??How do you like it.... extra crispy??
Yeah Miranda and I went out on the lake in G-town after school today. We were out there on the jet-ski for only.... like 4 hours. So yeah 6 hours later I'm just now noticing how burned I really am. It hurts. But I'll live, well except if I get skin cancer and die. Lol j/k. Wow that was pretty morbid.
I went to GR graduation tonight, Miranda went with me. It was the best graduation I've ever been to, I suppose because it was more meaningful to me, I mean I grew up with all of those kids. Its just crazy, but it was cool. I like to show off to Miranda, kind of, cause like everyone says hey to me. I just think its really cool for my old friends to holler at me, it makes me feel special.
I start summer economics in Cleburne on Monday. 1:00-3:30, Monday-Thursday. I'll be working, going to class, and then June 17-21 I'll be at soccer camp at A&M, I need to start running or something, quickly, cause I haven't done anything in awhile. I'm excited about it though. I'm going to try and find another job in Cleburne that pays more or atleast has tips, cause I could really use a car.
Ok and I'm just going to put a little quick note on here, cause all of my friends keep asking me this. I am not back with Miranda nor do I plan on getting back with her. Shes one of my best friends, and I don't see why everyone has to think something just because I hang out with her alot. Seriously I've had like 6 different people ask me that.
Well I don't think there is anything else to write right now, but I need to go cause I have to work tomorrow. And I'm about to die right now, cause I hurt so bad, so I'll talk to you laters.
"The world in general doesn't know what to make of originality; it is startled out of its comfortable habits of thought, and its first reaction is one of anger." --W. Somerset Maugham
Friday, May 30, 2003
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
~~Miss Rebecca~~
I swear sometimes this girl drives me nuts, but then she'll just suddenly surprise me with how amazing she is. I just read that she FINALLY donated her hair, and yes I am curious of how short her hair is, I honestly can't picture her with short hair, its craziness, lol. But I'm proud of her, *claps and does a little dance*. It makes me really happy that she donated her hair. Although I think its a little ironic. When I first started playing soccer with her freshman year, she said she was going to donate her hair, so she influenced me to do it, but I had to grow my hair out to where it was just barely long enough (lol thats why I shaved my head, cause I gave it all). And well she still hadn't donated hers. And I partly feel that I helped influenced her to finally donate her hair. Its all just craziness. I love that girl, she never ceases to amaze me, even though she can be a royal pain in the butt. But then again I'm sure she feels I'm a pain in the butt too. And yes Avril Lavigne KICKS ASS!!
**Soccer**
Today was a very happy but extremely sad day or us in soccer. We had our going away party for Coach Kear. We made him a scrapbook, with a bunch of pictures, and we all wrote him a letter. We made him read the letters out loud, it made him cry as well as everyone else in the room. It was an amazing sight, just to see a side of everyone you never thought you'd see. Kear is truely an amazing man, he has influenced us so much, and not just with soccer but in our everyday lives. He has been our mentor, our best friend, our coach, and also a father figure to us. He is so awesome, the team that will be receiving will be extremely blessed. Its hard to see him go. I love him and I've only known him a year. Oh we had the party at Ashlee's new house, its freaking huge like no other. Seriously her parents closet is the size of my room, bathroom, and my closet put together, its insane. Its like a granbury sized mansion. But yeah we had a blast eating and taking pictures, signing yearbooks, and "touring" the house, yeah it'll be a memory to last forever.
!!Finals!!
Finals are definately a big pain in my ass. I've been severely pissed the last week or so. I have to take 3 of my finals, Chemistry, Psychology and Algebra. I thought I was only going to have to take my algebra final. But nooooo, I was wrong. I have an 84 for the tri in psychology, all I needed was an 85 to be exempt, I thought I was doing great in that class. I thought I was doing good enough to be exempt in chemistry too, but I was wrong. So really its just aggravating, I'm not much of a studier, cause I have really bad short term memory, like to be able to remember stuff for tests I have to study right before the test. But hey atleat for chemistry and pyschology my teachers are allowing me to use a notecard, front and back, on the test. My algebra teacher is just a complete bitch, she won't give extra credit for anything, she won't let us use a notecard, she won't let us correct tests (and let me tell you it would be an extreme help if she let us do that, we all bomb tests), she is just really rude to us whenever we ask questions so yeah shes not much of a help to us, its quite aggravating. I really should be in content mastery for any kind of math that I take, I'm simply just not good at it, its the only subject that is difficult for me, it runs in the family. Math wise with money is simple for me, but not algebra type stuff.
Hmm... Well I should go get some sleep, and I need to start on those notecards, and I need to write the senior players, like I've been planning on doing for the last 4 months or so. So yeah I need to go, laters.
I swear sometimes this girl drives me nuts, but then she'll just suddenly surprise me with how amazing she is. I just read that she FINALLY donated her hair, and yes I am curious of how short her hair is, I honestly can't picture her with short hair, its craziness, lol. But I'm proud of her, *claps and does a little dance*. It makes me really happy that she donated her hair. Although I think its a little ironic. When I first started playing soccer with her freshman year, she said she was going to donate her hair, so she influenced me to do it, but I had to grow my hair out to where it was just barely long enough (lol thats why I shaved my head, cause I gave it all). And well she still hadn't donated hers. And I partly feel that I helped influenced her to finally donate her hair. Its all just craziness. I love that girl, she never ceases to amaze me, even though she can be a royal pain in the butt. But then again I'm sure she feels I'm a pain in the butt too. And yes Avril Lavigne KICKS ASS!!
