**Its Been awhile since I've really written**

Everything lately seems so surreal. Well not completely I guess, its just that lately everything seems to blur together, like I can't seperate from one moment to the next. Maybe it just seems that way cause I haven't written in so long. Cause I've been trying to remember everything, and generally when I do that it seems as if my mind gets crowded and its hard for me to decide which memory is which, does that make sense?

Here lately, I haven't been able to stop thinking about the people in my life, and how my relationships with them are. I've grown apart from so many people that i love in the last year and a half, or well more than that with some people. My senior friends when i was a freshman, Diana and Lisa, I haven't talked to them in atleast 2 1/2 years. Then of course theres Michelle, the one i first fell in love with, and ultimately ruined our friendship and the real reason i came to Granbury, everything with her has been fucked up since my sophomore year, I miss her, but I haven't really talked to her in the las year or so. Ok and Dana, such an awesome girl, shes off at Tech, so i don't see her, haven't really talked to her in the last 2 years either. And well theres Rebecca, our relationship has well seemingly gone downhill through out the last year or so, we see each other oh maybe 3 times a year, hardly talk at all (we tend to blame it on the fact that shes always busy, which is true, but on my side of it, i guess you could say i'm intimidated or afraid of doing something wrong around her, i've always felt the need to try and be perfect around her, but its always impossible cause i'm definately not perfect). Oh wow, I almost forgot Meghann, one of my best friends, I've hardly talked to her since she started dating Scott, which was well like 2 years ago i guess, then i transferred schools so that made it even harder, shes gotten married (which i was a bridesmaid) and had a baby girl, but we've just gone our own ways i guess, i miss her, she was always there for me no matter what, she has never judged me with anything that i've done, and I apreciate her so much for it, she got me through alot of rough times.

I've always been curious of why people grow apart. I know we're all on our seperate paths in life, but none of us have seemed to manage to stay close. Is it perhaps that we each have a certain moments in each others lives, and leave some sort of impact and then its time to move on. I've heard it somewhere, some friend email, says something like, even if we grow apart i wanted you to know that you've left footprints (or imprints) on my heart. Is everything just a cause and effect type of thing. Or does anything really last forever. See growing apart is hard for me, I grow attached to people, and its often hard to let go, mentally atleast. Generally I don't notice for awhile that I've grown apart from someone, until its too late, and then it continues to bother me, the fact that they're not a part of my life.

I swear I'm ADD, I can not concentrate on anything, at all. I always zone out and think about a million different things, its starting to really bother me. Especially when i'm thinking of something important, i randomly space out and starting thinking about something like crayons. Oh another thing that keeps bothering me, is I used to know all sorts of things, mainly pointless facts to some people, but I knew about everything, and knew everything i was talking about, and i used it in conversations all the time. And now i don't remember it, even the simple stuff, an example for you, is I couldn't remember what the Super Bowl was called, i really couldn't remember it, I was like the main NFL championship thing. Its really sad, and it frustrates me so much, cause i've forgotten everything that i used to know. Perhaps its because i have so many new memories that I've repressed everthing to the back of my mind, or maybe its the fact that I haven't had any real classes in the last year 1/2 so I haven't had to really use my knowledge for anything. But the fact still remains that i forget half the stuff I talk about. Its really annoying.

So yeah basically the point of that last paragraph was to say, that I've forgotten was i was going to write, and I keep spacing out every time i try to write, so I'm just going to go for now, and try to write again later. Alright, have a good day. Laters