!!WOW!!

Yeah I just wanted to share something I read awhile ago. Its from this girl's profile on planetout. I really enjoyed it, I'm not completely sure why though. Part of it kind of reminds me alot of how I felt about Michelle. But yeah I hope you enjoy it as much as I did, even though you might just think I'm weird for this but oh well.

"I really am just looking for a good friend, because you cant ever seem to have enough of those. i am a truly honest person who is loyal and respectfull. I have been in two relationships, and not looking for another. I am taking the time off to get myself together and be alone for awhile.

I am not all about the booty ..Un like some people i dont need someone to sleep with to make me feel good about myself (thier called friends .. thats all you need for some self esteem) .. i am about the person and who they are and what they mean to me. I have alot of of close friends and people i care dearly about .. but only one "Wife" (inside joke). And i will do anything for them and they will do the same for me.

I love meeting new people, and i am shy at first but yeah .. thats just not how it is, im very crazy and most people dont understand me . I have a laid back personality and "great" sense of humor(thanx to my father). Even though i dont care for the bar scene .. I do like to have a good time . I just much rather do something more productive .. you know what i mean ..??

I have recently found the joy and happness in church. Being apart of a commmunity of faith and having a common graund has just opened up my eyes and helped direct my faith and love, which has always been present.

I dont care for being shut out and ignored by my friends or in my relationships. My biggest pet peeve is people who lie. I figured that having been dissapointed alot in my life and in myself i dont need to be surounded by lie's to make things worse.

I really miss a good friend of mine and the conversations we had and the company she gave. Also the time she put in ..i know she doesnt have that time any more buts it all works out in the end anyways.

Now i am taking her silence with love and she is forcing me in a way to move on and i thank her for that. I am stronger now, yet i still have alot of work ahead of me and alot of myself that is yet to be uncovered.

Im not like everyone she knew in her life. She always told me that she knows what happens in colleg and what happens when poeple share beds togther and what not. But what she doesnt understand is im different from the poeple she has met. It is hard to believe i know, but i believe it and so do the poeple around me.

But i do understand that i needed to figure out what i want in a relationship and in life in general. The need to experiance things that a realtionship might restrict as far as meeting people and allowing time to myself and to try new things. I will return to her though time and agian to offer my friendship. I feel she will find someone special in her life and the tears for all her loss and pain will dry on her face .. and happyness will fill her heart .. and life will be complete.

Even though she told me she wouldnt find anyone else but i know she looks in the heart and not at costumes people wear, and thats what brought the most fear within me and made me cling tight. i knew that she deserves better than what i can offer. I was afraid to lose her and i still am .. but i dont think i ever had her. I just want to be there to see the smile in her eyes again. We never had the time to grow and the "what if" will linger there, but i will always be there for her as friend .. i guess i never knew her .. but i have faith and i ill wait for love and if its to be in her then it was ment to be.

I have found what i wanted in life and what i want in the relationships with people that i will encounter on the way. I Thank her for showing me what love should be like. Ive seen the heart ache too with the other realtionship that i was in. It was something i needed to find out. Throw myself into something where i felt nothing and get hurt. Because now i know what i dont want and i got a clearer understanding of what i feel . I am just sorry i told her about it cause i know i wouldnt want to her it from her. i am happy to say im better off on my own . Ive learned to say no and deny peoples advances. I learned what my feelings are before i get myself into something that i dont want or will hurt me or somehting im uncertain of.

I am learning patience, slowly and surely, and i often need forgiveness when i break down and call her .. i know she needs her space .. i dont know what she is thinking or even feels about me any more .. I know she is proably past this whole thing we had and she probably just wants to get away from it. But i guess getting over this for me is just slower than i thought, maybe i will never get over it but just learn to to respect it for what it was. I know i only see what i want .. i expected too much out of her. I expected a close friend .. and im afraid i even lost all hope of having her as that. Its hard to lose some one twice . My blind spots are many in these areas, but im learning to see.

I akso know im not ready for a relationship and i cant handle dating .. I know that i only want to get with some one if i can see spending my life with them. If i cant have that then i dont want anything but friendship.

I learned that i am not alone because i have friends. They make me happy and they tought me more about love then i would have ever thought possible. I learned to respect myself and actually be happy with who i am.

I keep her in my prayers and in my heart for all times. i hope she has the best of days. I will stop bye time to time just to say hi. I will leave it up to her how good of friends we will become. So this isnt goodbye stranger its hello. I miss you. Goodnight .. sweetest of dreams .. sleep well angel Her heart has yet to fly. "