**Soccer**
Today was a very happy but extremely sad day or us in soccer. We had our going away party for Coach Kear. We made him a scrapbook, with a bunch of pictures, and we all wrote him a letter. We made him read the letters out loud, it made him cry as well as everyone else in the room. It was an amazing sight, just to see a side of everyone you never thought you'd see. Kear is truely an amazing man, he has influenced us so much, and not just with soccer but in our everyday lives. He has been our mentor, our best friend, our coach, and also a father figure to us. He is so awesome, the team that will be receiving will be extremely blessed. Its hard to see him go. I love him and I've only known him a year. Oh we had the party at Ashlee's new house, its freaking huge like no other. Seriously her parents closet is the size of my room, bathroom, and my closet put together, its insane. Its like a granbury sized mansion. But yeah we had a blast eating and taking pictures, signing yearbooks, and "touring" the house, yeah it'll be a memory to last forever.
!!Finals!!
Finals are definately a big pain in my ass. I've been severely pissed the last week or so. I have to take 3 of my finals, Chemistry, Psychology and Algebra. I thought I was only going to have to take my algebra final. But nooooo, I was wrong. I have an 84 for the tri in psychology, all I needed was an 85 to be exempt, I thought I was doing great in that class. I thought I was doing good enough to be exempt in chemistry too, but I was wrong. So really its just aggravating, I'm not much of a studier, cause I have really bad short term memory, like to be able to remember stuff for tests I have to study right before the test. But hey atleat for chemistry and pyschology my teachers are allowing me to use a notecard, front and back, on the test. My algebra teacher is just a complete bitch, she won't give extra credit for anything, she won't let us use a notecard, she won't let us correct tests (and let me tell you it would be an extreme help if she let us do that, we all bomb tests), she is just really rude to us whenever we ask questions so yeah shes not much of a help to us, its quite aggravating. I really should be in content mastery for any kind of math that I take, I'm simply just not good at it, its the only subject that is difficult for me, it runs in the family. Math wise with money is simple for me, but not algebra type stuff.
Hmm... Well I should go get some sleep, and I need to start on those notecards, and I need to write the senior players, like I've been planning on doing for the last 4 months or so. So yeah I need to go, laters.
Sunday, May 25, 2003
Thursday, May 22, 2003
**Shanina**
Well things have seemed to go downhill this week, I haven't quite figure out exactly why yet. But it has to do with Rafael, he cheated on her, but I still feel that she has feelings for him. I can't stand him now, he is always around, like when I want to spend time with her at school, he always comes up. And well he threatens me, cause I know he still wants to be with Nina, and he knows he has more of an advantage to get her back cause he lives a block away from her, hes always around her. Sure I can understand they're really good friends. But I just think theres more to it than that. Its weird cause I thought that our relationship could last for a long time, but now I don't think so. I think we're about to break up. She is so awesome, but everything is just frustrating me right now, I can't handle a relationship right now. I live in Glen Rose, I work in Glen Rose, I will be going to class in Cleburne this summer. I'll hardly have time to go to Granbury to see her, she doesn't have a car to come see me. Its so complicated, you know how those long distance relationships are. Plus she seems to think theres something wrong with me, like I'm not sharing something with her. I've shared everything with her, even my deepest, darkest secrets. Sure I may be a little bit depressed since monday (David's funeral), I told her that, but she doesn't believe me, and also I'm tired from school and I'm stressed from school. I've told her that, but she keeps pushing. I really don't know how much longer this will last. Shes an awesome girl, but I think we'd be better as friends.
Oh yeah someone told her that: I still want to be with Miranda, that I'm going out with her because I thought it'd help me get over Miranda, and that I don't want to be with her anymore. I'm so sick of people talking shit about me. So yeah all of those things aren't true. But I think she believes whoever told her that, cause thats also whats been making things weird between us. So yeah I'm not really sure whats going to happend between us, I really enjoy being around her, just not when Rafael is around.
~~Sara~~
I got an email on saturday, but I didn't get it till tuesday night. It was on my profile on planetout.com (awesome website). So yeah I IMed her, and read her profile at the same time, we talked for about an hour 1/2, we just talked like we were old friends it was really cool. She live in Maui, Hawaii. She is moving to Washington at the end of this summer. Shes 16, brown hair, she has really different eyes, they vary from hazel/gold/green and brown. Shes like 5'4. She played soccer since she was 6, her parents won't let her now, they told her she has to focus on academics. Shes a surfer girl, how badass is that. She draws, pretty good too. She writes poetry, short stories, and lyrics. She plays the flute, guitar, and piano. She sings, she has an amazing voice, I've heard her songs. She is on this website, and they found her and gave her a profile, and there are 3 of her songs on there that she wrote and sung herself. Its amazing. And one of the coolest things that I've found about her, or well really cool about are similar interests, is that she wants to travel the world one day, just like me, and she loves foreign languages. I've learned alot about her with only two conversations. Shes a really sweet, genuine person.
