??Hmm... What to Say, What to Say??

Wow life has been crazy for me lately. I want to write about it all, but I don't think I can put all of it into words. I guess I just make a little list. Here it goes.

**Shanina**
Ah.. my wonderful girlfriend. We've been together since the 6th. Well we seriously started talking on April 21st, we've been writing letters to each other constantly everyday, she even got me hooked on writing notes during class (we have chemistry and algebra together this tri). I spent the entire night with her at relay for life (April 25th), I didn't leave till 5:45 in the morning, we had a perfect kiss. She walked me to my car, we had a long hug, and then she asked for a kiss so I gave it to her, that night was really wonderful. We got to know alot about each other, and I'm talking about each other's deep dark secrets. It was awesome, well saturday night was prom. I talk to her then. OMG when I first saw her, it blew my mind, she looked so beautiful, she reminded me of Billie Holiday. It was great. I danced with two people, Russel (in my chemistry class) and Shanina. It was really cool, no one said anything negative. Everyone I know, even people I don't know, support us, and I've become friends with alot of her friends its really cool. Well yeah at first I was having problems with the idea of dating her, cause she was dating Rafael. I stricly believe in dating only one person, completely. Well on April 30th, after she got home from church, Rafael went over there. He told her that he cheated on her, twice, with her best friend. How lame is that? So yeah I convinced her to break up with him, she was in shock for like two days. So yeah we got even closer then, cause I was there for her, I call her at night, and talk to her for a little bit. I meet with her before classes, we actually kiss each other bye when we have to go to class. Its awesome, she makes me so comfortable with pda, well we make sure not to do anything with teachers around.

She is really ticklish, its so cute, it cracks her up when I do my "eyebrow dance" and when I move my ears. I actually got in trouble on monday by our chemistry teacher, and it still freaks me out. Cause I "giggle" alot in there, its my favorite class, but I don't feel I'm interupting people. The other people in my class always laugh at the top of their lungs and talk while shes teaching, I don't do that, I just don't understand. Our teacher doesn't have a 5th period (we have her 4th), well she goes Erin I need you to stay her for a second. She held me in her classroom, with just me and her. She goes is there something I need to know about, I gave her a question look, and she said about all that giggling in the back. I was like do you mean at the beginning of class, she said no the entire class period for the last few days. I was like no, she said well it needs to stop, now. What I meant by at the beginning of class, there is this guy in our class who takes a piece of paper out of his folder and goes to the bathroom, hes gone for like 15 minutes. We have proof, and I've seen it myself, he has like hard core anime porn, its crazy. I don't make fun of him it just surprises me. But this girl Katy started freaking out, and I was laughing at her, simply cause she was overreacting. But thats not what my teacher was referring to. Well today at the beginning of class right after Shanina and I got in there, she started writing some one up. Well I was like if shes writing me up, thats ridiculous, cause well it would be, I'm different than anyone else in my class, but I was also like well I don't think she is, but if she is oh well. So yeah what I've determined is that she found out that I am gay and that I am with Shanina now, and she is very prejudice. Now let me explain, we don't do anything during class, all we do is talk, nothing that would distract other people. So yeah, she freaks me out, and I kind of dread going to that class now, but its my favorite class, so it makes me feel kind of bummed.

Well I love Shanina and she loves me. I love our relationship, is simple. And I love simplicity. Shes given me alot of things in such a short time. Well I finally got to experience what it meant to "talk" before going out with someone. I finally know what its like to have the simplicity of not having to worry about the physical stuff. I don't know its just different, its wonderful. I still can't believe she liked me for 4 1/2 months before she actually told me. All of her friends when I first got to know them, they were like finally, she always talks about you, constantly. And at that Shanina would start blushing, its so cute. Well Shanina has renewed my passion for Japanese, I write stuff to her in it, and she writes stuff to me in German. I've started studying, I love it. She should knows she really special, cause it takes alot about someone to get me to go to church. Actually she didn't ask me to go, I knew she went, so I asked her what time it started, so I just showed up. Tonight was my 3rd time to go. Its really cool, cause the first time in my life I feel comfortable at church, its crazy. So yeah needless to say I'm really happy right now.

~~Miranda~~
She puzzles me sometimes, and sometimes she makes me really want to knock the shit out of her, but when it comes to that shes lucky that I have a very strong will power. Well yeah were together for 5 months and a week. She had lied to me several times about smoking pot and cigarettes, and dipping. Someone told me she was going crack, but I don't believe that. I found out from Amanda, what all Miranda had done, and I'm glad she told me, cause I deserved to know. Well I put up with it for awhile and just asked her to quit, she promised she would. And she kept pouting to everyone that she still wanted me, etc. and how she screwed up, etc. Well finally I got fed up with it, and I completely bitched her out one night. I told her she needed to get over it, cause she was never going to have me again. I told her we're friends and thats ti. You can't keep dwelling on the past, you have to really learn from your mistakes, etc. Well she told me she would this time.

