~~Adult Advisory: Be aware, there are some topics children under the age of 17 should not read. Lol or well immature people should just not read.~~

I mean, who da FUCK does she think she is?! says: i can talk in ebonics and its funny
I mean, who da FUCK does she think she is?! says: sorry
I mean, who da FUCK does she think she is?! says: if you are offended by it
Erin says: what are you talking about
Erin says: what are you talking about
I mean, who da FUCK does she think she is?! says: my screen name
I mean, who da FUCK does she think she is?! says: isnt that what you were reffering to?
Erin says: yeah
I mean, who da FUCK does she think she is?! says: refering
I mean, who da FUCK does she think she is?! says: referring?
Erin says: lol 3rd times a charm
Sara says: cool
Erin says: why would it offend me
Sara says: *shrugs* i dunno. stuff offends you. stuff offends everyone. i just dont want to be the one doing the offending, is all.
Sara says: you dig?
Erin says: whats up with you
Sara says: nothing. does it seem like somethings up?
Sara says: i think you are misunderstanding
Sara says: its hard to understand tones and stuff on the internet
Erin says: "you dig?" is not something you'd normally say
Sara says: things change.
Sara says: does it bother you that i am saying that?
Sara says: i wont. i mean, if it upsets you in anyway, i wont say it any more
Erin says: please don't pull that with me again, the i won't if you don't want me to thing
Sara says: look, buddy, a lot of shit has gone down since you've talked to me last. i've made a vow to try and make people happy and i cant do that if you are going to be difficult and just alway get pissed at everything i do. i want to be your best friend, erin, do you understand? im trying so hard. but if you arent going to let me will you please let me know?
Erin says: i wasn't getting mad
Sara says: i have been trying hard, i still am trying hard and i will be trying hard in the future, unless you say no.
Sara says: oh.
Sara says: neither was i
Erin says: its just your not being the girl that i first met
Sara says: i want to talk to you on the phone about this.
Erin says: why
Sara says: will you allow me to call you?
Sara says: did you get my message?
Sara says: i just called you about five minutes ago
Sara says: im just going to take that as a no, then.
Erin says: what message
Sara says: on your cell phone
Sara says: i left a message when i called you just now
Sara says: unless you are blocking my calls, i would think you would have gotten it by now.
Sara says: maybe cell phones dont work like that. i wouldnt know.
Sara says: anyways
Sara says: the reason i want to be you friend is i think you will like me better now. you changed me
Sara says: also, i just want to be your friend cause i like you.
Sara says: hell, i still love you. not in a romantic way but in a more family sort of way.
Sara says: best friend kind of way.
Sara says: and i know we've already been over this a thousand and six times but i guess i still dont understand why you dont want to be my friend anymore. will you just answer me that?
Erin says: i didn't block your call, i ignored it, and i just listened to the message, but i had to call my mailbox to get it, it didnt' say i had a message
Erin says: so you made a vow to try and make other people happy, does it make you happy by doing that, it never made me happy when i tried that
Sara says: yes it does.
Sara says: im not you.
Erin says: i just want you do be you with me, not do things or say things you think will make me happy
Erin says: thank god your not me right?
Sara says: how can i not be me? everything i do is me.
Sara says: dont say that
Sara says: i dont think that
Erin says: ................sure you don't
Sara says: you're right, i dont want to be you but i dont want to be anybody else either. i like being myself. im comfortable with myself.
Sara says: i dont.
Sara says: i dont think your life is horrible. i think its got the same trials and happinesses as everybody elses
Sara says: well, not exactly the same but sorta
Erin says: i don't think my life is horrible either, whats your poing
Sara says: do i have to have one?
Sara says: will you please answer my question now, about why you dont want to be my friend?
Sara says: i can take it. im a big girl.
Erin says: because i can't
Erin says: the truth, i don't like hearing about your new relationships, friendships, life. Why you ask? because i'm not a part of it, i'm not there to share it with you
Sara says: please let me discuss this with you on the phone.
Erin says: no
Sara says: i cant really say what i want to say over the internet
Erin says: why? cause i won't talk to you on the phone, why. cause i don't think well when i have to say things outloud
Erin says: sure you can
Sara says: you dont have to talk if you dont want to.
Sara says: you cant type.
Sara says: you **can time
Sara says: type**
Erin says: no
Sara says: ok.
Sara says: well, i'm going to try my best to say this then.
Sara says: "the truth, i don't like hearing about your new relationships, friendships, life. Why you ask? because i'm not a part of it, i'm not there to share it with you"
Sara says: you dont want to share stuff with me. you dont even like me, for craps sake!
Sara says: you have already expressed this.
Sara says: i thought we had gone over this part already.