Well thats all for now talk to ya laters.
Well things have seemed to go downhill this week, I haven't quite figure out exactly why yet. But it has to do with Rafael, he cheated on her, but I still feel that she has feelings for him. I can't stand him now, he is always around, like when I want to spend time with her at school, he always comes up. And well he threatens me, cause I know he still wants to be with Nina, and he knows he has more of an advantage to get her back cause he lives a block away from her, hes always around her. Sure I can understand they're really good friends. But I just think theres more to it than that. Its weird cause I thought that our relationship could last for a long time, but now I don't think so. I think we're about to break up. She is so awesome, but everything is just frustrating me right now, I can't handle a relationship right now. I live in Glen Rose, I work in Glen Rose, I will be going to class in Cleburne this summer. I'll hardly have time to go to Granbury to see her, she doesn't have a car to come see me. Its so complicated, you know how those long distance relationships are. Plus she seems to think theres something wrong with me, like I'm not sharing something with her. I've shared everything with her, even my deepest, darkest secrets. Sure I may be a little bit depressed since monday (David's funeral), I told her that, but she doesn't believe me, and also I'm tired from school and I'm stressed from school. I've told her that, but she keeps pushing. I really don't know how much longer this will last. Shes an awesome girl, but I think we'd be better as friends.
Oh yeah someone told her that: I still want to be with Miranda, that I'm going out with her because I thought it'd help me get over Miranda, and that I don't want to be with her anymore. I'm so sick of people talking shit about me. So yeah all of those things aren't true. But I think she believes whoever told her that, cause thats also whats been making things weird between us. So yeah I'm not really sure whats going to happend between us, I really enjoy being around her, just not when Rafael is around.
~~Sara~~
I got an email on saturday, but I didn't get it till tuesday night. It was on my profile on planetout.com (awesome website). So yeah I IMed her, and read her profile at the same time, we talked for about an hour 1/2, we just talked like we were old friends it was really cool. She live in Maui, Hawaii. She is moving to Washington at the end of this summer. Shes 16, brown hair, she has really different eyes, they vary from hazel/gold/green and brown. Shes like 5'4. She played soccer since she was 6, her parents won't let her now, they told her she has to focus on academics. Shes a surfer girl, how badass is that. She draws, pretty good too. She writes poetry, short stories, and lyrics. She plays the flute, guitar, and piano. She sings, she has an amazing voice, I've heard her songs. She is on this website, and they found her and gave her a profile, and there are 3 of her songs on there that she wrote and sung herself. Its amazing. And one of the coolest things that I've found about her, or well really cool about are similar interests, is that she wants to travel the world one day, just like me, and she loves foreign languages. I've learned alot about her with only two conversations. Shes a really sweet, genuine person.
Well thats all for now talk to ya laters.
Tuesday, May 20, 2003
**Inspiration**
I inspired someone recently. Yeah Carly told me today that I inspired her to get an online journal, it was pretty cool. Carly is a really cool girl, I like her. Lol I normally read my horoscopes on bolt.com, I don't like build my life around them, but I still find them interesting, and they generally say something meaninful. Today I found it paritcularly interesting that it told me I needed inspiration. I find it to be extremely true. I give and give and give inspiration, I never run out of it. But it seems lately that my rushing waterfall of inspiration, is now a mear stream. Sure I still get some inspiration, but its just not enough for me. I suppose nothing is ever quite enough for me, I always expect more of everything, and more of people. Perhaps cause I see there is more potential.
~~Rebecca~~
I'm am frustrated, really frustrated. Why do things have to be so complicated? Yeah I just called her, big surprise here, I didn't have anything to say. Maybe I expected more from it, oh well. Yeah I'm frustrated cause things have gone back to the way they were before last summer. I miss being close friends with her, but things have just changed between us. I suppose there are things about each other that drives us nuts, but somehow I feel we're on a equal level on that though. I think ultimately we both knew a realtionship between us wouldn't have worked out, I think she realized it more than me. But I'm glad she gave it a go anyways, I don't regret anything. Rebecca is an amazing woman. I just really hope that someday she can get everything sorted out in her life, cause until then I don't think she'll be entirely happy.
!!School!!
Wow school is almost over, thank god. My grades have just been going to crap, I haven't been able to do anything lately. I've been pretty distracted, I mean mentally not like emotionally (in other words its has nothing to do with Shanina). I don't quite understand it all, but I never really understand my body. But yeah I've been trying really hard lately to pay attention, I've been awake during all important times in my classes for the last 3 weeks. Which is awesome for me. So yeah I really want to be exempt from my classes. I know I won't from algebra, cause I have too many absences. But yeah it would be really important to me to be exempt. But if I'm not, oh well I'll live, it would just give me some extra time to do things.
