!!A Long Week!!

Well we came back from spring break this week, and I must say these days have gone by as slow as ever. Yet I've been fairly busy. I got to drive to school yesterday cause we had pictures and I think mine are going to come out really well. I got to drive today cause I had an orthodontist appointment in Cleburne, Megan saw me and stopped me, and we talked for alittle bit at the gas station, I miss hanging out with her. But neither of these days did I extremely want the car. I would really like to have it tomorrow, cause I have plans that night and the next morning. I'm going to Ann's for her "surprise" birthday party. Then saturday morning I'm going to run the 5K for project graduation (I'm pretty sure it also supports breast cancer awareness). And Kyle is going to take me there and well I'm not sure when he'll pick me up on saturday. I'm fairly pissed cause he knows how much I want the car. I have this sense of great pride when I drive not to mention it makes me really happy, but also it makes me feel cool when my friends get to see me drive "the Lexus." So yeah tomorrow I'm going to feel like a freaking 10 year old again. Oh well, I suppose its worth it, I'm staying the night over there, so the whole time I'll be around Jeannie, and hopefully I'll get to "talk" to her, she still hasn't responded to me.

Today before 1st period I caught Jeannie (leaned in the door of her class to talk to her, shes in my 5th period algebra class) to tell her I wasn't going to be in class today so I asked her if she'd be at Sabrina's or back and Ann's tonight, and she said Ann's, so then I asked her if it would be ok if I call her and get the assignment from her, she said it was ok. When I first started talking to her she looked surprised, I don't know if it was just because I was talking to her, because I wasn't going to be in class and didn't know why or because my hair was/is braided (I got bored last night). I just called her and talked to her for a sec about what they did and well it felt like an actual conversation, it was cool. Hmm... I wonder how much more self-confidence I've gotten this year? And this is just for me so I can remember something: teeth, cd player, dancing.

I'm pretty excited right now. One cause I get to spend time with Jeannie tomorrow. Two, cause I'm running in that race on Saturday. Three, cause I'm running in the Race for the Cure in Ft. Worth (Sundance Square). So not only did I donate my hair, I'm now donating my time and effort, I just want to show that I support people and show that I care.

Miranda really confuses me. Last weekend she made out with Amanda but completely doens't want to be with her, she took advantage of Amanda, and Amanda really likes her alot!!. It was kind of weird when she told me, but I thought it was funny and interesting. I knew she just wanted to be with someone cause she needed the attention. She called me that night (but didn't tell me what happened), but she got all upset and started crying, and rambling on. I know she misses being with me, and I would really like to make her happy, I just want to grap her and kiss her and tell her everything will be ok. But I can't do that, I just can't, cause I want to pursue other people. But really shes alot better than she has been, I think.

But well today she ate lunch with me, and she was like when are you getting out today? And I told her 2:15, and she asked me if I could meet her somewhere cause she wanted to tell me something. And well I was thinking what the fuck you've got to be kidding me? Cause yesterday something was different and in a really weird way. She started tanning I suppose it was that, and she had been wearing the goggles so it makes her eyes look different. And well Ann has been ranting all this week about how she thinks Miranda is still smoking weed and all that shit. So I kinda thought she was, and I asked her so, and she said she wasn't and told me she'd lied to me once and she was never going to lie to me again. So yeah I believe her and have believed her the whole year that she hasn't smoked weed since the summer. But today when she told me that I flipped out. Plus she said that she thinks shes going to be grounded until she graduates. But then she was like and no its not what your thinking, I told you I didn't do anything. A little later she asked me a really random question, she was like so can you read Japanese really well, I was like well yeah I guess. And thats when it hit me, you've got to be joking? Not again. I kept asking her, did you? did you? And she just repeated maybe. I was thinking oh god she got another tattoo, but she said it was Japanese, so then I was like well then maybe atleast it will mean something. When I met her after I got out, and I was like you got a tattoo, didn't you, she was like yeah. I asked her if thats the reason she would be grounded, which it was, but she said she had just shown her mom and her mom was kinda mad. She didn't ask her parents this time, she just said that she was pissed off and that it was kind of a spontaneous thing. So I made her show me, its on her right shoulder. Yeah its Japanese, its a kanji (a word, not katakana or hiragana -letters). I was like well since its a kanji that means its a word, so asked her what it was. She told me, it means "Wild." And oooh man did that make me mad. Her first tattoo was tribal art and it didn't mean anything to her (nothing significant, just something random), and I expected more this time, but it wasn't anything of importance to her, she just thought it looked cool. Isn't that so stupid? I was like you know one day you're going to regret getting those. She was like, I kind of already do, she said its cause no one likes it. And only her mom and I had seen it. She got upset again, I told her I had to go, but I told her that I care about her, in general. Then I had to go. Yeah I'm mad at her she never thinks before doing things, like kissing Amanda and getting a tattoo and it drives me crazy.

And of course I have to have a section for Rebecca. I want to say that Becca and I are on the same level of confusion right now but not completely. You know its true that no one is perfect. Even though she seems close to it, Ms. Becca does have a flaw. She is very indecisive. She really can't seem to make up her mind, but tries to make things work even though she may want to give up (her and Megan). She seems happy, yet she say she would date me, wouldn't mind a chance with Donovan, and well basically to sumarize Analise I think she still has feelings for her (but really its just complicated, am I right?) Shes stressed about what decisions to make with school, and stressed cause shes really busy taking the classes she is right now. So well I'm kind of afriad that if she did want to pursue me I think I would feel she just wants play. Thats what it was in the past atleast. Not to mention she would probably still be pondering "what if" about other people. Thats what made it hard for me to be with Miranda I "pondered" about the other possibilites of other people. And well I'm still waiting on Jeannie, if shes a no, then maybe I'd pursue things with Megan (probably not though) and hell maybe even Miranda, theres something about not dating someone, I've noticed so much more about her since we've been apart and it is for the better, but I want to pursue other possibilities so that I won't have to wonder. My feelings for Becca are pretty much going back to the friend level, so sense in getting my hopes up or keeping hope when something will probably never happen. Makse sense? I think to be on that level again I would have to be absolutely sure she wanted me, and I wouldn't be kept waiting until a current relationship ended. I have barely got to talk to her lately, I hope things with Megan are going ok, I don't think Becca really tells me the actual depth of things (how good or bad it really is). I wish she'd call me sometimes, I miss not hearing her voice. But I suppose I have to wait to talk to her cause I knows shes busy and I don't want to interupt her, lol so I guess I let her come to me.

Well I don't have much else to say, so I'll probably write again when I get home on Saturday.