**This is a letter that I wrote to my team last night, enjoy.**

Dear team,
Its Sunday night, around midnight that I am writing this. I’ve been lying in bed unable to sleep, simply because I’ve been thinking and I can’t stop crying. I am having someone else read this because I know I won’t make it through trying to read it myself. I am writing this because I want to apologize to each and every one of you. I have failed you all, as a friend, and as a teammate. I know I’ve put a huge burden on ya’ll. After this trimester, I most likely won’t be with ya’ll anymore. I am 99.9% positive at this moment that I have failed English. I could try and explain to you why, but none of you would understand. But I’ll leave it at this, take the simple road out, I am a lazy, hardheaded kid who wouldn’t do her work. If by some miracle I pass, it won’t be because I earned it, it will be because someone out of the kindness in their heart gave me a break (which would be about the hundredth time they’ve done that). All of this breaks my heart, more so than it already is. I seem to always let down the ones I care about most. I most likely have ruined my future, and my dreams have crashed and burned.

But this isn’t the first time any of this has happened. I seem to have a very self-destructive nature. I always find a way to take myself down. The last month I’ve been living in an internal hell. I was simply fighting every moment of the day to stay alive and to not resolve into self-mutilation. And I simply didn’t care about much else. I have a lot of problems and they all seem to be inter-related. And because of these problems, I’ve never been a good student. But that’s just another story for another time, and it’s also the part I don’t think ya’ll would understand or you wouldn’t believe me. But it’s kind of ironic how I was fighting to stay alive and didn’t care about much else. And now because I was focusing on that other stuff it has just made my life even worse. As much as I hate all of this, but theres nothing that I can do about it. I hate knowing that I most likely won’t be able to finish the season. And that because I won’t get to finish playing, I probably won’t get to play in college. But mainly its just knowing that I’m a failure that hurts the most.

I’m not exactly sure what else to say about all of this. I do know that I’m very sorry about all of this. I wouldn’t be surprised if ya’ll were really pissed at me. I wouldn’t blame ya for it. I know this isn’t much of a heads up. The reason I’ve been trying to stay in the trainer and well missing school some, and procrastinating in practice, is so that someone else can get more practice. So I’m just saying that I’d suggest working more with someone else, to fill my position. But as for all of this, I do not wish to talk about it with any of you. Just accept what you’ve been told, don’t dwell on it. I don’t want sympathy, I don’t want to be questioned or anyone telling me that they are there for me. I don’t want any of it. Seriously, I don’t want to hear about any of this. It’s my problem to deal with. Ya’ll only have the stress of dealing with having to fill a position, so focus on that. But once again I apologize for failing ya’ll. I love all of ya’ll and I’m incredibly sorry for everything. But I guess this is all, but by the way, please don’t kill me.
Love Always,
Erin Jones