~~Its Been Awhile~~

Wow its been a few days since I've written anything, I've been pretty busy, or atleast for my standards it is. But well I'm going to try and write about everything thats happened recently, but if I can't remember it all, oh well. Lol and oh BTW I've already written the first few paragraphs and then my computer screwed up, so I don't completely remember what I said, but I'm sure it sounded better the first time.

Miranda
I swear she has been driving me crazy lately. Well this entire week I've been a bitch to her, but not as bad as I could be (and she deserves it too). Its like shes this little puppy, that never leaves you alone and follows you everywhere. You see I'm a nice person so I still let her talk to me in the hallways in between classes, although I really would prefer not to see her at all, and I feel I have the right to be that way. But seriously she follows me everywhere, and sometimes I feel like shes followed me home. She calls me frequently, at home even when she knows I'm busy, she knew I was at work this weekend and she called me anyways. And she really pisses me off with the whole Amanda thing, she bitches about her all the time, and shes really mean to her too. I found out on saturday that Miranda has been talking about me to Nikki. Nikki told me it pisses her off but not as much as when she talks about Amanda. And we talked about that. Miranda really is mean about it, she makes fun of her, not like the way she looks or anything, Miranda makes fun of Amanda for how much she cares about her (Miranda). Isn't that fucked up? Well thats all I have to say about that.

Jeannie
Well as far as Jeannie goes, she still hasn't responded to my letter. But I don't care anymore. Amanda wrote me a letter the other day and she told me Jeannie said she didn't want to respond because it was too weird. I don't understand how a yes or no (or well I have expected a no) is weird. Amanda told me I shouldn't give up on her, and then she referred everything to Miranda, which kind of pissed me off, cause I've been trying hard to keep her away from Miranda cause Miranda will break her heart. She kept telling me that if she gave up then she wouldn't have gotten anything not even a kiss. ETC... And then basically she told me I should go for Rebecca and not to hold anything back. But yeah back to Jeannie, I haven't given up on her, but all I wanted out of it was knowing that she knew that someone cared about her. And I was successful at that, so I'm completely happy with the way things are. Besides like I said the first time I wrote about Jeannie, I don't think things would have worked out anyways. Well thats all about that.

**Pepa**
My beloved Pepa. Sadly his time on this earth is almost up. He is my mom's dad. I don't exactly know how old he is, I think he is in his 70's, but I'm not sure. Well you see last February he was diagnosed with Small-Cell Carcinoma (sp?), they found a tumor about the size of his fist. Well he started his treatment. And as of Christmas it had worked and it was all gone, well they noticed something and went to the doctor, they found out that it was just scar tissue that forms after treatment. Well last week he fell and hit his head and later the left side of his face went numb (not related to falling).

They went to the doctor the next day (Thursday) and found out that the cancer had traveled to his brain and there were two large tumors as well as the cancer being every where else in his brain. SMC travels (spreads) very rapidly, and if it comes back the treatment generally doesn’t work. So rather than trying the treatment again and have him feeling sick all the time, he is just going to stay home for the time that he has left. My mom went up there with her sisters and brother yesterday and they stayed the night. My brothers and I went up there today for a little bit (less time than I expected) I didn’t ok for the most part. I only got upset cause I saw how much it was bothering my mom especially when he was eating cause its hard for him to swallow.

I know this has to be incredibly hard for her. Cause when hes gone, she doesn’t have either of her parents. Her mom died when she was 53 (her mom, not mine), she died of a heart attack (I think the third one she’d had, not sure though). I just know she smoked and that’s mainly what provoked her death. I was only 2 ½ months old so I didn’t know her and I know we called her Gramma (I think, but I don’t know how we spelt it). I can tell my mom is totally stressed and upset. But this situation is kind of cool cause my mom and I have gotten a little closer. Like Friday when she told me, she told me more than she did my brothers, and today we were going through some stuff of Pepa’s, and she was telling me what they all were, and who it was in pictures, I think it made her feel special showing me stuff, she knows I appreciate all of it a million times more than my brothers do. The very first things she showed me were my great grandma’s coin collection [Dana, I knew her cause we used to visit her all the time, but she was in her 90’s my whole life, I was young so I didn’t yet know how to have an actual conversation with her, she was an amazing person from what I know, and she was always loving to me (how ironic, her maiden name was Loving)]. But the main thing that pisses me off about Pepa’s death, is that my mom is the oldest, and I know my mom feels kind of rejected cause he is getting Lisa (2nd oldest) to do all of the will stuff, and the stuff we looked at today he gave to her. I just feel sorry for my mom. Oh and it pisses me off cause my step-grandma June, I don’t like her all that much cause I think she is a gold-digger. She is getting more money than my mom and my aunts. And shes old, why does she need the money. She has manipulated my Pepa several times, 2 or 3 times dealing with houses. And with his will, she has definitely manipulated him. And he kind of realized it and has been getting Lisa to help out. I hope they’ve gotten most of it taken care of.

I think we have the right to be pissed off about that stuff. But its just sad, really really sad. Cause our grandfather, my mom’s dad, is dying right this very moment. They gave him 2 months to live but we all know its going to be less than that. No one should care about the money (the will) and shit, we should all care about the time that we have left. I think we are all focusing on that, but still the will thing is still in the back of our minds cause we want what was his to go into the right hands. Does that make sense, or does it still make us sounds like gold-diggers ourselves? Well I’m not really all that upset about my grandpa dying, I’ve never really been all that close to him. But I feel hes had a good life and has used it well. And now it is his time to go, but I don’t think anyone really wants to see someone they love die. He will be missed.

!!Soccer!!
This paragraph will be kind of short. Hell Yeah!! Guess what? I got All-District Honorable Mention. I’m very happy with that, although yeah I definitely wanted more than that, but its all good. Oh and you can’t forget this one. I got the team Gatorade award for Rookie of the Year (given directly from Coach Kear). I’m very happy, and it made my family happy, especially my mom, I didn’t tell her till today about my All-District award. She was so psyched, it made her so happy, and I could tell she was proud of me. Lol she kind of showed me off to my aunts, not snobbishly, just shared the news enthusiastically. I took my soccer scrapbook (did I say that already?) and they all like it although I’m not finished. Aunt Laura said it reminded her a lot of my mom, cause my mom was really creative like that (made scrapbooks for her and her sisters in high school, she also did a million other things). And we stopped at a gas station after we left and I was walking back out towards the cars, and Aunt Lisa was sitting there, and she started smiling, and I asked her why, she said that just then I had this smirk on my face and that I looked exactly like my mom. And anytime someone says that it makes me really happy and proud even though I may not show it. I love my mom. Oh and today, I told Pepa I loved him. I hardly ever tell anyone that I love them, it made me proud.

But well I’ve been writing for quite a while, and its almost 2:20 now, lol so I’m going to go off to bed, so I’ll talk to ya laters.