~*Shanina*~
Things between us are going really well. Saturday night we went to the Coffee Grinder to get some ice cream, she didn't really eat any, then we went back to Glen Rose, and rented a movie then we went back to my house to watch it. After it was over I had to take her home, little did I know I was going to be staying the night. I ended up going inside and we were just talking for a long time. And before her mom went to bed she said I could stay the night. Well we kept talking for awhile, and I ended up being too tired to drive, so I just crashed at her house. I didn't get home till 12:50 on sunday, it was crazy. It was cool, it was a purely innocent night. So yeah I've been in a bad mood since yesterday, its kind of freaking her out, she thought I didn't want to be with her anymore, and she showed it today, she wouldn't even kiss me today. But I don't want to break up with her, shes wonderful. I think the funeral I went to yesterday threw me off a bit. So yeah everything is great between us right now.
~~Miranda~~
I think I pissed her off, cause I've finally let her read my blogger. And she read that I called her a pyscho. Which I won't deny, but I call everyone that at some point or another, where its joking around or being serious. She was being a psycho for a bit, I felt like she was stalking me, cause she wouldn't stop calling me, etc. But that was a while ago, I feel that everything is cool between us. Except that now, since shes read my blogger its just reminded her of everything, and now shes depressed again. Sure she may have messed up, but I don't care anymore, everyone messes up, even me. And yes I did just say that I, me, Erin Jones, does scew up!! Things are ok now, trust me. I don't hold anything against her, she is who she is, and she can't help doing what she wants to. Sure what she has done does piss me off (and if she does it again then things will truely be over between us), and yeah by me being a bitch, its only cause I care about her. And I feel that I am the only person that sees her true potential. She tells me all the stuff she has planned for the future, I can only hope that she will stick to those plans, cause seriously they are great plans and she can go far with them, if only she'll stick to it. I love Miranda, shes one of my best friends, I don't want to lose her over some stupid bullshit like weed, etc.
Well I think I've coverd everything for now, so I'm going to go to bed, laters.
I inspired someone recently. Yeah Carly told me today that I inspired her to get an online journal, it was pretty cool. Carly is a really cool girl, I like her. Lol I normally read my horoscopes on bolt.com, I don't like build my life around them, but I still find them interesting, and they generally say something meaninful. Today I found it paritcularly interesting that it told me I needed inspiration. I find it to be extremely true. I give and give and give inspiration, I never run out of it. But it seems lately that my rushing waterfall of inspiration, is now a mear stream. Sure I still get some inspiration, but its just not enough for me. I suppose nothing is ever quite enough for me, I always expect more of everything, and more of people. Perhaps cause I see there is more potential.
~~Rebecca~~
I'm am frustrated, really frustrated. Why do things have to be so complicated? Yeah I just called her, big surprise here, I didn't have anything to say. Maybe I expected more from it, oh well. Yeah I'm frustrated cause things have gone back to the way they were before last summer. I miss being close friends with her, but things have just changed between us. I suppose there are things about each other that drives us nuts, but somehow I feel we're on a equal level on that though. I think ultimately we both knew a realtionship between us wouldn't have worked out, I think she realized it more than me. But I'm glad she gave it a go anyways, I don't regret anything. Rebecca is an amazing woman. I just really hope that someday she can get everything sorted out in her life, cause until then I don't think she'll be entirely happy.
!!School!!
Wow school is almost over, thank god. My grades have just been going to crap, I haven't been able to do anything lately. I've been pretty distracted, I mean mentally not like emotionally (in other words its has nothing to do with Shanina). I don't quite understand it all, but I never really understand my body. But yeah I've been trying really hard lately to pay attention, I've been awake during all important times in my classes for the last 3 weeks. Which is awesome for me. So yeah I really want to be exempt from my classes. I know I won't from algebra, cause I have too many absences. But yeah it would be really important to me to be exempt. But if I'm not, oh well I'll live, it would just give me some extra time to do things.
~*Shanina*~
Things between us are going really well. Saturday night we went to the Coffee Grinder to get some ice cream, she didn't really eat any, then we went back to Glen Rose, and rented a movie then we went back to my house to watch it. After it was over I had to take her home, little did I know I was going to be staying the night. I ended up going inside and we were just talking for a long time. And before her mom went to bed she said I could stay the night. Well we kept talking for awhile, and I ended up being too tired to drive, so I just crashed at her house. I didn't get home till 12:50 on sunday, it was crazy. It was cool, it was a purely innocent night. So yeah I've been in a bad mood since yesterday, its kind of freaking her out, she thought I didn't want to be with her anymore, and she showed it today, she wouldn't even kiss me today. But I don't want to break up with her, shes wonderful. I think the funeral I went to yesterday threw me off a bit. So yeah everything is great between us right now.
~~Miranda~~
I think I pissed her off, cause I've finally let her read my blogger. And she read that I called her a pyscho. Which I won't deny, but I call everyone that at some point or another, where its joking around or being serious. She was being a psycho for a bit, I felt like she was stalking me, cause she wouldn't stop calling me, etc. But that was a while ago, I feel that everything is cool between us. Except that now, since shes read my blogger its just reminded her of everything, and now shes depressed again. Sure she may have messed up, but I don't care anymore, everyone messes up, even me. And yes I did just say that I, me, Erin Jones, does scew up!! Things are ok now, trust me. I don't hold anything against her, she is who she is, and she can't help doing what she wants to. Sure what she has done does piss me off (and if she does it again then things will truely be over between us), and yeah by me being a bitch, its only cause I care about her. And I feel that I am the only person that sees her true potential. She tells me all the stuff she has planned for the future, I can only hope that she will stick to those plans, cause seriously they are great plans and she can go far with them, if only she'll stick to it. I love Miranda, shes one of my best friends, I don't want to lose her over some stupid bullshit like weed, etc.
