amazing is standing there. I wish that could happen again.
Damn I love this drink that I'm drinking.
Wish I could find my burt's bees chapstick that i just bought the other day. :(
I think i'm going to get up early and go home to my mom's. Can't decide exactly what I'm going to do there, I think i'll go early do somethings and go sit at the dock at my brothers house by the lake. Should I take the dog like normal though? Nah.. I don't think I will, I don't feel like hassling with him. Even though I know he'd love to play with my dogs back home. Plus I have Draco and Orion both baths today, and I don't feel like Draco getting all smelly again.
I think this is the most random post i've ever had. Meh.. oh well I don't care. Anyways..... i can't decide what I want to do with life right now. But for now, I'm sure i've wasted enough of ya'lls time. So i'm going to go and drink some more and pass out, well not really cause i don't have enough alcohol. But I shall go for now. Hope ya'll are having a great week, cause mine has been getting a little better everyday, yay. Ok Ok ADIOS!!!!!
SWEET!!!!! I just found my chapstick, YAY!!!!! It was in my sweatshirt. I'm excited.
Comments:
Sara B: And on that note..I really love you. <3<3<3
Taylor Jade: Well, I'm only 16, but I do know what you are talking about. I've been having touble with life. I don't seem to understand why Im always the one getting hurt in the end. I don't think there is much for me to say to help you because, I am less-experienced to life. But all I do know is that, there is that one special person out there, and that life will fall back into place someday
Pinner: everything will fall into place. it's amazing when it happens!
Amber: Dude, I totally feel ur pain but promise it gets better and at least now you have time to think and find work and really u gotta love u before others can and im not there yet either but im workin on it. havent been able to chill w ya much bcuz of wk and school but i do like seeing updated photos and blogs, things can only go up from here!
Mayra: Hey Erin, I just want to say I totally empathize with you when it comes to classes and feeling like you are "wasting your mother's money". As I was reading I saw my own situation last year. I think it's a great idea that you are planning on take time off, sometimes that's what we need to come back stronger and better. *hugs*
That thing with the girl at the block party sounds a bit... odd heh. Too fast, yeah. How do you meet girls at those kinda events anyways haha, I think you might have to share some of your secrets with me. This post of yours reminded me why I was able to relate to yah way back when we met. I still remember what you did for me when I needed someone, I don't think I'll ever forget. I wish I saw or talked more to yah. If you do end up gonig away somewhere, try Massachusetts, high quality girls live there... if you find one there, maybe I could meet some of her friends.. haha
*sends you all her positive feelings*
~Mayra
Tori: wow that was the longest blog i have ever read. reading that kinda made me depressed.lol well im glad ur week is getting better, if u lived near hear i would make ur week ALOT better!! lol ttyl bye babe ~tori
Sara B: NOO!! im running away with her.
Leslie: Oh lord! Hee hee, you feeling lucky to develop something with a girl. A girl is the last thing you need right now! Haven't you learned by now that girls cause problems and unwanted stress! And they cost money. They take up time. They are moody. Yes, yes they are a problem. But.... we love them and we hate them, but we couldn't live without them. I've never had an alcoholic energy drink? Any good? I think that a lot of the thoughts you are having about not knowing what to do with your life or where it is going and what not happens to a lot of people our age. I know that has been crossing my mind a lot lately especially with the fact that I graduated and now I can't find a job. It's kinda weird. But I think we will figure it out soon enough. Don't stress out too much. Oh and if you run away somewhere cool please tell me so I can visit! Are we allowed to give suggestions? I suggest Hawaii please or some exotic beach place. That's where I want you to move to. And then me come visit. Ok me run away too.
Steph: Happy to hear that the week is slowly getting better for you! That was random but aren't most things at about 4am anyway? lol Draco is cute. Sweetie you are still very young, things will start to fall into place & you'll find more & more what you want as well as where you wanna be! Just try not to think so much and see what happens. Things can get really fucking frustrating but you gotta let it roll off yer back and go with it. I know it sucks but that's life. Life sucks but it always gets better somehow with a little time. :o) yer a kewl kat tiny!
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
MYSPACE:
Subject: fuckfuckfuck
Posted Date: Tuesday, November 01, 2005 - 7:04 PM
To those who are curious. the main pic of my wrist was done sunday. the next one (on the left) of my leg, was from back in the spring sometime, during my last relapse. and the last pic (on the right) is of my arm from 2 weeks ago. Meh... people seem to care enough to write and call other friends to see if i'm ok or if they've spoken to me. i was told that people are scared of me. go figure. nah... i understand, they don't know what to say and are afraid if they say the wrong thing it'll make things worse. perhaps someday i'll understand myself. but for now i just do what i feel. not sure what else to say. feel free to write or leave a message, adios.
Comments:
Git R' Done: Its not worth ending ur life, for anyone!!! You need to stop living for other people and start living for yourself... Don't let anyone dictate how your going to live your life, only you can make that choice! Its about moving on, being happy, and living life the way you want to live it! Live, Love, Laugh!
Kris: I LOVE YOU!!!! Thank you for being open and honest, most people wouldn't.... you are a strong person you just need to find it... i'm here with open arms and an open heart for you... i hope you know that you can lean on me whenever you need to...
