**Falling Down**

Lately its seemed that everything in my life has gone wrong. And one of the few things that was keeping me up is now one of the things that is making me down (Rebecca that is). Lets see recent things that have made me depressed: Pepa dying, fighting with Kyle, Dad losing his job (but he got a new one though, so thats good), Rebecca asking me not to write about her on my blogger (or not details), Rebecca telling me " can we go back to dating, just stop being "together" so i can get this sorted out?"

I'm not really sure what to write about, Pepa's funeral went well.

~~Rebecca~~
I'm in such a negative mood, from everything not just her. I could say so many things to her right now, but she would probably hate me later on, or think that I'm a psycho. I'm just so mad right now, and upset. But really I think I'm just mad at myself, I knew something like this would happen. Give it a shot and it not work out, I guess I kind of expected it. And right now I feel that I did something wrong or I didn't do something that I should have that made her not like me. But also I feel kind of as if she didn't really have feelings for me and that she just wanted play like last year, but she just let it happen twice rather than never. Yeah I do feel rejected, and how can we go back to dating, when we only went on one date before we were consider "together." And I'm not so sure how I would feel about that anyways. The way I see it, the person either wants me or they don't. And theres not since in making up little "white lies" to try and protect my feelings. Geez, I seriously can't believe that this happened to me. Was I just being used? Was any of it for real? Did I get played? If she really does need to sort things out, and she decides she wants me, will I want her then? Can I even bare to talk to her knowing she wants someone else, or knowing that if we keep "dating" how would I feel about her going on dates with someone else at the same time? I just can't handle this right now, I just can't, I thought everything was going to be great, but I failed after only a week and a half. If she doubts wanting to be with me, then theres something wrong with me, I mean theres something else about Donovan that I don't have that she wants. I'd do anything to get her to only want me, but thats not possible. I don't know this whole thing makes me doubt what I want too. If this hurts like this after only this much time, how would I feel like if we stayed together and broke up. But really if we were together I wouldn't ever think of us breaking up (with Miranda I knew we'd break up eventually). I don't know how I feel about still going on dates, its just weird. I don't think it would have been weird if she stuck with her plan in the first place, go on a few dates and see how they went and then decide if she wants to be with me. I think that she was going to stick with that plan, but then what happened on our date made her want something more (or something like that, but I can't explain it). But then this weekend I think I reminded her of Megan and that really bothered her. But I don't know. Dammit, I'm just so confused right now. I don't really want to talk to her, but then again I do, I just really don't know what to think right now.

Well thats all for now I guess, Laters.


ALICIA KEYS:
"Why Do I Feel So Sad?"

Friends we've been for so long
Now true colors are showing
Makes me wanna cry oh yes it does
Cuz I had to say goodbye

[Chorus]
By now I should know
That in time things would change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

How can I adjust
To the way that things are going
It's killing me slowly
Oh I just want it to be how it used to be

Cuz I wish that I could stay
But in time things must change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

You cannot hide the way you feel inside I realize
Your actions speak much louder than words
So tell me why oh

[Chorus]
[Chorus]

By now by now I should know
That in time things must grow
And I had to leave you behind
So why do I feel so sad
If it couldn't be that bad
Tell me why

By now I should know
That in time things would change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

[Ad-lib to end]