**Ughhh.....**

I'm so frustrated right now, with everything. I seem to envy people, well one person in particular, one who every time i read what they write, it infuriates me for some reason. Reading about their new love relationships and all that, and it seems to be perfect, altough i know nothing is perfect. I guess its just the simple fact that I envy them, cause they are able to actually be with the person they want to be with. I on the other hand, I am being with held from being with who i want to be with. Like I've said before, damn parents. Not mine, hers. Katlin's parents, i hate them as of right now. Just hold on for a second and I'll explain it all.

So here it goes: Alright, Katlin is a freshman from soccer. Once i saw her, i liked her, then I became the JV team's biggest fan. I would go to their team dinners, games, tournaments, hang out with them during 5th period. When the after school practices started, i finally became more outgoing, or more daring i should say, I finally got up enough courage to talk to Katlin. But I also think that it goes both ways. She did the same thing. Well it all kind of started by me having a JV sleepover at my house, about 5 of the girls came over, we went bowling and then went hiking the next day on my land. All during which Katlin and I were flirting. I still didn't know if she was actually gay or not. But still we flirted. So we were writing letters back and forth. At the sleepover some of the girls kept bringing up Miranda and me, so basically the next week I wrote Katlin and explained to her a few things about me, and who I was, and about my past relationships (some of them atleast), and told her about me being bi and all that. The next friday after my game, we went and ate at Quiznos and then hung out at a park and we talked, and ended up finding out that she like me as well. And we sat there awhile and she put her head on my shoulder, and it was a very pleasent moment. Then i had to take her to the dance by 9:30 at the school, cause her mom was chaperoning. The next weekend was valentines day. Friday night after my game i stayed the night with her. We went to the movies, but they weren't playing the movie we wanted to see, so we waited like 40 minutes for 50 first dates to start. In the meantime, we sat in the car, and had our first kiss. So we watched the movie. Went back to her house, stayed up until like 4:00 in the morning. Then we were up since like 7:00. I went all out for this weekend, i wanted it to be perfect. She collects marbles. She had 1,208, so I went and bought 92 marbles to make it 1,300. She was keeping the marbles in a basket, so I bought her some tuberwear (lol i have no clue how to spell that), and then i painted all over it to decorate it. And I bought her a card, and wrote a really long letter in it, and i gave that to her on valentines day, and asked her if we could make our relationship more official, as in her being my girlfriend. She said yes. Then that night she came and stayed the night with me.

Ok so everything is fine and dandy, until last thursday. I had night school, so i missed practice, i wrote her a letter during the night school. And we had a team dinner that night, so I drove over to her house to give that letter to her, and then i went to the dinner. Well come to find out, Katlin had left that letter out, and her mom read it. HELLO INVASION OF PRIVACY!!!!! She had no right to do that. It didn't even really saying anything, besides that the freshman finally asked about us and that it was funny. And that I miss not getting to be around her much that week. No biggie, well the next day, on friday, our game got rescheduled for saturday, and JV had a game, 2 games actually. Well her mom was talking to Spirlock's mom, and asking her stuff. Which Megan told me her mom just told Katlin's mom to ask Katlin, but I'm not so sure. But either way, Katling wasn't alowed to go out to eat with the rest of her team, cause she had to go home to have a little "talk" with her parents. So she told them. They were pissed. They said that she could still talk to me, but we couldn't hang out anymore, and that if we continued to date, that they would move away or make her change schools. Which they wouldn't be able to afford to do. So basically I've been severely pissed since then. Well Katling got moved up to play with us saturday, she sat with me on the bus, i laid my head on her shoulder most of the way there, we kissed a few times, thats it. People said we were making out, there was no french kissing involved. But thats just teenagers being gossipers. So well we played our game, the whole time I was paranoid of her parents going to talk to my mom. Which they didn't thank god. But the whole time I was also paranoid to even stand by Katlin, for fear of her parents jumping down and killing me.

So yeah needless to say she wasn't allowed to ride the bus back, cause i would be riding back on the bus. But that has nothing to do with kissing on the bus. So yeah Katlin and I didn't talk the rest of the weekend. But yesterday, during 5th period i slept in my car, until 4:00, as i was getting out, the freshman were just coming up from the weight room. Katlin was in front, she gave me a hug. And we walked in, while we were walking she told me that her dad was around there somewhere, which pissed me off. As we walked in the door, i looked towards the benches, and there was her dad, sitting there. I was furious. But i went and changed clothes. And I was taking my clothes to my car, and he was standing outside, i was pissed, I stepped off the curb, and i was barefoot, but I jammed my foot into the ground, on purpose. Later i noticed, it took a chunk out of my toe. But instead of walking by her dad, I squeezed in between a car and the wall, in order to not walk by him. Just knowing that he was there early just to be sure that we didn't talk or were anywhere near each other, really pissed me off. And still does piss me off, lol but i guess that was obvious. But yeah so today is only tuesday, i'm still clueless of what to do, i want to be with her, but I don't want her to break her parents trust. Meaning i'm willing to get her to sneak out of her house, or say shes going to Kristen's house but really have her come with me. But that would break her parents trust, and give them an even worse idea of me.

But you know the one main thing that pisses me off. Her parents told her, that they would rather have her doing drugs and alcohol than to be dating a girl. How fucked up is that?

But ok, i'm done ranting and raving for now, but i think i'm going to go take a nap, before i have to go to school in an hour. Maybe I'll write more laters. Adios.