For the love of Scooter
Current mood: hopeful


I simply couldn't think of a subject line until Scooter came to mind.

Its been about timing and healing, the pieces of the puzzle. But what puzzle? We've had moments of greatness only to fall from grace. Timing, all we had then was days, not near enough days. We go back to our lives and heal a bit, then find ourselves in the same old situation all over again. For about 4 years we've done this. We've asked ourselves that so many times, why, why do we keep coming back to this place.

Lol i say its for the love of Scooter. The most pure and innocent love that started this thing so long ago, its still there within us. We've both destroyed and put some dents in it, we've both let it slip away. We've both tried to walk away and never come back to it again. Man how easy it sounds to walk away.

I can't say this last time it really hurt, that i deserved it, or that i didn't expect it. Fact is i've stopped telling my stories or what is seen as an excuse. I let people believe what they want. I don't need to fight them. I've spent too much time fighting myself, and fighting to not let myself fall, I've been fighting my heart. Funny how that works, the one thing you can't control is your heart and how you feel. No matter how damaged it may be, it still beats. It beats a little faster when your near what gives you life.

You were never my hostage or prisoner, you were my medic, my saving grace. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, you are the perfect person (though we all agree there is no perfect person) for me. For the record, I was never waiting on something better to come along, it was only you I was waiting on. And for the sake of being cheesey, you complete me. You always have.

I spent too much time running, always wanting someone to catch me and tie me down (lol and the words "closet freak" pop in my head just then). I was running from love and you were running to it.

I could say so many things of how i've felt, but frankly I don't give a shit anymore, thats why I stopped telling my stories. None of that matters anyways, only you matter. Fuck everything thats happened, just fuck it.

I thought I was fine till the other day, always been good at pretending, at hiding how I feel. Did I show it, cause i wasn't trying to hide. Its the little things you do to me. Its still there, I felt it, I saw it in you. Tell me I'm wrong but I saw it, I heard it.

I've always been willing to fight for you, for your love, I always gave up too soon, I chickened out. God of all the signs we've ever had that pointed to us being together. I have to fight for you. People tell me there are so many girls out there. But I told them you are "the" girl and that you always have been.

I don't love you because I need you, I need you because I love you.

There are no perfect words to say, I can't make you do anything or believe anything. All I can say is feel whats in your heart not your mind, even the smallest thing that you feel pursue it. It wouldn't be there still if it wasn't meant to be.











NOTE:

Spending time with you since I last wrote with this, flirting like we did before. The struggle eased away, we're good as friends. Friends who give each other the harsh truth and end up not talking for awhile. We are simply on two seperate paths and enjoy each others company sometimes, lol. The little bit of love thats there, i've realized will always be because you are a part of my heart. There is no need to pursue it any farther than that. I had been afraid to let you go, but in seeing myself and seeing myself happy I realized I had already let go, as have you. Simply put when i stop think of Rascal Flatts in reference for you its a pretty good indicator. So heres to Rascal Flatts on friday, my dream was to see them, I'll be in the seats, you'll be on the lawn, have a blast maybe we'll see each other and can have a beer together or something. Take care.