Well about a week later, a friend stopped me at lunch and was like, do you know whats going on, and I was like apparently not. She was like well in 2nd period pyschology someone found a letter, and I was like let me guess it was about me and Miranda, she said yes. So I was like did she write it or did someone else, she said someone else, but she doesn't know who it is. So I asked her what it was about, and she gave me this look, I was like just tell me come on. So she was like well I don't want to say it outloud, so she wrote it on a paper. When I read it, I flipped out. She apparently told someone that she fucked me in the hot tub with a thermometer. I mean come on who honestly would tell someone something like that. Even if it were true it wouldn't be anyone elses business besides mine and hers. I couldn't believe she told someone a lie like that. So yeah I wrote her a 3 1/2 page letter, completely bitching her out, I made a copy of it. I make copies of every really important letters, in case rumors get spread about something I said, and then I can show them exactly what I wrote at that time, I'm a bit paranoid and obsessive I suppose. So well yeah that night was Relay for Life, she was there. My good friend Gina was there, and Gina hates for her friends to be fighting. I was like no Gina its just not possible, she kept asking me to give her another chance. I was like Gina I've given her a million and one 2nd chances, and shes screwed them all up, I've tried my best with her, and nothing will work. Well she kept begging me through out the night, so finally I gave into her. I was like but I have nothing to say, I don't know what to say to her, so she gave me an idea. Well I took one of Shanina's friends home, and on my way back Miranda called and told me that Gina told her that I needed to talk to her. So we talked then, I told her Miranda I'm really pissed with you, I can't believe you'd go tell someone that. You've broken so many promises with me, and I just can't trust you at all. So she was like ok, ok. I told her, I'm only doing this because Gina asked me too. I frankly didn't want to see you or talk to you ever again. She was like I know, I know. I told her, I am going to give you one last chance, and thats it, if you screw this up, then thats it. And understand that I only want to be friends with you and nothing more. She said ok. I made her promise me that she wouldn't lie to me anymore, and that she would smoke pot anymore. Guess what I found out yesterday? She couldn't keep that promise for very long. I asked her when the last time she did it was, she said on Friday. I was fairly pissed, but I was really calm at the same time, it was weird. She knew I was mad. I was like Miranda come on, you broke another promise with me. She was like I know I'm sorry, I told Jennifer earlier that I couldn't do that shit anymore, etc. (Jennifer is the one she does this with). I was like Miranda, when you say you're going to do something, you have to do it, you have to keep your promises. And you really seriously have to learn from your mistakes. She was like I know. I was like ok you have to promise me right now, that from this moment on you won't get in trouble anymore, and that means you can't smoke pot or any of that shit. She was like ok, I promise. I don't know why I'm actually giving her another chance, I guess I'm just that type of person, I guess also cause I was in a good mood.

I don't completely trust that she'll keep her promise. But I have faith in her, plus she seems like shes making an effort. She told me today that, shes determined to make grades, if shes going to do anything right this year thats going to be that she'll walk across that fucking stage. Plus I'm happy for her cause she told some people off yesterday. They'd been harassing her about me and my new girlfriend. Which I think is none of their business, and she thought the same, so she bitched them out, it was great. I don't know she seems alot happier lately, I think maybe cause shes moving on, but then again I don't know. It's all puzzling to me.

*~School~*
Ughh... I hate algebra, I'm completely not good with math. So yeah my grades have been slipping in there but I don't care much about it. I have a 67 I think right now. I really don't want to take it for a 3rd time. I had algebra 2 pre ap last year and 11 out of 13 people in my class failed the B part of the class. So I wasn't the only one atleast. Umm.. I have a really good grade in history, a 97, and I have a 100 in BCIS, which is completely awesome. My other grades are average, so its all good.

**Soccer**
Well I was playing club soccer, but no one wanted to play this spring, so I'm currently not playing. I found out today that my favortie guy in the world won't be part of my life anymore, it upsets me. Coach Kear is transferring to Wylie. I don't blame him, he gets no respect from people in this town. He has no friends here, he has no social outlet. In Wylie hes closer to his parents and his sister, his son is going to start living with him and they're closer to the hospital (his son has some medical conditions). So yeah I'm bummed, but I'm really a little nervous about next year. I don't know what it will be like, but hey as long as I'm playing soccer I'll be fine.

Well I think this is all for now, I really need to go to bed, and I still have to do my homework, and I'm also talking to Janelle right now, so I'm gonna go, Laters.