~~GUESS WHAT!!! I'M A PSYCHO!!!~~

Yeah I really am a psycho. You know how in my last post I was talking about how I really don't want to be the casual "sex" type person, well yeah I figured out that I really am not that type of person. I finally figured out what exactly I was doing, and why I chose certain actions. Yeah I definately can't just make out with someone for the hell of it, I'm just not able to do it. Especially when there are consequences to it. Ok lets put a simplar version on all of this. MIRANDA HATES ME NOW, or should atleast. Yeah for three days straight Miranda and I made out each time we saw each other. I told her I didn't want a relationship with anyone, but I guess I was afraid of just saying not with her, cause that would hurt her. I truly don't believe that I was using her, I didn't want her just for play, granted yeah I did want the physical stuff. But when you use people you won't think anything about what happened. What went on between Miranda and I was special, it did mean something to me. She has changed a great deal since we broke up, and I thought things with Shanina and I were completely over, and everyday I got more curious of what it would be like to get back with her. Yes when it comes to physical stuff between her and I, its great. But emotionally, theres just not something there, theres not that everlasting connection. And well yeah shes a great girl but there are so many things that drive me crazy about her (in a relationship), but those very same things don't bother me by being her friend. We got into a huge fight about this last night and I've been trying to think of a way to help her understand my irrational being. You see in the last month and a half there was nothing going on between us at all, we hardly got to see each other, kiss, or hell we hardly got along. So Sunday-Tuesday for me was me getting closure between us, now I know for sure that we weren't meant to be together, that we weren't meant to date again. To have a relationship you have to have the physical stuff, but mostly the emotional stuff.

I told her I didn't want to date her, but I think she just took it the wrong way and it gave her hope that we'd get back together. But all in all I knew this would happen, so that makes me a bitch I guess. I've hurt her pretty bad, I didn't set out to do that, but I had to get things sorted out in my mind and now I have. I'm really sorry for putting her in that position, but I don't regret it one bit. I don't regret anything I did, she was afraid I was just going to forget about everything that happened but the truth is that I won't. We've been really good friends lately, and I honestly think that this will only make are friendship grow. Cause I talked to her after we fought, and she seemed ok, and we had another normal conversation.


**Shanina**
Yeah I wasn't able to go to church last week cause I was stuck in Cleburne. Well I was able to go this last wednesday. I could tell she didn't know how to act around me, in fact she didn't even know I was there more like 20 minutes, Gina wanted me to come sit with her so I did, and then someone pointed out to Nina that I was there. And I went and tried to talk to her a little later and she didn't really say anything, she wasn't mad or anything, she was nervous and didn't know what to say. Cause neither of us really knew what happened between us. But well she ended up going home before me, so when I was leaving I called her and I got her to go to Wal-mart with me, and I ended up staying at her house till like 12:30. Just endless staring and talking. We talked about alot of things, the week we broke up (we broke up that friday, 5 days before end of school) I had been getting really frustrated with everything, but not with her, I told her that but she didn't believe me. Well also I get jealous and her ex: Rafael (the one that cheated on her), was leaving to go to Mexico the last day of school, they're still like best friends, and they had just been hanging out alot, and I knew thats all they were, were friends, but still I got jealous, cause well I wanted to be the one spending time with her not him. Well anyways, so when we were talking she told me she thought she had done something wrong and she didn't know what. So she ended up breaking up with me. Well after the weekend I was fine, lol and I figured out what was wrong with me, I was PMSing, and I think thats the first time I've had mood swings. So yeah she found that funny. So yeah there was never anything wrong between us, and we vowed to tell each other when we're PMSing so the other won't freak out.

So yeah we worked everything out, on Friday I went to her work and they let her off early so then she went with me to run some errands and then she came over for awhile and we watched a movie and hung out, and honestly we kissed. Then when I was taking her home I had the sunroof back and she was watching the stars, and she saw a shooting star, she wouldn't tell me what the wish was, but she expected it within a week, so that made me really curious. Well I ended up staying there still like 1:30 or so. Then today Sunday, I went and surprised her at church (she didn't know I'd be there), so she came with me after church (her family went shopping at Sam's and she didn't want to go), so we went to the Coffee Grinder and got granitas, then we went to her house, and we just hung out and talked and yes kissed again. One thing I do everytime I see her, I tickle her, shes incredibly ticklish, its so much fun, not to mention its cute. So yeah I wrote her this really short note and gave it to her at church, she left it in her bible in her parents truck, so she didn't get to read it, shes probably read it by now, but shes at chruch I think, and she thinks I'm at work (the pool closed early cause no one was there to swim). So yeah when I first asked her out I wrote it in Japanese. Well this time I wrote her in German, which is a class shes taken and gotten A's in, and shes also an 1/8 German. So hopefully she'll know what it means, if she doesn't I told her to ask me, it says I love you. Please give us another chance. Will you go out with me again? Was this your wish? I don't know we seem to have this thing with foreign languages. I'm not indecisive!! I knew from the moment I started to get to know this girl, that it would last for along time, perhaps forever who knows. But I do know I care about her a great deal


~~Soccer~~
Whoo-hoo I get to go to A&M for the first time, I've been an aggie my entire life, I've always wanted to go there. And now I get to and I get to play soccer while I'm there. I'm extremely excited.


**Car**
My mom finally told me that her price range for a car is $2-3,000, and she prefer it to have been driven by someone older (cause they take care of cars better, supposedly) and that has never been in a wreck. So yeah and like I said about Kyle and I fighting over the car. I proved my point last night about that. I had to work so I let him borrow the car so he could go hang out with his buddies for a bit, and I gave him and exact time to pick me up. I waited for 30 minutes called my mom, he wasn't there, she told me to call her back in awhile if he didn't show up. Well I didn't call her back. I called Miranda and I started walking (while we were fighting). I lifeguarded yesterday so I was in a swimsuit (of course with shorts and a shirt over it though), and I was in sandles. So yeah I work at Oakdale (across from Big Rocks). I walked all the way home from there. I have a huge blister on both feet. It was funny those cause this cop passed me twice down by the square and he didn't stop, well then when I got by the water tower he passed by and turned around and came back and talked to me, it was funny. So then I got him to leave. Well a little bit later, this suburban drove by, turned around came back and was flashing its lights and kind of slowing down, then it turned around again and came back and did the same thing, and then it didn't come back, I know I know who the person is, it just pissed me off kind of that they didn't stop (even though I probably wouldn't have gotten a ride anyways). Well then I was almost to the church and this beat of truck pulls over in front of me, it was two hispanic guys, they were really nice, but I turned them down as well. Well I finally made it home, and as soon as I walked in the door, Kyle came driving down the drive-way. He said he and his friend and to bury this girls dog and he didn't remember me until he was on his way home. I was pissed he knew I had the cell phone with him, he could have called me before he had to bury the dog, cause I talked to mom before he knew he had to bury the dog (the girl had called the house looking for Kyle). So yeah I proved my point that I need a car, or that he doesn't need the car cause hes not responsible enough (he can't even put gas in it or roll up the windows when its about to rain, I do that and I put air in the tires, and clean it-well clean up all his shit cause hes the one who gets it dirty). So yeah I also proved the point that hes lazy cause if I can walk all the way home from work so could he. But yeah I'm not really pissed, so I don't feel like bitching much right now, lol.

Well I better go, I need to go review for class tomorrow, oh yeah speaking of which the times for my class is from 1:30-4:00. So anyways, I'm going to go, laters.