**FINALLY A GOOD FRIEND WHO UNDERSTANDS. A well need conversation i think that we both needed. Love ya Dana**


erinlJONES: yoyo, when are you coming to town next?
Dana162909: I am not sure...I have been so busy lately
erinlJONES: whens your spring break?
Dana162909: this coming week....
Dana162909: I am working all week
Dana162909: lol
erinlJONES: oic
erinlJONES: thats the same week as ours, and i don't have a damn thing to do
Dana162909: yea its fun...really? well our boss thought it would be super cool and say that no one could take days off...lol
erinlJONES: oic that sucks
Dana162909: right.....ugh!! lol its like Subway all over again
erinlJONES: lol
erinlJONES: i saw anita the other day
erinlJONES: sorry random thought
Dana162909: did you? I had a dream I told her off the other day....
Dana162909: lol a year and a half later I am still bitter
erinlJONES: lol
erinlJONES: thats weird
erinlJONES: yeah i saw her friday actually
Dana162909: lol was she in GR? or granbury
Dana162909: she was supposed to move to kentucky or something....liek that
erinlJONES: granbury
Dana162909: yea her hubbie is the manager over there.....
erinlJONES: interesting, maybe they didn't stay there long
erinlJONES: i don't know, lol don't really care either, do you?
Dana162909: ohh no..I just think its funny I guess...cause she was like I hate this Subway job...I am going to move..blah blah....I would hate to be stuck at a dead end job!
Dana162909: so how are things going?
erinlJONES: true.... things are alright
erinlJONES: you?
Dana162909: ehhh lol I have been really depressed lately...I think I am going to get off my lazy butt and like go the dr. and get some happy pills...cause I am tired of feeling like this
erinlJONES: happy pills, ha ha ha..... sorry found it funny..... meh... i've been on zoloft for a few months
erinlJONES: yeah being depressed really sucks
Dana162909: does it work
erinlJONES: for awhile, if its a chemical imbalance thats the problem, then yeah it should work, but if its situational like me, then it doesn't always work
Dana162909: ohh but can it make you "fake happy"
erinlJONES: yeah
Dana162909: lol I know that is so not a word..but like I dont want to go out and hang out with friends...I get these anxiety attacks when I even go out to hang out with old friends
erinlJONES: oh, i definately used to have really bad anxiety, it definately helps that
Dana162909: good....cause like my best friend came in on valentines day....and I kept making excuses to go see her....like I do that all the time...someone asks me to go out or something and I find some lame excuse not to go...cause I just dont want to feel that "pressure"
erinlJONES: makes complete sense to me
Dana162909: well okay so I am happy that they can help me...lol ....
erinlJONES: lol
erinlJONES: i'm not promising you anything though
erinlJONES: has different effects on everyone
erinlJONES: damn, do i sound like the expert, lol *says sarcasticly*
Dana162909: right...but what I am feeling is not normal?
erinlJONES: true
Dana162909: lol well thank you....I havent told anyone that...cause seriously no one wants to hear that I have no friends in Lubbock...Waylon actually made fun of me...he goes you dont have friends cause you are scared to go out?
erinlJONES: no problem. Waylon eh?
Dana162909: yea....he is trying to "better himself" because he thinks if he does that ...he will win me back...but I am so emotionless when it comes to relationships right now....there would really be no point
erinlJONES: i can agree with you, its not like anyone around here wants to hear that someone that is supposed to be there friend is having problems, people these days just can deal with anything cause they're too scared of everything.
erinlJONES: emotionless eh? better himself? damn i mean its been what 2 years
Dana162909: yea....but he is pining for me...lol
erinlJONES: i'm sorry but hes been the same guy since i met him and that was along time ago.