Well I think I've coverd everything for now, so I'm going to go to bed, laters.
Wednesday, May 14, 2003
??Hmm... What to Say, What to Say??
Wow life has been crazy for me lately. I want to write about it all, but I don't think I can put all of it into words. I guess I just make a little list. Here it goes.
**Shanina**
Ah.. my wonderful girlfriend. We've been together since the 6th. Well we seriously started talking on April 21st, we've been writing letters to each other constantly everyday, she even got me hooked on writing notes during class (we have chemistry and algebra together this tri). I spent the entire night with her at relay for life (April 25th), I didn't leave till 5:45 in the morning, we had a perfect kiss. She walked me to my car, we had a long hug, and then she asked for a kiss so I gave it to her, that night was really wonderful. We got to know alot about each other, and I'm talking about each other's deep dark secrets. It was awesome, well saturday night was prom. I talk to her then. OMG when I first saw her, it blew my mind, she looked so beautiful, she reminded me of Billie Holiday. It was great. I danced with two people, Russel (in my chemistry class) and Shanina. It was really cool, no one said anything negative. Everyone I know, even people I don't know, support us, and I've become friends with alot of her friends its really cool. Well yeah at first I was having problems with the idea of dating her, cause she was dating Rafael. I stricly believe in dating only one person, completely. Well on April 30th, after she got home from church, Rafael went over there. He told her that he cheated on her, twice, with her best friend. How lame is that? So yeah I convinced her to break up with him, she was in shock for like two days. So yeah we got even closer then, cause I was there for her, I call her at night, and talk to her for a little bit. I meet with her before classes, we actually kiss each other bye when we have to go to class. Its awesome, she makes me so comfortable with pda, well we make sure not to do anything with teachers around.
She is really ticklish, its so cute, it cracks her up when I do my "eyebrow dance" and when I move my ears. I actually got in trouble on monday by our chemistry teacher, and it still freaks me out. Cause I "giggle" alot in there, its my favorite class, but I don't feel I'm interupting people. The other people in my class always laugh at the top of their lungs and talk while shes teaching, I don't do that, I just don't understand. Our teacher doesn't have a 5th period (we have her 4th), well she goes Erin I need you to stay her for a second. She held me in her classroom, with just me and her. She goes is there something I need to know about, I gave her a question look, and she said about all that giggling in the back. I was like do you mean at the beginning of class, she said no the entire class period for the last few days. I was like no, she said well it needs to stop, now. What I meant by at the beginning of class, there is this guy in our class who takes a piece of paper out of his folder and goes to the bathroom, hes gone for like 15 minutes. We have proof, and I've seen it myself, he has like hard core anime porn, its crazy. I don't make fun of him it just surprises me. But this girl Katy started freaking out, and I was laughing at her, simply cause she was overreacting. But thats not what my teacher was referring to. Well today at the beginning of class right after Shanina and I got in there, she started writing some one up. Well I was like if shes writing me up, thats ridiculous, cause well it would be, I'm different than anyone else in my class, but I was also like well I don't think she is, but if she is oh well. So yeah what I've determined is that she found out that I am gay and that I am with Shanina now, and she is very prejudice. Now let me explain, we don't do anything during class, all we do is talk, nothing that would distract other people. So yeah, she freaks me out, and I kind of dread going to that class now, but its my favorite class, so it makes me feel kind of bummed.
Well I love Shanina and she loves me. I love our relationship, is simple. And I love simplicity. Shes given me alot of things in such a short time. Well I finally got to experience what it meant to "talk" before going out with someone. I finally know what its like to have the simplicity of not having to worry about the physical stuff. I don't know its just different, its wonderful. I still can't believe she liked me for 4 1/2 months before she actually told me. All of her friends when I first got to know them, they were like finally, she always talks about you, constantly. And at that Shanina would start blushing, its so cute. Well Shanina has renewed my passion for Japanese, I write stuff to her in it, and she writes stuff to me in German. I've started studying, I love it. She should knows she really special, cause it takes alot about someone to get me to go to church. Actually she didn't ask me to go, I knew she went, so I asked her what time it started, so I just showed up. Tonight was my 3rd time to go. Its really cool, cause the first time in my life I feel comfortable at church, its crazy. So yeah needless to say I'm really happy right now.
~~Miranda~~
She puzzles me sometimes, and sometimes she makes me really want to knock the shit out of her, but when it comes to that shes lucky that I have a very strong will power. Well yeah were together for 5 months and a week. She had lied to me several times about smoking pot and cigarettes, and dipping. Someone told me she was going crack, but I don't believe that. I found out from Amanda, what all Miranda had done, and I'm glad she told me, cause I deserved to know. Well I put up with it for awhile and just asked her to quit, she promised she would. And she kept pouting to everyone that she still wanted me, etc. and how she screwed up, etc. Well finally I got fed up with it, and I completely bitched her out one night. I told her she needed to get over it, cause she was never going to have me again. I told her we're friends and thats ti. You can't keep dwelling on the past, you have to really learn from your mistakes, etc. Well she told me she would this time.
