*~*~A story written for me on my birthday, based on a true story~*~*
 
4/20/04 
A Rock and a JackAss 

            Pencil paused above paper, the writer uncertain. Pain, heart-ache, suffering, betrayal, love, hope… and desperation swirled behind the mask which had become so familiar over the last several years it felt like second nature to draw it up and cast it before other’s eyes.  All those emotions swirled there, waiting for release, demanding it, but she couldn’t think of how to put it on paper.  She didn’t know how to shape it into a story, put it into a character, and let the character soar… Soar… like she never would.

            She was trapped.  She couldn’t write, like she used to love to do. She couldn’t draw, it had bee a while since she’d done something decent.  Nights in her close, stuffy room were dark and unforgiving, and a constant reminder of the trap closing around her.

            Was this part of growing up? Realizing that life wasn’t a win-lose situation.  Was maturity knowing every move you make, every corner you turn, you were going to lose something?  Why… why did the “something” this time have to be a choice between the family she loved, and the woman that held her heart?

            The girl leaned back in her chair, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to prevent the tears that threatened to fall.  A rock and a hard place.  That’s where she was.  If she had to choose… god, if she had to choose…  A sudden spurt of anger broke through the fog.  What choice?  What choice do I truly have? None.  None at all.  Fuck it, though.  Did they realize what this is doing to me?  Out of love.

            The writer snarled, pushing that thought away.  Every time she showed a flash of anger, a touch of what was building up inside her, that thought was enough to push it all back inside, leash it, and let it ferment.

            She didn’t want to lock her emotions away again, she wanted to lash out, let the inevitable storm growing inside her out, scream, cry, throw a two year old tantrum.  Damn it all to hell, she just wanted to be mad.  Opening her eyes, she stared at the ceiling. A few moments later, her shoulders drooped and her eyes closed again.  She just wanted to love.

            A rock and a hard place.

            The girl fingered her ring for a couple of minutes, wheels turning.  A thought came across strong enough, or amusing enough to break through the gloom.  She smirked.

            A rock and a jackass.

            The rock would always be there for her, she knew that.  So she was going to hold onto the jackass for as long as she was able.  The girl smiled fondly, stroking the white valentines bear from her girl.
 
~~LOL I am the jackass, or should I say was. I still wonder what could have been, if things were different. No regrets, no regrets.  The author should know they still have a special place in my heart. By the way I never thanked you for this story, it was a great present.~~