erinlJONES: guys...... frustrate me, they're so dumb
erinlJONES: lol
erinlJONES: sorry i have issues with him
Dana162909: I understand...but I think he is trying the best he knows how...which to the entire population means very little
erinlJONES: how can i not have issues with him, hes part of the reason Kyle used to get in so much trouble. But hes probably one of the few people that talks to you, so that does show something (not saying in a bad way) you know the whole thing where people say you figure out who your real friends are once you get out of high school, thats kind of what i'm saying. I agree Waylon needs someone to have faith in him, that he can "better himself" everyone needs someone to help them along.
erinlJONES: GEEZ I sound like a patronizing idiot, or i feel that way atleast
Dana162909: no you dont....you are wise in your years....kimosabe...I so know thats not how you spell it
erinlJONES: LOL
erinlJONES: you crack me up
erinlJONES: i just get frustrated with people, ya know
erinlJONES: and occasionally i just need to rant
erinlJONES: lol i guess
Dana162909: I understand completely
erinlJONES: coolcool
erinlJONES: few people do understand
Dana162909: so anything new on your dating scene?
erinlJONES: lol dating scene, such a frustration
erinlJONES: kind of but not
erinlJONES: in a situation right now, where i just want to give up and break up, but i can't cause i'm stubborn and want to prove people wrong. the parents don't want me to date their daughter, cause they think i'm too old and all of this other BS. its frustrating. and i don't want to deal with it.
erinlJONES: i just want to give up on dating all together, guys or girls,
erinlJONES: it all sucks for me
Dana162909: lol they think you are too old...ohh is she a freshman..I remember when some senior guy liked me and my dad set him straight real quick
erinlJONES: yep, freshman
erinlJONES: and they just found out that their daughter is gay, and well its all a major upset
Dana162909: are you serious? and so they want to protect her from this? I dont understand that....they cant protect her forever
erinlJONES: but nah, with guys, in GR i'm still their best friend, in granbury they all think i'm a lesbian cause people spread rumors and never quite get the story right. and plus high school guys are dumbasses
erinlJONES: EXACTLY
Dana162909: I will agree....high school boys are dumb...sadley they dont get better in college
erinlJONES: see its funny, cause all of her friends, my friends, her teachers, our coaches, and even parents say that. and are cool with us dating. but its the parents being afraid of their reputations being ruined
erinlJONES: lol guys, don't grow up usually, ever. lol and by the time they do, they're not cute anymore
erinlJONES: lol that was random
Dana162909: i can see that...my cousin married a black man last summer...and it was all about how bad it looked on the family...they had me convinced he was an abuser and all sorts of crazy stuff...right well I have a crush on a 35 year old man....he is the boss of United like the owner...and he is so good looking...he game in today and just WOW
erinlJONES: lol
Dana162909: yea the sad thing is his wife is dying...and he is a really neat guy...so friendly...and yea....
erinlJONES: that is sad
Dana162909: i know she had some tumor or something...so I try not to make too many jokes about him being my sugar daddy
erinlJONES: oic
Dana162909: yea and I liek my TA but he is almost thirty...maybe thats why older men date younger women..I am so in my prime!!
Dana162909: lol
erinlJONES: lol
erinlJONES: prime sounds so wrong
erinlJONES: lol
Dana162909: lol right.....
Dana162909: like a rib
erinlJONES: i feel so wrong sometimes, i have so many crushes on people its so not even funny. like I don't know like i see something in everyone. I'd be premiscuous if i had the opportunities probably. its part of the depressive thing i have. always trying to fulfill this empty space within me, but nothing ever fills it
erinlJONES: does that makes sense?
Dana162909: yea it does....I think I am the opposite..I am cold and stone inside....
erinlJONES: like, you'd rather be alone type of thing?
Dana162909: no not really...I just dont have a heart to give....its like I am incapable of feeling something for someone....
Dana162909: I am taking the quiz...why dont you have a boyfriend?