Well about a week later, a friend stopped me at lunch and was like, do you know whats going on, and I was like apparently not. She was like well in 2nd period pyschology someone found a letter, and I was like let me guess it was about me and Miranda, she said yes. So I was like did she write it or did someone else, she said someone else, but she doesn't know who it is. So I asked her what it was about, and she gave me this look, I was like just tell me come on. So she was like well I don't want to say it outloud, so she wrote it on a paper. When I read it, I flipped out. She apparently told someone that she fucked me in the hot tub with a thermometer. I mean come on who honestly would tell someone something like that. Even if it were true it wouldn't be anyone elses business besides mine and hers. I couldn't believe she told someone a lie like that. So yeah I wrote her a 3 1/2 page letter, completely bitching her out, I made a copy of it. I make copies of every really important letters, in case rumors get spread about something I said, and then I can show them exactly what I wrote at that time, I'm a bit paranoid and obsessive I suppose. So well yeah that night was Relay for Life, she was there. My good friend Gina was there, and Gina hates for her friends to be fighting. I was like no Gina its just not possible, she kept asking me to give her another chance. I was like Gina I've given her a million and one 2nd chances, and shes screwed them all up, I've tried my best with her, and nothing will work. Well she kept begging me through out the night, so finally I gave into her. I was like but I have nothing to say, I don't know what to say to her, so she gave me an idea. Well I took one of Shanina's friends home, and on my way back Miranda called and told me that Gina told her that I needed to talk to her. So we talked then, I told her Miranda I'm really pissed with you, I can't believe you'd go tell someone that. You've broken so many promises with me, and I just can't trust you at all. So she was like ok, ok. I told her, I'm only doing this because Gina asked me too. I frankly didn't want to see you or talk to you ever again. She was like I know, I know. I told her, I am going to give you one last chance, and thats it, if you screw this up, then thats it. And understand that I only want to be friends with you and nothing more. She said ok. I made her promise me that she wouldn't lie to me anymore, and that she would smoke pot anymore. Guess what I found out yesterday? She couldn't keep that promise for very long. I asked her when the last time she did it was, she said on Friday. I was fairly pissed, but I was really calm at the same time, it was weird. She knew I was mad. I was like Miranda come on, you broke another promise with me. She was like I know I'm sorry, I told Jennifer earlier that I couldn't do that shit anymore, etc. (Jennifer is the one she does this with). I was like Miranda, when you say you're going to do something, you have to do it, you have to keep your promises. And you really seriously have to learn from your mistakes. She was like I know. I was like ok you have to promise me right now, that from this moment on you won't get in trouble anymore, and that means you can't smoke pot or any of that shit. She was like ok, I promise. I don't know why I'm actually giving her another chance, I guess I'm just that type of person, I guess also cause I was in a good mood.
I don't completely trust that she'll keep her promise. But I have faith in her, plus she seems like shes making an effort. She told me today that, shes determined to make grades, if shes going to do anything right this year thats going to be that she'll walk across that fucking stage. Plus I'm happy for her cause she told some people off yesterday. They'd been harassing her about me and my new girlfriend. Which I think is none of their business, and she thought the same, so she bitched them out, it was great. I don't know she seems alot happier lately, I think maybe cause shes moving on, but then again I don't know. It's all puzzling to me.
*~School~*
Ughh... I hate algebra, I'm completely not good with math. So yeah my grades have been slipping in there but I don't care much about it. I have a 67 I think right now. I really don't want to take it for a 3rd time. I had algebra 2 pre ap last year and 11 out of 13 people in my class failed the B part of the class. So I wasn't the only one atleast. Umm.. I have a really good grade in history, a 97, and I have a 100 in BCIS, which is completely awesome. My other grades are average, so its all good.
**Soccer**
Well I was playing club soccer, but no one wanted to play this spring, so I'm currently not playing. I found out today that my favortie guy in the world won't be part of my life anymore, it upsets me. Coach Kear is transferring to Wylie. I don't blame him, he gets no respect from people in this town. He has no friends here, he has no social outlet. In Wylie hes closer to his parents and his sister, his son is going to start living with him and they're closer to the hospital (his son has some medical conditions). So yeah I'm bummed, but I'm really a little nervous about next year. I don't know what it will be like, but hey as long as I'm playing soccer I'll be fine.
Well I think this is all for now, I really need to go to bed, and I still have to do my homework, and I'm also talking to Janelle right now, so I'm gonna go, Laters.
Wow life has been crazy for me lately. I want to write about it all, but I don't think I can put all of it into words. I guess I just make a little list. Here it goes.
