Well I broke up with Miranda today, I'm fixing to put the letter on here that I wrote her, all of the bold and italicized stuff is pieces of lyrics I got from several different longs which I might list on the end. Well here ya go.

Miranda,
Ok seriously this is the hardest letter I’ve ever had to write. And contrary to what people may say (or what you may think), I really do care about you, and always have. I really did love you (still do), and no matter what it seems like, I have always had the best intentions for you, thats why I am such a hard-ass. Yeah lately I’ve been questioning about being with you, and I know I’ve given you reasons that have to do with you, but those are only like 25% of my decision. And reading Amanda’s letter really helped my decision. It made me fully realize something. The whole time we’ve been together I’ve had too many expectations of you, and I knew some you wouldn’t be able to do. But I’ve always tried to help you to realize how much potential that you have, and by doing that I’ve asked a lot from you and most of it you have done. But I’m really not sure that I helped you at all. You have made so many sacrifices for me and that means a lot to me.

But you see you’ve never asked anything of me, I know I’m not perfect and I know I’m really a bitch to you sometimes (more so lately) but you never say anything to me about it. I just can’t believe you love me just the way I am, I have so many flaws and problems (you either don’t know about them or you never say anything about them). I just really feel that this relationship isn’t fair for you, cause you’re always worrying about what you did or what you might do wrong, or being afraid of me being mad at you. I don’t want to see you waiting for me or for things to work out, its not worth it, cause my heart is just not in the right place right now. For awhile now I think we’ve both been pretending that nothing was wrong, but you’ve been thinking it was something you did, but all the while it was me. I just can’t keep putting you in the position where you feel bad or guilty for something you never did. I know its me and theres nothing you can do to change my feelings about that. I know its me cause I keep pushing you away and putting you down, and you get the run-around (thinking you did something wrong). I really don’t mean to hurt you and I really do apologize. But like I said my hearts not in the right place anymore and it can’t compromise to stay with you. I know it’ll be hard to do but please don’t waste your heart on me.

You know seriously I made a promise to myself that I’d never lie to you. Although I still love you, I just can’t be with you right now, and I feel if I say “I love you” then I would be lying and I’m afraid I’d be leading you on or something. Does that make sense? I love you as a friend and more than a friend, but I just don’t have that passion of love for you right now. I truly believe that in love we have a choice and it’s the truth. Love is waiting out there somewhere else, theres more love in the world right now than just me. And I know that sounds impossible but its possible, love is everywhere you just have to find it. I’m saying this cause I don’t want you to give up. Well you see everyday seems the same lately. I’ve tried to resist the urge to breakup with you. And I’ve wanted to believe things will get better, but I know in my heart that they won’t, not now atleast. We’ve both been hanging on by a single thread, but sometimes that thread breaks, but new thread can always be made right?

Well I keep seeing the truth, the sadness in your eyes and all the confusion. I really thought I had everything worked out in our relationship, but it all failed because there were too many expectations. Things like that, just don’t make much sense. But really I want to stand on my own two feet and I want to look at my life as a one way street. Atleast for now I want to be on my own. I’m not quite sure what to do, I know what I need, but I won’t follow, and I won’t lead. I know you’re trying to understand the way you make me feel, but for the most part I am happy with you. But other times you really piss me off or upset me. But you see you are my strength, but my weakness. You are my faith, but you are my doubt. We are really close and I don’t want to lose that. Even though being friends sounds really weird, but I know we can make it work. And believe it or not you have made a change in me. I’ve always been an understanding person, but I am more of one now. You have shown me real love, and also you’ve proved to me that even the person who everyone doubted the most can change for the better. You’ve given me hope and inspiration. But I always wonder if I will ever see all the things you see in me.

You say you’ve never felt what you feel for me ever before, so I’m original. Well let me tell you I feel the same about you, you are truly one of a kind. Well there’s no easy way to say goodbye. But really its not goodbye, I just don’t want to be with you anymore. You asked me if we would be friends no matter what happens, well thats a definite yes. Knowing that you really love me makes it hard to tell you I’m leaving. You finally gave me one good reason not to go, but staying here is my worst fear. Lately I knew there was something missing, and only one thing left to do, I have to leave behind that life that we’ve been living. However, you see being alone is my worst fear, but staying here is my worst fear.

Amanda may not think that I realize your great qualities, but I do. I know you’re caring and I do respect you for you cause you’re being who you are. And despite some things I say I love you for you (even if you do things that piss me off). I just want you to be true to who you are, and I think that I am hindering you from being that person. And I agree you are an awesome person and you deserve the best. And yeah my life is special, just by having you in it (also agree with her). But you see I want you to be true to yourself, and realize your potential and to do something with it. Have fun but don’t do any of the stupid shit that I strongly disapprove of and have brought up so many times. Right now I need some me time. Everything with us and any aspect of relationships has been distracting me. I really need to focus on soccer and my academics. I’m happy right now, just distracted.

Also, lately I’ve had a lot of people from my past come back into my life, I’ve just talked to them but its stirred up a lot of old feelings and memories. And honestly you don’t know these stories. And with my mom doing chemo, I need to do something with that, but can’t figure out exactly how I’m supposed to help, yet. I don’t know things have just been a lot more stressful lately, and I need to figure out what everything is and get them sorted out. I hope you can respect my decision. Don’t get me wrong, I really care about you, but I just don’t have that passion of love right now. As far as us getting back together I don’t know right now, but it’s not an option though. When I get things figured out, if I feel I want to be with you again then I will tell you. But I ask, please do not pressure me. I just need your support and respect. And like Amanda said “if its meant to be it will work out in the end.” But well its almost 1 a.m. and I need to get going, and thats all I have to say for now. Talk to you later.

Love Always, Erin

P.S.
Well you wanted to know the truth about what I felt, so here it is. This is whats been on my mind. And I also didn’t want to drag it out cause then you would hurt worse.