Dana162909: lol
erinlJONES: its weird i'm alway so lonely, and i always want someone, and when i do have some one, i'm even more lonier. Ah... yes i am that too
erinlJONES: i am incapable of actually loving someoneDana162909: lol right...and like Waylon (sorry to bring him up) but he thinks that I dont love him anymore...and its just that I feel so cold and confused that I cant feel anything else
erinlJONES: oic, and see most guys don't understand these feelings
erinlJONES: i understand completely
erinlJONES: thats why people frustrate me so much
Dana162909: Erin you are the greatest....he thinks I have moved on..which might be true...but I still care about him and love him...even though I am not IN love with him
erinlJONES: makes sense to me. me the greatest, not really, i just understand
Dana162909: ohh this quiz is not looking so good
Dana162909: You dont have a boyfriend because you are too busy While a relationship sounds nice, you're strapped for time
Whether you're legitimately busy or just making excuses
erinlJONES: oh
erinlJONES: true eh?
Dana162909: I think the excuses part is...lol
erinlJONES: yeah
erinlJONES: so, anything else on your mind?
Dana162909: umm I dont think so....lol well kinda...lol I was reading thru my old diaries...and stuff...and like there is so much crap about Jenifer Carter in there..its funny....cause I was really jealous of her...
erinlJONES: lol, wow that was awhile back
Dana162909: right...I know..but when I was reading it ...I got real jealous again..it was sad....it really was....
erinlJONES: thats kind of odd
erinlJONES: isn't it weird, the things you hold on to, like the memories
Dana162909: about being jealous? or what
erinlJONES: i hold onto a lot of stuff
Dana162909: right..wow how did I do that
erinlJONES: just in general
erinlJONES: do what?
Dana162909: like everytime I used to see her...I would freeze...I remember one time I went to the tanning bed...and it was like Ohhhhh whoa .....I didnt know how I changed my font
erinlJONES: oh
Dana162909: lol so I saw where you failed english? did youreally? the teacher didnt give you extra credit and stuff
erinlJONES: yeah i occasionally look at my old entries in my blogger, and i'm like wow, everything was so messed up, then i recap and think oh wow but nothing has really changed....... yeah i failed english, it didn't matter about extra credit, i automatically failed cause i didn't turn in my research paper
Dana162909: ohh that stinks...so what happens now? do you take it over the next trimester? and what about soccer
erinlJONES: yep, taking it right now, lol. i'm out the rest of the season, the next two games, and perhaps a playoff game. I could be back in 3 weeks, but that will be like the second game in playoffs and i don't think we'll make it to there, but i don't really care about any of it
Dana162909: really? you are taking it well...I dont think I could if I were in your place
erinlJONES: meh... i don't care much about any thing really any more. its a little less stressful. its just a pain in the ass trying to explain to people, when they ask me why i didn't do the paper, i just shrug my shoulders and say i don't know its complicated, i let them think i'm lazy simply cause i know they wouldn't understand if i tried to explain it too them. they wouldn't understand how much of a hell i was going through while we were supposed to write the paper, they wouldn't understand how much of my effort and time i was having to put into not cutting myself and all that crap. so i just let them think i'm lazy, and thats fine with me
Dana162909: ohh Erin...I am sooo sorry
erinlJONES: don't be
Dana162909: but still I just hate seeing people unhappy...you know I was watching that Princess Diana documentry Thursday about how she would throw herself down stairs and cut her wrists...and you know you would think being a PRINCESS would make you happy...like you wouldnt have a care in the world..but it shows you that it can happen to anyone....
erinlJONES: huh, missed that, Princesss Di always interested me
erinlJONES: it, lol
Dana162909: well the rest of the tapes...its like her secret tapes are showing on Thursday....instead of ER
Dana162909: at like 9 I think...its like a two part series
erinlJONES: cool
Dana162909: yep well I think I am headed to finish studying for organic
erinlJONES: ok
Dana162909: well its been good talking to you...have a good night
erinlJONES: ditto I'll talk to you laters, goodnight
Dana162909: night
Dana162909 signed off at 11:32:37 PM.