~*~So...Wow...Quite a Long Day~*~

So yeah last night I had all my clothes ironed and set out for today. My new tommy skirt and my new pin-stripeed 3/4 dress shirt. I wore my new Ralph Lauren blue jean jacket. I wore my earings, lol and just my plain soccer sandals. Alot of people told me I looked cute, well Amanda, Taylor, Sissy, Stephanie, and Nina did. But other than that I got a few looks. More so the looks of damn, her style has changed, which I guess is a good thing. Lol I don't really care. I was alittle pissed to find out that we don't have a new coach. He quit last night because the school board wouldn't give his wife a job, which I find totally ridiculous. School officials are dumbasses everywhere you go I suppose. So yeah Coach Winkleman is our coach now, I like him and all, I just don't think many of us wanted him as our coach because hes been under Coach Mayo for so long (Mayo is an ass). But other than that I suppose its cool. All my classes seem pretty cool, not too stressful. I get out at 2:42 and not at 4, thank god.

So yeah I picked up Janelle and Ashley (Janelle's friend), and they rode with me to school, which was cool, once again it took me awhile to get my keys out of the car, but I eventually got them. So yeah you know how I said I was supposed to go get new tires after school, well I thought I was cause I thought dad said he could atleast help me get 2 new ones. Well I apparently misunderstood him (LIKE ALWAYS, it always ends up being my fault). So yeah he can't afford it. He can never afford anything with me, never has, never will. I really don't understand it, hes so much like Kyle, he can never keep a steady job. Thats why hes fucked financially. Ok yeah I know it seems like I'm being a major bitch, but you don't understand. Its like he always has an excuse for everything, not just with money. But hes always come up with excuse not to go to any of my activities, it really pisses me off. I like have to beg him to go, and I shouldn't have to, hes my father dammit, why can't he act like it, take some responsibility for his only daughter. Hes ALWAYS give his attention to my brothers, always. Ok, whoa, have to settle down now. So yeah anyways, he made me mad, so I left and on Chicken Express, and went to Bree's. I had a really awesome time, I never imagine Bree and I would be such good friends. Yeah we just hung out, and had a ton of fun, just laughing at stupid stuff and her showing me her music stuff. I have to remember this word: "noonk." Yes I know not really a word, but its a memory now. So yeah Kim, her sister and her friend Ashley came over about 6 or so, and I just chilled and watched tv, and then we hung out and talked till like 6:45 and I left and went to church. I sat with Nina, cause I got there kind of late. But yeah I had a good time at church. Michael and I wrestled like always, and yes I would consider it flirting with him, I wonder if hes still dating that girl?



Ok so yeah, now about Gina, today. Shes been acting kind of weird today. Kind of like shes in a bad mood, but then again sometimes other than that. I couldn't quite place it. We talked kind of at school, mainly just walking together, after soccer and strutting our new letter jackets. Whoo-Hoo!! She was telling me that last night she almost text messaged me about the whole coach thing, cause she found out right after it happened I guess. She said she wasn't sure what to think, like who would be our coach and that kind of stuff. But she said it was like 11:00 and she was afraid she'd wake me up. I told her I didn't go to bed until 1:30, and I told her that she can text message me anytime she wanted no matter how late it was. Ok and so tonight at church she didn't see me while we were singing, and not for awhile after we had sat down. I was a table away. I had been watching her, pretending to be watching the screen and Keith. Then I turned around to say something to Nina and when I turned back around I noticed she saw me, and she kind of gave me the, hey whats up nod. Then she acted like she was pulling out her hair, her sister was sitting at her table, enough said I suppose. So then I kind of continued listening to Keith, meanwhile occasionally looking at Gina, then another time when I looked back at Nina, when I turned back Gina, what it seemed to me, was that she was starring at me or well watching me. It was weird. And then the rest of church after that, she just kind of starred at the table, and she looked confused/mad or something like that, it was weird. So well church was over, and I kind of expected her to come over and talk to me, but she didn't, her and Brittany went off somewhere, to talk I guess, but I didnt see Gina for another 30 minutes (meanwhile I was wrestling with Michael). So well then finally Michael's and Nina's rides got there, and at the same time they were all leaving Gina came out, and started to leave. Nina told me bye, then Michael, then I hear Gina tell me bye and she waved. And so well just a second ago I was talking to her on the net. She seemed distance, and still seemed pissed, and yes I know you can't tell a whole lot from words being typed on the computer. But still I just had this feeling. I don't know, Gina confuses me alot.

Ok so what the hell am i talking about. I've really got to stop this bullshit. I can't keep this false hope alive. Theres no way in hell Gina will never like me the way I like her. Shes STRAIGHT. Why do I keep hoping that she'll just all the sudden tell me she likes me, and then we'll be dating. Come on Erin, its a bunch of bullshit, if she ever finds out that I like her, most likely she'll disown me, and act like I'm a freak. I'll lose a friend in the process. I don't think she'll ever be understand how much I like her, how wonderful and amazing I think she is. Nothing will ever come of this crush, so why won't it go away, I've been trying so hard not to like her, but I just keep finding myself drawn to her. But yet I know I will be rejected. Dammit I have to snap out of it, its never going to happen, ever. Why would someone like her, be interested in me, I mean come on think about. AAHHHHH....... I'm driving myself freakin crazy over this. Why won't it stop, why can't I have atleat on realistic crush for once. Why? I know what is realistic and what isn't, but yet I keep finding myself attracted to the unattainable, why oh why, I don't know. Damn I just only could wish that for some unknown, crazy reason Gina would give me a chance. But sadly its never going to happen.


But yeah I'm tired, and not really in a good mood now, so I think I'm going to go to bed, so talk to ya laters.

Oh by the way I haven't had a crush on Bree for a few weeks now, shes strictly just my friend now, I gave up the crush idea, and realized how awesome a friend she is. So yeah and now I am going, laters.