!!Life REALLY SUCKS Sometimes!!

Actually life just really pisses me off sometimes. I understand that things happen for a reason, but that doesn't stop me from wondering. Why did this girl's dad have to get a job in Houston, why did her family have to move, why won't they wait till the end of the year to make her move in with them? Its just not fair to make her leave now, I'm hoping they'll wait, I'm hoping that if she leaves now it will mess with her g.p.a. credits cause thats the only way she will get to stay. Why do I have to be so shy, why is my timing never right with anyone, why do I always want the unattainable? And I know you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about right?

Well here it goes. The last time I wrote, I wrote about going over to Bree's and being able to hang out with Jeannie. Well yeah she was there, we didn't really hang out, I was late because my brother decided to go to the bank at the last minute (which ended up taking him 45 minutes, I was almost an hour late), and we watched a movie so there wasn't really any talking, I caught her eye a few times (or should I say she caught mine looking at her). But she left a few minutes after the movie was over, so no talking then. Oh and yeah I had been planning on asking her if she wanted me to take her to the zoo, but thats what they went and did today (Ann, Julia, Jeannie, Bree, and Ann's mom), we were talking about stuff when we were eating after the game friday, and Carol (Ann's mom) and Ann were talking about going up to Fort Worth and doing something (like the botanical gardens or something like that), and then I really think I gave them the idea to go to the zoo, cause I told them that they should take Jeannie cause she really wanted to go, so needless to say I didn't get to take Jeannie to the mall. I called Ann on my way home just to make sure Jeannie was going, and I told them I was just wondering cause if she wasn't for some reason then I would take her if she wanted to, the way I told her made it really obvious my intentions (Ann also knew I like Jeannie cause we sort of talked about her in history). Anyways, well there I was thinking damn I wish she could have stayed longer. Soon after that what did I find out but the horrible truth. Her parents moved over Christmas break to Houston because her dad got a new job (alot better that the one here, and her mom's new teaching job paid better than it did here). Well Jeannie stayed to finish playing soccer, up until friday she hadn't seen her parents since they left, now Jeannie doesn't get along too well with her parents, and the only reason she'd want to go to Houston is so that she could be with her sister, she absolutely loves her.

But you see, what I found out is that there is a big possibility that Jeannie will have to move next week, and her parents weren't even the ones who told her (which pisses me off), they're on spring break right now so they have to wait till next week to see if the move would affect her school credits. A ONE WEEK notice, thats not fair at all to her not to mention not fair to any of her friends. No one is emotionally prepared for this. Her best friend Sabrina told me this: "Her parents promised her till the end of the year, and they've taken that from her, and now she doesn't trust them." Later she said that if they come and take her without her consent (her not being ready to leave) then she'll run. And I know Jeannie is the type of her person that will run away. But hell I wouldn't blame her.

Well yeah obviously I don't want her to leave, and not just cause I like her, mainly cause shes a friend too. I get attached to people easily. After I left Bree's, I cried almost the whole way home. But then I settled down a little bit, I had planned last week (before I talked to Becca) to write Jeannie a letter as well as a few people from the team. I got home around 9:00 or so cause I went and got some dinner and picked up Kyle. Then I began playing a game on my computer when I got home and did that till like midnight. Then I was just going to go to bed, but I kept thinking about her, and I was like screw it I'm going to write her right now, so thats what I did, I wrote her a letter a little more that 3 pages (2 pages front and back ya know). And I waited until about 8:00 tonight, till I knew I could have the car, and begged my mom to let me go to Wal-mart (which wal-mart always has a hidden meaning, but I really always do go there... eventually). Jeannie has been staying with Ann, so I went out there, and I drove around their neighborhood like a million time trying to figure out where I should put my letter, and then I began to feel like a stalker so I drove off a couple miles down the rode then drove back then just turned off the lights, parked, and put it in the mail box, I tried to call Ann to make sure she knew it was there, but the phone cut out or something. So I'm going to call her tomorrow to tell her, I really felt retarded doing it, but it was worth it. I felt like a stalker and I definately didn't want to go to the door and give it to her, cause I live like 40 minutes away, and well the situation would have been very awkward, although, I'm sure Ann's parents will end up being the people to give it to Jeannie, and I know they'll be wondering what is up (they don't know Jeannie is gay, and definately not Ann). If she doesn't want me, then thats cool. You see I have a great sense of satisfaction right now, cause I won't end up wondering what could have happened. I gave it my best shot.

And I feel retarded saying this, cause I was going to do this anyways, and then Becca told me to, I didn't do it cause she told me to. But really I just think she gave me a little more confidence to do it. But it was really messed up, her encouraging me to be with other people. I wonder why that is? Most of the time I never feel the need to be with anyone, if I pursue something with someone and that attempt fails then I'll wait for someone else to pursue or just wait for the right timing with that first person. Or its just the opposite (kind of), I may like someone or have feelings for them, but I don't pursue it cause I know things wouldn't work out. I only pursue the possible things. My pursueing Jeannie, I think shes a possibility, and also I really didn't want to regret anything later on. But I'm tired of talking about that.

My night sort of ended well. I went to Wal-mart, and thats always fun, Miranda got back from Tahoe today so she met me up there and kept me company, it was good to see her. Her mom's boss is really weird, have I ever mentioned her? Well Miranda's mom and her mom's boss are like best friends, well Thersea (sp? the boss) is really controlling of Miranda, and she always buys her stuff. Miranda said that while they were there Thersea gave her about $200, she had $50 of it left so she bought me a movie, magazine, and a book at wal-mart (cause mom said I could only get one book, if I used to not ask her what I could get, which was stupid cause I would waster her money, technically, I really love the stuff that I got with it though, lol). But yeah it was really weird that Miranda got me stuff at W-M, and she also got me "souveneirs" from Tahoe, its weird yeah, but mainly I feel guilty cause I never have any money to pay her back (she would let me if I did) or even to buy her stuff. But that just who Miranda is, she likes to get things for people, to make them happy. Anyways, I was also happy cause I bought my own underwear and sports bras (nice to know right), I'm always very proud of myself when I can get those things. I'm not much for style with the things noone ever sees, cheaper the better is what I think, lol.

Oh, lol guess what? I got pulled over on my way home, I only got a warning thank god, my mom would have shot me if I got a ticket.... again. And thank god I wasn't speeding like I normally do, I was in a melo/relaxed mood tonight, so I had cruise control set at 75. But at night the speed limit is always 65. He was really nice to me and actually talked to me, about where I was coming from, if I was on spring break what I was doing for spring break, if I new we were a war now, and told me to have a nice night and to be safe and to follow the traffic laws. He really was nice, and oh yeah and I can't leave out this detail, he was freaking CUTE. Lol seriously he was. Theres something about guys is uniform too!! Lol

Well I'm going to go now. Hmm... still makes me curious if Becca is really online or not, oh well guess shes busy or just doesn't want to talk to me. LATER