**Isn't It Weird**

You know I've been thinking. Life can be very strange sometimes, its just really odd how some things end up working out. Like right now, being at my dads is just so weird. I've never lived with him my entire life. And here I am now, even though its only a few days (same thing I did last week), its just different I suppose. Just a new atmosphere that I have to get used to. Yeah its also been really weird having my dad take me to school. Having him involved in my life, even though its a small amount, is just amazing. I've always depended on my mom for everything, and I still do, its just that my dad has had a bigger part in my life this year. Yeah its a good thing, just weird. Although the only part I really like about staying here, is the fact that they have cable (lol thats pretty shallow) and the fact that I get to spend time with my step-sister Janelle. And well yeah it is nice spending time with dad and Jan, my dad isn't near as annoying outside of the car, lol.

Janelle is a pretty cool girl, shes grown up alot since I first met her. I used to not like her all that much cause she was so hyper. But I'm the only one that really listens to her talk, shes actually a very intelligent person. I think she likes having me around as well, I mean who wouldn't want me around, lol j/k. But seriously shes never had a sister, much less one thats older than her. JR's (my step-brother) girlfriends don't count. I think she respects me alot and I would think it would be so entirely cool if she looked up to me. Who would ever think of it, me a role model? Interesting. But that would be so bad ass. I guess cause I never really had much of role models (my brothers), although I used to look up to my brother Brian but he changed alot since he graduated (98').

Well things have been really strange for me lately. Theres one thing about me that I've always realized, and it still amazes me every time it comes up. I can not stay mad at people, I just don't have it within me to hold things against people. Yeah I'm talking about Miranda again, I would like to be mad at her but I just can't. I feel so bad sometimes about breaking up with her, but I'm glad I did, since she was lying to me and all. I feel bad for her, shes been having alot of problems with her family lately. The whole thing, where when you live under my roof you'll go by my rules type of things. Which means she can't be herself, and basically her mom has been very controlling over her, and it drives Miranda up the wall. But also I feel guilty, cause I wan't Miranda to be happy, but I can only give it to her as a friend. I feel guilty cause she still does these little things, like shes trying to win me back. Like buy me Chicken Express for lunch, buy me 4 RCs (bottles) and sunflower seeds while I'm staying at my dads, and buy me a 6-pack of RCs (cans) while I stay at my dads, and give me money for lunch when I have none but like 50 cents. I can't decide sometimes if shes just being a good friend or if shes still trying to be more than that. I try to pay her back for the things that she gets me, but she'll never take it, and I feel bad, as if I'm using her just to get stuff. Does that make sense? One thing she asked me that night I climbed on her balcony, was if I'd still be there for her if she hit a couple of bumps along the way. And well I think I've been doing pretty good with that, I've been there every time shes needed to vent, and I've been there to remind her of the mistakes shes made (kind of mean sometimes, but its necessary at the same time) and I encourage her to try her best to stay positive. But yeah I guess I really do know how Rebecca feels sometimes. But you can't be everything for everyone, you can only do your best.

Random thought: I think Jeannie is mad at me. I think Ann is mad at me for not being mad at Miranda.

Well this entry is just about how things have seemed a little weird lately, but not in a bad way. So I guess none of this is really romantic or anything, not tonight atleast :)
Awwww.... and to the best part. Rebecca. Yes, being with Rebecca is absolutely wonderful. Its just a little weird for me I guess, cause this is an actual relationship. But its different cause I don't get to see her every day and I don't get to do all of the wonderful things that I wish I could do every day. But hey better seeing her every weekend rather than once every few months. Yeah this week and last week shes the thing that has gotten me through the week, she has been the thing I looked forward to. The week before I was looking forward to Ann's birthday party and the project graduation 5K. But looking forward to being able to seeing her beautiful face has kept me going. Lol I still can't believe we're dating. And thats a great thing. It just kind of came as a shock, seriously, I didn't expect her to ask me out, or well atleast not this soon, ya know. But yeah I'm estatic about being with her, shes such a wonderful person. And I can't wait until Friday to see her, WHOO-HOO!!!!!!!

Well thats all I have to say for right now, cause I REALLY need to go to bed and GET some sleep. Its like 12:00. But well before I go, heres another song, and but of course its from my favorite band!! This is just a bad ass song, cause well we all do feel a little bit weird sometimes.

HANSON:
"Weird"

Isn't it weird. Isn't it strange.
Even though we're just two strangers on this runaway train
We're both trying to find a place in the sun
We've lived in the shadows, but doesn't everyone

Isn't it strange how we all feel a little bit weird sometimes
Isn't it hard. Standing in the rain.
You're on the verge of going crazy and your heart's in pain
No one can hear, though you're screaming so loud
You feel all alone in a faceless crowd

Isn't it strange how we all get a little bit weird sometimes.
Sitting on the side waiting for a sign, hoping that my luck will change.
Reaching for a hand that can understand, someone who feels the same.
When you live in a cookie cutter world being different is a sin.

So you don't stand out. And you don't fit in. Weird.
Sitting on the side waiting for a sign, hoping that my luck will change.
Reaching for a hand that can understand, someone who feels the same.
When you live in a cookie cutter world if you're different you can't win.

So you don't stand out and you don't fit in. Weird.
Isn't it strange how we all feel a little bit weird
Strange, how we all get a little bit...
Strange, 'cause we're all just a little bit weird sometimes.