Erin says: you misunderstood
Sara says: i dont see why we cant share things. i still feel you are every bit as much a part of my life as you were when we were together. you mean a lot to me as a friend and i know, i know the feeling isnt mutual but....i dont know.
I mean, who da FUCK does she think she is?! says: i just wish you could feel more open towards me
Erin says: truth i want to be with you more than anything, i wish i lived in the same town as you, that way i could see you, i wish i lived close enough that one phone call wouldn't cost me like $10, or i wish you lived here. i wish i could see you everyday, be able to see whats going on with you, not just having you tell me about things. but i can't have this, i can't handle the distance, you know that...
Sara says: yes
Erin says: the distance thing is cause it drives me insane how much i wish i could be there with you, i mean it really drives me insane. and the whole thing about sharing, sure i'd love to hear about your life, but i can't, it drives me crazy, breaks my heart. everytime you tell me something new thats going on with you it hurts everytime you sign on and have a new sn, specifically ones mentioning new.....
Erin says: relationships drive me crazy. I can't handle it, i can't handle sharing whats going on in my life with you, why, because i have no life without you, there is nothing i care enough about to tell you. but i can't handle talking to you, cause i am not there with you and other people are, i envy them. i envy the new people in your life, friends and more. truth be told i can't stop thinking about
Erin says: you
Sara says: i dont know if i should believe you. i dont want you to be pissed or anything but i cant trust you like i used to....i guess i could but, things change.
Erin says: no shit
Erin says: i don't blame you either
Erin says: yeah things change
Erin says: one thing i hate the most is change
Erin says: another thing i hate, is how selfish i am
Sara says: no. actually things dont really change. things havent changed.
Sara says: no.
Erin says: your life has changed
Sara says: no, it hasnt really.
Sara says: its just the same as it was. people come and go but that isnt any different
Erin says: the reason i say you aren't the girl i first met, is cause your not, your so more outgoing (or so it seems, from what you've told me), and the girl i first met, i had all to myself, and i didn't have to share
Sara says: well, wasnt it you who always said, live in the moment? i do that now. you changed me.
Erin says: and i envy the people that get to live in that moment with you
Sara says: dont. theres nobody. they've all turned on me.
Sara says: i know you really dont mean any of what you are saying but thanks all the same for saying it.
Erin says: but i do mean it
Erin says: and i know you'll continue not to believe me
Erin says: but i do mean it all
Erin says: you're the one person who has atleast seen me for who i am, and believed it, and not persecuted me for it
Erin says: i've shared that with you
Erin says: i've shared with you how fucked up i am
Erin says: theres no hiding it
Sara says: why would i persecute you for anything? i think you are a wonderful person
Sara says: i wonder if you've said this to others...
Erin says: no i haven't
Sara says: its just me wondering how many lies you've fed me and ive taken. i dont care or anything. you were always good at the art of deception
Erin says: and i won't deny that
Erin says: i lie to myself
Sara says: i dont know if i should say anymore. you think im full of bullshit anyways.
Sara says: dont deny it.
Erin says: why do you say i think your full of bullshit
Erin says: i'm not denying it
Sara says: good.
Sara says: im not going to tell you why you think im full of bullshit cause you will get all pissed just like it says you will. no comments, remember?
Erin says: i'm not going to get pissed
Erin says: if we're are having a conversation, then say what you're thinking, thats what bothers me the most about people, they never say anything
Erin says: comments are allowed when they aren't out of the blue
Sara says: the truth is, im not full of bullshit symapthy and if you think for one second i dont really care about you, you are mistaken
Erin says: then you're one of a kind
Erin says: but then again i already knew that
Sara says: no, no no! you dont know that. you think im full of shit. you always have.
Erin says: no i don't
Sara says: BY THE WAY: no one reply to anything that I have said. If you do it is going to piss me off extremely. I do not like comments from people that I know, if you know me and you read this, its a privilege, because I’m being honest on here. And I can almost guarantee you that no one in your real life is ever this honest with you. I do not want comments, because I know if will be ya'lls bullshit sympath
Erin says: no i haven't
Sara says: and ya'll have no idea how much that drives me insane. Sorry if that sounds bitchy, but I really don't care. NO COMMENTS FROM PEOPLE I KNOW. Thanks. Laters
Sara says: sound familiar?
Sara says: yea.
Erin says: meaning, "hey Amanda, i'm sick of your fucking comments"
Erin says: wow, you actually read
Erin says: lol
Sara says: of course i read!! what do you think i am, an asshole?!