Leslie: Hmmmmm..... I am really not scared of you. I hate to say it, buuuuuut I am not. If you ever need to talk you know I am here. And you know how to get ahold of me. I won't tell you not to do something. I will just listen. If you need an ear, I'll lend you mine. But ummmm.... please give it back when you are done. I would look pretty funny with just one ear.
Becky: erin that makes me sad!!! that breaks my heart, i hate to see that, if you ever need talk.....instead of taking that sharp object to your body, give me a call and i will lisen, no matter weather its 545 in the mornin. I can't say i go throug the same things but i could probley give you some good advise.
Jodie Sullivan: Erin Jones!!!!! Don't make me drive up there... Seriously sweetie, please don't do that. Nothing and I mean NOTHING is worth that ( trust me I know). If you ever need anything let me know.. Even if it is just to talk. You're in my thoughts and prayers babe! Jodie
Martin: oh sweetie, don't do that...i use to do that and u learn that no one is worth that. anyone who makes u feel bad isn't worth cutting yourself over. it does no good.
Tiffany: Erin! what the hell are you doin! thats is crazy! u need to talk to me cause i dont like you doin that!! you got it!! take it easy please! love ya tiff
Jessica: You are loved. People who make you feel this way aren't usually worth feeling any way about in the first place. Put yourself first, I know its hard. But know YOU ARE LOVED.
Amie: we need to talk
Sara B: IM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS. Erin dont be fucking stupid and do that shit. You fucking know better. God..just be my wife already I swear I would never hurt you! heh. I love you best friend!! Sara
Kris: Erin I love you!!!! if you ever need me for what ever reason call me... IM me and i'll give you my number baby.... I'm sorry for ev1 that has ever fucked with you... baby your in my heart and I consider you one of my friends... you call me... i love you... hey i'm have a get to gether you should come... I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU
Subject: fuckfuckfuck
Posted Date: Tuesday, November 01, 2005 - 7:04 PM
This is to all you assholes out there that think its fun to fuck with my head. And who don't think about what may result as a consequence of their actions. Fuck you and what you do.
Want an example of one of those results? Well here you go.
Who knows, maybe next time it'll be a little too deep. And never think someone is emotionally stable, cause they're probably the ones that can hide the truth the best. And you'll never know that they might do this....
Point of this post, you might never know how your affecting others, until one day, it'll be too late. Sadly for some, they could disappear forever, and you would never know.
So just a suggestion, be careful in the way that you treat people, you could either save someone's life...... or end it!!
To those who are curious. the main pic of my wrist was done sunday. the next one (on the left) of my leg, was from back in the spring sometime, during my last relapse. and the last pic (on the right) is of my arm from 2 weeks ago. Meh... people seem to care enough to write and call other friends to see if i'm ok or if they've spoken to me. i was told that people are scared of me. go figure. nah... i understand, they don't know what to say and are afraid if they say the wrong thing it'll make things worse. perhaps someday i'll understand myself. but for now i just do what i feel. not sure what else to say. feel free to write or leave a message, adios.
Comments:
Git R' Done: Its not worth ending ur life, for anyone!!! You need to stop living for other people and start living for yourself... Don't let anyone dictate how your going to live your life, only you can make that choice! Its about moving on, being happy, and living life the way you want to live it! Live, Love, Laugh!
Kris: I LOVE YOU!!!! Thank you for being open and honest, most people wouldn't.... you are a strong person you just need to find it... i'm here with open arms and an open heart for you... i hope you know that you can lean on me whenever you need to...
Leslie: Hmmmmm..... I am really not scared of you. I hate to say it, buuuuuut I am not. If you ever need to talk you know I am here. And you know how to get ahold of me. I won't tell you not to do something. I will just listen. If you need an ear, I'll lend you mine. But ummmm.... please give it back when you are done. I would look pretty funny with just one ear.
Becky: erin that makes me sad!!! that breaks my heart, i hate to see that, if you ever need talk.....instead of taking that sharp object to your body, give me a call and i will lisen, no matter weather its 545 in the mornin. I can't say i go throug the same things but i could probley give you some good advise.
Jodie Sullivan: Erin Jones!!!!! Don't make me drive up there... Seriously sweetie, please don't do that. Nothing and I mean NOTHING is worth that ( trust me I know). If you ever need anything let me know.. Even if it is just to talk. You're in my thoughts and prayers babe! Jodie
Martin: oh sweetie, don't do that...i use to do that and u learn that no one is worth that. anyone who makes u feel bad isn't worth cutting yourself over. it does no good.
Tiffany: Erin! what the hell are you doin! thats is crazy! u need to talk to me cause i dont like you doin that!! you got it!! take it easy please! love ya tiff
Jessica: You are loved. People who make you feel this way aren't usually worth feeling any way about in the first place. Put yourself first, I know its hard. But know YOU ARE LOVED.
Amie: we need to talk
Sara B: IM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS. Erin dont be fucking stupid and do that shit. You fucking know better. God..just be my wife already I swear I would never hurt you! heh. I love you best friend!! Sara
Kris: Erin I love you!!!! if you ever need me for what ever reason call me... IM me and i'll give you my number baby.... I'm sorry for ev1 that has ever fucked with you... baby your in my heart and I consider you one of my friends... you call me... i love you... hey i'm have a get to gether you should come... I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU
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