**Shanina**
Ah.. my wonderful girlfriend. We've been together since the 6th. Well we seriously started talking on April 21st, we've been writing letters to each other constantly everyday, she even got me hooked on writing notes during class (we have chemistry and algebra together this tri). I spent the entire night with her at relay for life (April 25th), I didn't leave till 5:45 in the morning, we had a perfect kiss. She walked me to my car, we had a long hug, and then she asked for a kiss so I gave it to her, that night was really wonderful. We got to know alot about each other, and I'm talking about each other's deep dark secrets. It was awesome, well saturday night was prom. I talk to her then. OMG when I first saw her, it blew my mind, she looked so beautiful, she reminded me of Billie Holiday. It was great. I danced with two people, Russel (in my chemistry class) and Shanina. It was really cool, no one said anything negative. Everyone I know, even people I don't know, support us, and I've become friends with alot of her friends its really cool. Well yeah at first I was having problems with the idea of dating her, cause she was dating Rafael. I stricly believe in dating only one person, completely. Well on April 30th, after she got home from church, Rafael went over there. He told her that he cheated on her, twice, with her best friend. How lame is that? So yeah I convinced her to break up with him, she was in shock for like two days. So yeah we got even closer then, cause I was there for her, I call her at night, and talk to her for a little bit. I meet with her before classes, we actually kiss each other bye when we have to go to class. Its awesome, she makes me so comfortable with pda, well we make sure not to do anything with teachers around.
She is really ticklish, its so cute, it cracks her up when I do my "eyebrow dance" and when I move my ears. I actually got in trouble on monday by our chemistry teacher, and it still freaks me out. Cause I "giggle" alot in there, its my favorite class, but I don't feel I'm interupting people. The other people in my class always laugh at the top of their lungs and talk while shes teaching, I don't do that, I just don't understand. Our teacher doesn't have a 5th period (we have her 4th), well she goes Erin I need you to stay her for a second. She held me in her classroom, with just me and her. She goes is there something I need to know about, I gave her a question look, and she said about all that giggling in the back. I was like do you mean at the beginning of class, she said no the entire class period for the last few days. I was like no, she said well it needs to stop, now. What I meant by at the beginning of class, there is this guy in our class who takes a piece of paper out of his folder and goes to the bathroom, hes gone for like 15 minutes. We have proof, and I've seen it myself, he has like hard core anime porn, its crazy. I don't make fun of him it just surprises me. But this girl Katy started freaking out, and I was laughing at her, simply cause she was overreacting. But thats not what my teacher was referring to. Well today at the beginning of class right after Shanina and I got in there, she started writing some one up. Well I was like if shes writing me up, thats ridiculous, cause well it would be, I'm different than anyone else in my class, but I was also like well I don't think she is, but if she is oh well. So yeah what I've determined is that she found out that I am gay and that I am with Shanina now, and she is very prejudice. Now let me explain, we don't do anything during class, all we do is talk, nothing that would distract other people. So yeah, she freaks me out, and I kind of dread going to that class now, but its my favorite class, so it makes me feel kind of bummed.
Well I love Shanina and she loves me. I love our relationship, is simple. And I love simplicity. Shes given me alot of things in such a short time. Well I finally got to experience what it meant to "talk" before going out with someone. I finally know what its like to have the simplicity of not having to worry about the physical stuff. I don't know its just different, its wonderful. I still can't believe she liked me for 4 1/2 months before she actually told me. All of her friends when I first got to know them, they were like finally, she always talks about you, constantly. And at that Shanina would start blushing, its so cute. Well Shanina has renewed my passion for Japanese, I write stuff to her in it, and she writes stuff to me in German. I've started studying, I love it. She should knows she really special, cause it takes alot about someone to get me to go to church. Actually she didn't ask me to go, I knew she went, so I asked her what time it started, so I just showed up. Tonight was my 3rd time to go. Its really cool, cause the first time in my life I feel comfortable at church, its crazy. So yeah needless to say I'm really happy right now.
~~Miranda~~
She puzzles me sometimes, and sometimes she makes me really want to knock the shit out of her, but when it comes to that shes lucky that I have a very strong will power. Well yeah were together for 5 months and a week. She had lied to me several times about smoking pot and cigarettes, and dipping. Someone told me she was going crack, but I don't believe that. I found out from Amanda, what all Miranda had done, and I'm glad she told me, cause I deserved to know. Well I put up with it for awhile and just asked her to quit, she promised she would. And she kept pouting to everyone that she still wanted me, etc. and how she screwed up, etc. Well finally I got fed up with it, and I completely bitched her out one night. I told her she needed to get over it, cause she was never going to have me again. I told her we're friends and thats ti. You can't keep dwelling on the past, you have to really learn from your mistakes, etc. Well she told me she would this time.