Sara says: i remember you bitching me out a while ago for talking to you
Sara says: you said you didnt care about what i had to say
Erin says: probably cause i was fucking pissed and depressed as hell, and i didn't want to talk to anyone, no scratch the probably, that is why
Sara says: well thats not how you treat human beings, especially ones who are doing backflips to be you friend. so, i figured you just didnt want to be my friend anymore. you told me not to talk to you, and you said' dont talk to me unless i ask you whats going on in your life. other than that, i dont want to know."
Sara says: and that is why i dont talk to you anymore.
Sara says: and that is why you dont talk to me anymore. that is why you ignore my phone calls, too.
Sara says: i see how this is now.
Erin says: cause it hurts to know that you can move on without me, and that everyone can move on with out me, its the whole thing i said earlier
Sara says: your excessive lying almost blinded me, but i know how this works now.
Sara says: you think i can move on!!
Erin says: you already have
Sara says: you are greatly mistaken
Erin says: i'm being selfish again, run
Sara says: i dont understand what you are talking about
Sara says: you completely fucked me up! do you understand that?!
Erin says: yeah i do understand that
Erin says: i know it
Sara says: and i know you dont care at all
Erin says: i was fucked up, wait am fucked up, from someone else, now everyone that i touch, ends up fucked up
Erin says: i do care
Erin says: its like a habit i can't break
Erin says: its the only thing i know
Sara says: and i know you put it to the back of your mind and started dating that caitlin and you probably screwed that up too but you totally fucked me up
Sara says: just stop it!
Erin says: you're right i did screw that up
Erin says: i screw everything up
Erin says: you're seeing it clearly now
Sara says: you keep telling yourself you cant stop it and maybe you could have at one point but now its gone to far. you turned yourself into something that you never wanted to be. or maybe you did
Erin says: i'm not trying to sound like a bitch, but your being honest now
Sara says: i've always seen it like this. i just couldnt say it before
Erin says: exactly
Erin says: you couldn't say it before
Erin says: it has gone to far
Erin says: i never intentionally wanted to be this way
Sara says: but you dont care so what the fuck, right?
Sara says: god. i wish i could be so cold blooded
Erin says: no you don't
Sara says: not to give a fuck about anything.
Erin says: believe me you don't
Erin says: i do care
Erin says: but i can't do anything about it
Erin says: i can't change the past
Sara says: yes i do! its not fun being a crybaby. cause thats what i am, right. a big fat ugly crybaby. i know it. you know it.
Erin says: so i choose not to dwell on it, i guess
Sara says: well guess what? you started it!
Erin says: your not big, fat or ugly
Erin says: your beautiful
Erin says: yeah i did start it
Sara says: you lie.
Sara says: your damn right you did
Sara says: dont forget it, either.
Erin says: i don't lie about you being beautiful
Erin says: how can i forget, when i think about it every fucking second of the day
Sara says: i think you do. i think a lot of people lie about it. you shouldnt lie about something like that. it gets my hopes up and then SLAM!! i get punched in the face when i realise that it isnt true.
Erin says: DAMMIT SARA, you are beautiful
Erin says: and i will always tell you that, cause it is tru
Sara says: so, tell me, who's your next victim?
Erin says: true
Erin says: i don't have a next victim, i am my next victim
Sara says: what do you mean by that?
Erin says: nothing
Sara says: no. fuck you. what do you mean by that.
Sara says: dont say nothing! you meant something by it
Erin says:by what
Sara says: my saying you are your own next victim
Erin says: what do you really want me to do the self-pity thing
Sara says: that isnt right.
Sara says: no. i dont want you to kill or hurt yourself either
Erin says: i didn't say i was going to do that
Erin says: its all a mental thing for me
Erin says: thats what i mean by victim
Sara says: well, what are going to do
Sara says: break your own heart?
Erin says: lol i don't have a heart, remember
Sara says: yes you do
Sara says: you just refuse to use it.
Erin says: in every situation i have, it may seem like the other person is the victim of my mistakes, buts thats temporary. i am my own victim everyday, every second
Sara says: it is all mental for you, huh
Sara says: as is everyone else! everyone hates themselves. thats not any different than anyone else
Erin says: maybe
Erin says: but i'm not them, i can't feel their feelings and emotions, i can only hear about them, and vice versa
Erin says: i feel what i feel,
Erin says: would you rather have your heart broken my one person - once. or have yourself break your heart - repeatedly
Sara says: I dont know.
Sara says: it depends on who the person was.
Sara says: look, after you broke my heart, there hasnt been a day thats passed that i havent kicked my ass over what happend
Erin says: kicked your ass?
Erin says: it wasn't your fault so why would you kick your ass over it
Sara says: i dont know. you were the biggest bitch to me but i was smitten with you anyways
Erin says: i wasn't a bitch to you in LV was I?
