This one is for you
Current mood: impressed
Category: Life


This one is for you my LOVE:

I've been through the hurt, the pain and all the heartache. I've made it through the tears, the anger and all the bitterness. Never holding things against you, never hating you. People still don't understand how I can do that. Though I may not say it, my heart tells me its because I love you despite all that happened. Despite all the horrible things you did to me and put me through. Everyone can tell me how I had a choice, I could have left. No my love you know best of all I couldn't. I was in love with you, you were my heart and soul, you were my world. By all means I was addicted to you. I'm ok with no one ever understanding our love.

I've become content with my life and what I'm having to go through because of the choices I made with you. People can tell me how stupid I was and I won't disagree. I have a shitload on my plate because of you, for awhile I hoped you could some how find it in your heart to truely be a good person, the one I knew actually existed, I left a little bit of hope that you would take the responsibility and take care of the debt that you were equally part of. The last email I received from you was the last that I could stand. Love is patient but where do you draw the line? Something I learned at Millwood.

This week I officially realized how much you fucked me over and how much you played me. How you managed some of it I have no clue. My best friend of the time was the only witness, but over time you won her over, and shes hated me since (despite reasons she may have of after the fact). She was there while we signed all of the paperwork, all of it. Over a year later i'm offcially finding out that your name is no where on that paperwork, not even a little bit. There are little traces of you, like your phone number, which you conviently made some of the numbers wrong. Just like how on when we still got some paperwork with your name on it, how your name was spelt wrong. How the people that helped us there, no longer work there. Funny how you still claim it was your car all along. *********Just another side note, just found out that all the information on the paperwork is false, all the job info etc. No sorry I hadn't worked for walgreens for 3 years as a manager, I definitely wasn't making $2,500 a month, etc. etc. This is such fucking bullshit.

The one thing I can not stand about all of this, is how you destroyed me as a human being. You brought out this horrible side of me, the scary side and no matter how hard I try I cant put it back away. I am continuously being pushed to the limit because of you and I would love nothing more than to knock the shit out of you, my temper flares. But I would never directly hit you like, I never did. Claim what you will, and it will be that a claim, I'll defend myself and tell the truth.

It still amazes me that through all of this I still dont hate you. I can admit the truth of who I was and why I acted the way I did. I take refuge in knowing that I was not alone in it, knowing that I wasn't the only one you took advantage of.

I am so glad that I went to Millwood, I found my strength then. I gave you one last chance and you fucked it up the day I got out. I started to distance myself more and more from you then, letting go, getting my heart to let go. Finally when I couldn't take it anymore, I am so thankful for those who helped me. I found strength in them, they knew I couldn't do it without them. My mom and my brother Brian, and most of all Cathy.

So heres to you, here to you continuing to burning bridges, hurting the ones who love you, hurting those you love, hurting the strangers that cross your path.

Cause for you my love, karma will be coming back around one day.

COMMENTS:

COLEMAN: Damn girl. If it makes you feel any better I give you permission to slap the shit out of me cause I know I havent been the perfect person to you and haven't completely treated you the way you deserve. You have come along way in the past year. I wish you luck as you continue to grow stronger. Until next time take it easy. Im out for naptime.
-sarah