Well about a week later, a friend stopped me at lunch and was like, do you know whats going on, and I was like apparently not. She was like well in 2nd period pyschology someone found a letter, and I was like let me guess it was about me and Miranda, she said yes. So I was like did she write it or did someone else, she said someone else, but she doesn't know who it is. So I asked her what it was about, and she gave me this look, I was like just tell me come on. So she was like well I don't want to say it outloud, so she wrote it on a paper. When I read it, I flipped out. She apparently told someone that she fucked me in the hot tub with a thermometer. I mean come on who honestly would tell someone something like that. Even if it were true it wouldn't be anyone elses business besides mine and hers. I couldn't believe she told someone a lie like that. So yeah I wrote her a 3 1/2 page letter, completely bitching her out, I made a copy of it. I make copies of every really important letters, in case rumors get spread about something I said, and then I can show them exactly what I wrote at that time, I'm a bit paranoid and obsessive I suppose. So well yeah that night was Relay for Life, she was there. My good friend Gina was there, and Gina hates for her friends to be fighting. I was like no Gina its just not possible, she kept asking me to give her another chance. I was like Gina I've given her a million and one 2nd chances, and shes screwed them all up, I've tried my best with her, and nothing will work. Well she kept begging me through out the night, so finally I gave into her. I was like but I have nothing to say, I don't know what to say to her, so she gave me an idea. Well I took one of Shanina's friends home, and on my way back Miranda called and told me that Gina told her that I needed to talk to her. So we talked then, I told her Miranda I'm really pissed with you, I can't believe you'd go tell someone that. You've broken so many promises with me, and I just can't trust you at all. So she was like ok, ok. I told her, I'm only doing this because Gina asked me too. I frankly didn't want to see you or talk to you ever again. She was like I know, I know. I told her, I am going to give you one last chance, and thats it, if you screw this up, then thats it. And understand that I only want to be friends with you and nothing more. She said ok. I made her promise me that she wouldn't lie to me anymore, and that she would smoke pot anymore. Guess what I found out yesterday? She couldn't keep that promise for very long. I asked her when the last time she did it was, she said on Friday. I was fairly pissed, but I was really calm at the same time, it was weird. She knew I was mad. I was like Miranda come on, you broke another promise with me. She was like I know I'm sorry, I told Jennifer earlier that I couldn't do that shit anymore, etc. (Jennifer is the one she does this with). I was like Miranda, when you say you're going to do something, you have to do it, you have to keep your promises. And you really seriously have to learn from your mistakes. She was like I know. I was like ok you have to promise me right now, that from this moment on you won't get in trouble anymore, and that means you can't smoke pot or any of that shit. She was like ok, I promise. I don't know why I'm actually giving her another chance, I guess I'm just that type of person, I guess also cause I was in a good mood.
I don't completely trust that she'll keep her promise. But I have faith in her, plus she seems like shes making an effort. She told me today that, shes determined to make grades, if shes going to do anything right this year thats going to be that she'll walk across that fucking stage. Plus I'm happy for her cause she told some people off yesterday. They'd been harassing her about me and my new girlfriend. Which I think is none of their business, and she thought the same, so she bitched them out, it was great. I don't know she seems alot happier lately, I think maybe cause shes moving on, but then again I don't know. It's all puzzling to me.
*~School~*
Ughh... I hate algebra, I'm completely not good with math. So yeah my grades have been slipping in there but I don't care much about it. I have a 67 I think right now. I really don't want to take it for a 3rd time. I had algebra 2 pre ap last year and 11 out of 13 people in my class failed the B part of the class. So I wasn't the only one atleast. Umm.. I have a really good grade in history, a 97, and I have a 100 in BCIS, which is completely awesome. My other grades are average, so its all good.
**Soccer**
Well I was playing club soccer, but no one wanted to play this spring, so I'm currently not playing. I found out today that my favortie guy in the world won't be part of my life anymore, it upsets me. Coach Kear is transferring to Wylie. I don't blame him, he gets no respect from people in this town. He has no friends here, he has no social outlet. In Wylie hes closer to his parents and his sister, his son is going to start living with him and they're closer to the hospital (his son has some medical conditions). So yeah I'm bummed, but I'm really a little nervous about next year. I don't know what it will be like, but hey as long as I'm playing soccer I'll be fine.
Well I think this is all for now, I really need to go to bed, and I still have to do my homework, and I'm also talking to Janelle right now, so I'm gonna go, Laters.
Thursday, May 01, 2003
!!~Wow I really need to write~!!
Damn I have so much to say, about EVERYTHING. Just a reminder for me: my wonderful future girlfriend, psycho Miranda, Rebecca, family life, prom, school, the summer. But well lately I haven't had the time to write, plus I haven't been at home (explain later), and well its just been hectic lately, but the last week 1/2 has been very excellent for me. But yeah I can't write right now, cause I don't have the time, and I need to go to bed. So well I'll talk to ya later, and hopefully I'll be able to write this weekend.
Oh quick reminder for Bopper: girl you need to stay out of trouble, but hey I understand how it is though, it just sucks ass that you're grounded, I miss talking to you.
Laters
Damn I have so much to say, about EVERYTHING. Just a reminder for me: my wonderful future girlfriend, psycho Miranda, Rebecca, family life, prom, school, the summer. But well lately I haven't had the time to write, plus I haven't been at home (explain later), and well its just been hectic lately, but the last week 1/2 has been very excellent for me. But yeah I can't write right now, cause I don't have the time, and I need to go to bed. So well I'll talk to ya later, and hopefully I'll be able to write this weekend.
Oh quick reminder for Bopper: girl you need to stay out of trouble, but hey I understand how it is though, it just sucks ass that you're grounded, I miss talking to you.
Laters
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