Sara says: no. but it was all lies.
Erin says: it wasn't all lies
Erin says: not then
Sara says: yes it was. you say dont ever believe you when you tell me that you love me.
Erin says: when it comes to love
Erin says: when did i end up telling you i loved you?
Erin says: it wasn't until towards the end of the trip
Erin says: i think
Sara says: yea
Sara says: lie
Erin says: but i can tell you this, you're the only one i've ever felt that strongly about, i wish i could have meant it. but like you've read in my blogger, i can't love anyone. I can give you everything possible, but love i cannot give
Sara says: i guess thats good enough
Erin says: but yet, i still know you don't believe me when i say that, so what can i do, nothing
Erin says: good enough?
Erin says: Sara, you have no idea how much i really mean that, i that i wish i could have meant it
Sara says: yea. i guess i cant expect that much from you
Sara says: did you really have that orgasm that first time i ate you out or were you lying then too?
Erin says: i really did
Erin says: OMG i can't believe you just asked that lol
Erin says: but i really did
Sara says: good.
Sara says: thats all i was really worried about
Erin says: WHAT?
Erin says: ok
Sara says: joking! sheesh
Sara says: god. lighten up...lol
Erin says: ok
Sara says: i just didnt really know what i was doing and i wanted to bring you to orgasm but i didnt know how and yea....
Erin says: lets not talk about this ok
Erin says: lol
Sara says: ooo. i found an uncomfortable subject. you dont like to talk about sex, huh?
Erin says: no i don't
Sara says: well, i LOVE to talk about it. its great. i wont piss you off though
Sara says: lol
Sara says: you really are something. i hope you know that
Erin says:what do you mean?
Sara says: you're just great. i like that about you
Erin says: why is that?
Sara says: smart. hot tempered. logical. irritable. hott as fuck. makes me smile.
Sara says: thats why you are great.
Sara says: wonderful. splendiferous. spectacular
Erin says: and what brought this on?
Sara says: the fact that you wont talk about sex with me
Sara says: its such a casual subject and you dont like it
Sara says: im not pushing it
Erin says: sorry i just don't like talking about it, it makes me uncomfortable. and i don't want to think of you having sex with someone else
Sara says: i havent.
Sara says: i just like talking about it
Sara says: talking being the key word
Erin says: ok
Sara says: by the way, you dont have any stds or anything do you? cause i lost my virginity to you and if you gave me anything im gonna be kinda upset
Erin says: WTF
Sara says: just a question
Sara says: i didnt ask you before we did it so i figured i might as well ask after
Sara says: dont get so flustered
Erin says: thats just a fucked up question to ask me
Sara says: why?
Erin says: just is
Erin says: you should know me well enough to know i don't have a std
Sara says: ok. good. well, i was pretty sure you didnt but i just had to ask
Sara says: sorry if my health is important to me
Sara says: look. im sorry if i hurt you feelings (or lack there of)
Erin says: you didn't hurt my feelings, you insulted me
Sara says: i meant no insult by it, hun. i didnt meant you were dirty or that you slept around cause i know you dont but id rather be safe than sorry.
Sara says: look, im sorry i asked ok?
Erin says: ok
Sara says: dont be insulted please?
Erin says: already have been
Erin says: anything else you would like to insult me with?
Sara says: dont be like that.
Sara says: no. didnt i already say i wanted to be your friend?
Erin says: and i already told you that i can't be your friend
Sara says: no. you WONT be my friend.
Erin says: knew that was coming
Sara says: can we be enemys then?
Erin says: its the same damn thing
Sara says: can we be something?
Sara says: no its not
Erin says: we're not anything, we just are
Sara says: so is this the last time i will be talking to you then?
Erin says: hell if i know
Sara says: on a lighter note, how's texas been?
Sara says: good weather?
Sara says: bad weather?
Sara says: any large plagues of locusts yet?
Erin says: texas sucks
Sara says: cool! so does washington
Sara says: hey. im tired. ill talk to you soon. have a good night. kisses!
Sara says: bai bai,
Erin says: laters
Erin says: btw, katlin and i broke up, oh and the one state that is alright, is nevada
Sara says: im sorry to hear that. you two would have been cute together. i agree with nevada.
Erin says: cute together, ha you don't know anything about it, so don't say it, i say that in a calm way btw
Sara says: i know! sheesh.
Sara says: well, you liked her at least, is what i meant about it
Sara says: you were cute together in my mind
Sara says: dont tell me what to do. im a capable human being
Erin says: lol ok
Sara says: hey, talk to you later, alright? im glad we had this chat. it was healthy for us.
Erin says: ok
Erin says: goodnight
Sara says: it was.
Sara says: oyasumi nasai.