Hoping.........

Everyday I log on to the net, hoping. Hoping for what? I'm never quite sure. Everytime that little screen pops up on MSN (just 1 new message), I start to get excited hoping, just hoping. Then, as most of the time, I am disappointed to find that it is just junk mail. Just hoping, I always keep hope alive. I know what this hope is. Its the hope that several of my long lost friends (not always quite so lost) will write me an actual email. Well two of the three I can keep tabs on, but it makes me sad each time I check up on them, cause I know in my heart that they are not checking up on me. The other lives in Lubbock, going to college at Tech (this is Dana). The other two, Michelle and Rebecca.

Now ya see with Dana she is just a good friend I'd like to hear from. But with Michelle and Rebecca, I guess I feel like we have some unfinished business, or well just I keep replaying some scenes from my painful past over in my head (mostly about Michelle), I have gotten over those things but I suppose I have forgiven them but not completely forgotten them, but I don't dwell on them thank God.

Anyways, well Rebecca is the one that got away, although I know that nothing would work out with us in high school, and it would rock my world if something happened between us after high school. Since Becca and I live in different towns, the distance thing, literally keeps us apart, thats why we didn't pursue anything when we had the chance. But all I have to say about that, is that with life I can only hope for the best in the future, and not to dwell on my current disappointments. If things are supposed to happen then they will eventually happen.

One of the things I love to do, is to just sit and think, but sometimes it becomes my own worst enemy. Well I really like to sort things out in my head, and I analyze things alot. And the one thing I keep thinking is just to keep hoping, always keep hoping, and never to give up on life's possibilities. After all you know what they say, "when one door closes, another one opens." I believe that, but I also believe that sometimes the door that closes will open for one more opportunity.

"All The Things She Said"
Tatu

All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
This is not enough

I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost
If I'm asking for help, it's only because
Being with you has opened my eyes
Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise?

I keep asking myself, wondering how
I keep closing my eyes, but I can't block you out
Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me
Nobody else, so we can be free

All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
This is not enough
This is not enough

All the things she said
All the things she said

And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed
They say it's my fault, but I want her so much
Wanna fly her away, where the sun and rain
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame
When they stop and stare - don't worry me
'Cause I'm feeling for her, whats she's feeling for me
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head

Mother looking at me
Tell me what do you see?
Yes, I've lost my mind

Daddy looking at me
Will I ever be free?
Have I crossed the line?